Aiming for the Perfect Love
by IcyGold
Summary: What if Lucas got married with Lindsey and Peyton fully committed to the love she talked Lucas about in the powerful gym scene of 5.08? If she became the Keith for Karen's son.. Will be LP, NH, BJu
1. Prologue

**A/N: I have been watching seasons 5 and 6 and this idea has been haunting me so much I had to write an epilogue for you guys to see if you'd be interested in exploring this what-if scenario with me. It is much based on Peyton's quote from 5.08: **

_**"I was reminded today in a roundabout way that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. That's what Keith did for Karen. Burying his feelings for her for all those years so he could be a good friend. I love you, Lucas. And I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes. And it is gonna suck! But if what you want is for me to let go, then I'm gonna do it. Be happy, Luke. I want that with all my heart."**_

**What if Peyton had gathered up all her strength to be to Lucas what Keith was to Karen? Lucas and Lindsey had gotten married and Peyton turned her passion for Lucas into a silent love instead of appearing bitter and grudgeful. It seemed almost out of character to me, when it came to my mind. But I think early season 4 and late season 6 show such an amazing will power and spirit of sacrifice that I've come to the conclusion it's really a whole new world just couple of original turns to different from the series.**

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I told my best friend not to get married to his wife, my good friend Lindsey and it was not because one of either of the two would have been a bad person. I know, sounds pretty weird, right? It was seven years ago and to this day only myself and him know about it. As you already know, he did not take my advice and so I had to bury my thoughts. All these years it has been bothering me and so I thought I'd write my secret down.

Let's rewind to the beginning. At the end of our drama filled high school years I was married to my wonderful husband Nathan and we got an amazing baby boy Jamie. My best friend Lucas was in love, too. He and his girlfriend Peyton had been through other boyfriends and girlfriends, car crashes, heart attacks, psycho stalkers, a school shooting and lots of painful love. You can read more about all that in Lucas's best seller book "An Unkindness of Ravens", but the point is, after all they'd been through my friends Lucas and Peyton were happy and in love and I think all of us, including the ex-sweethearts were more or less waiting for the wedding invitations.

The invitation never came, at least not the one we expected after high school. Lucas proposed to Peyton, but she turned him down, or asked for some more time. He thinks the first she thinks the latter. But the end result is not up for interpretation. Two hearts broke and the very special couple broke up. Both tried to move on.

Peyton noticed it was not possible for her and quit her L.A. job to come back home to Tree Hill. She met Lucas's editor turned girlfriend and it was not pretty how the girls fought in jealousy of my best friend's love. I was on Lindsey's side. Especially when I realized that Peyton had actually come back for Lucas and the two had kissed right before Lucas made his decision and proposed to Lindsey.

So if I was on Lindsey's side, why did I tell Lucas not to marry her? Part of why Lindsey was so insecure about Peyton was that Lucas's writer's block ended suddenly, when Peyton came to town. I reassured the new girlfriend that the old one's appearance was just a coincidence until Lucas gave me the new book to read. It was a beautiful and heartbreaking story about yearning and want. It was screaming Peyton. And so I confronted Lucas about what I had read and told him I thought he was still in love with Peyton. He shot me down and insisted that he loved Lindsey. He did listen to my advice to not show the story to Lindsey, but he went on to marry her and the topic was closed.

The Comet, that is the book Lucas wrote but never published because of my advice, brought me and Peyton closer again. I still believe the novel was about Peyton and even though I had been mad at Peyton for trying to get back with Lucas, his words made me sympathize my long-time friend. I imagined me and Nathan in the same situation and I found it really hard to imagine finding the grace in me to let Nathan be happy with someone else without at least giving it a good fight first. I know it's different, because we're married and they never were. But they promised each other forever, too. No matter how the break up was also her fault, it must be shattering to realize your forever starting a forever with someone else. I'm rambling, sorry.

The bottom line is that Lucas and Lindsey got married. Peyton let them go. She turned to her music and became an even better friend than she might ever have been before and I have been looking at it all for the past seven years and it still confuses me. I should probably stop thinking about it all and not worry about Lucas, Lindsay and Peyton. Especially so, since I wanted this. I wanted Peyton to back off and Lucas and Lindsay to be happy together. I was Lindsey's matron of honor and before I read the Comet I was really pissed at Peyton for not leaving Lucas and Lindsay be. Even after reading it I of course did not and still do not approve of any cheating, but it just made me see another level to the mess. And just when I saw it Peyton completely backed off and things changed to what I had wanted it to be. But how could it not make me curious that such a confused and jealous war zone turns into a rather harmonious living as a result of a marriage that was entered with the groom still having feelings for his ex?

Over the years I have tried to reason to myself that maybe he really was over Peyton. But the thing is, I know my best friend and the fact that he listened to my advice and didn't show the book to Lindsey speaks volumes. A stubborn man like Lucas would not take an advice like that unless he saw a reason and truth behind them. I also still often see that soft but passionately loving look of his when he looks at Peyton. You know the one that seems like he's looking at an angel, but when you look to the direction he's looking you only see Peyton. There have been a couple of times when I have gotten the possibility to talk with him about his current relationship with Peyton. Every time I feel like there's a shadow of that Lucas's special Peyton look in his facial features and then he says calmly "I'm with Lindsey now. We're friends just like she is friends with Nathan."

I know many ways they are not. Their history is so different already. Yes, Peyton is an ex-girlfriend of both of them. I'm not just saying it as Nathan's wife when I say that he was never in love with her. Lucas on the other hand was in love with her for years before they even spoke to each other. When they did talk to each other there was this unbelievable pull the two dark and artistic blondes had for each other. It hurt people and wonderful friendships with its strength. Okay, in all honesty Peyton and Nathan's relationship hurt people, too, but it wasn't because of a force pulling the two towards each other. More like the two pushing each other away. Tim once mentioned to me it was all just for the make-up sex. Eew, stupid me for mentioning it. The mental image of the two of them together is not exactly one I seek to cherish.

More currently it's almost other way around. Now Lucas and Peyton are cordial, but try to keep some sort of artificial distance. I already mentioned the soft looks, well they are definitely two sided. There's also plenty of acts of kindness. But it all keeps a certain distance as if they'd do hard work to make sure that they aren't cheating Lindsay. Nathan and Peyton on the other hand don't have any restrictions. They kid around, fight playfully and enjoy faking heated arguments. It may look like flirting sometimes, but the feelings involved aren't anything but brotherly.

I actually just today looked at her playing fun outdoor games with my husband and our kids Jamie and Lydia just this afternoon and it hit me that if I didn't have the history, the longing looks and the secret caring and tears telling me loud and clear she's in love with my best friend, I would most likely be jealous of Peyton and Nathan. Maybe it is just a "just-in-case" defense mechanism for me to be so intrigued about the Lucas/Lindsay/Peyton story. My family is happy the way it is and it is all I ever wanted. If I started listening less to my confusion and suspicion about Lucas and Peyton's feelings, I would have more time to give in to doubting many of the outsiders' thoughts about my friend having too close relationship with my husband and kids. I have no reason to listen to the others, but plenty to listen to myself.

Have I now confused you as I'm confused myself? Hehe, that's pretty funny question, since "you" is just this paper, the only one I can trust to not mess things up if they knew more than they currently do. Gosh, how therapeutic it would be if a paper could get confused like us human beings...

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**A/N: The actual story is not going to be just Haley's ramblings, most likely not even narrated from the first person. But let me know if I should continue this scenario of what if Peyton had really followed through with loving Lucas the way she got inspiration from Keith's love for Karen. If you want me to give it a try I have couple of other what-if scenarios that this story gives me chances to explore, too, but the main point will be sort of making Peyton Keith and Lucas Karen.**

**ps. My deepest apologies to everyone who's read Would You Be My Brother that I haven't updated in ages. I have the next chapter almost ready now, but I have been stuck with it for a month. Hopefully I get the final bits to fit and get to post it for you very soon.**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you so much Becca, lukenpeyton4ever, cayt326, Anon, lEYtOnFoREVERyay and mahsa for you your encouraging reviews! And also everyone who alerted the story. You surprised me and then I surprised myself by writing this chapter so fast. I can't promise it'll always be this fast, but I must say I'm really excited about it. Anyway, here's chapter 1 of Aiming for the Perfect Love. This is all Peyton, Lydia and Haley, the next chapter will be similar but from at least Lucas and Lindsey's side..**

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Haley finished her "rant to paper", as she had named it. She closed her notebook and hid the book behind her books in their library. Moving to a new house when Nathan got to NBA had given her a chance to properly collect books for herself and the kids. A funny thing happened, though, soon after she had started their own family library. One night Nathan had picked up a book she had been reading and started reading it to her. Reading out loud to each other had been their thing ever since. Nathan had also started to read by himself, but the shelf Haley hid the notebook to was only Haley's.

She made her way downstairs, but stayed back to observe the sight before her. It was so heartwarming she couldn't help but smile. 5-year-old Lydia Peyton Scott was lying on the couch with the woman she got her middle name from. Aunt Peyton was also her godmother and the little girl basically worshipped the ground her aunt walked on.

They were quite a team. Peyton had moved out of Brooke's with the first chance to do so without making it too obvious she made the move out of Tree Hill to Wilmington to balance her life in relation to the new Scott couple. She could live close enough home to run Red Bedroom and keep her friendships, but still far enough to allow her a chance for a new life or solitude, when she needed it. And oh how she had needed the distractions and solitude in the first two years Lucas and Lindsey had been married. She had made legitimate excuses for keeping her Tree Hill social life to minimum and spent a lot of time touring with Mia and working hard for music. It did not fill the void she so desperately set out to fill, it just made her a little number to the pain and distracted from the emptiness. But getting a goddaughter was the first thing in Peyton's life that actually felt like healing the wounds time time had so far failed to heal.

Lydia had been ten days old, when Peyton had made it to Tree Hill to see the little baby girl Scott. She had held the baby in her arms when Haley and Nathan had asked her to be the godmother. Lydia was so tiny and helpless and eagerly receptive of her love that it made Peyton want to give her all the love she had left in her. It felt good and empowering to love someone who didn't reject her love. So Peyton cut down on touring and with the excitement of being a godmother she faced the old Tree Hill social life she had kept to minimum the two last years.

With Lydia there it hadn't been as bad as she had feared. She soon became part of Nathan and Haley Scott's family. Lydia was one year old, when Nathan and Haley talked about having a family night, meaning that it would be just them and the kids, but back then eight-year-old Jamie had given his parents feedback at the end of the night that aunt Peyton had been missing from the family night. Peyton couldn't help a stream of tears when she heard the story. It was the closest thing to a real family she had had since she was nine.

Lucas, Lindsey, Brooke and her now-husband Julian and all the rest of the gang hung out with them quite a lot, too. It was quite nice to spend time with people who've known you for a long time. Especially in the beginning it was really awkward with Lucas and Lindsey, though. It was so much easier to miss Lucas from afar and just make sure he was alright from Brooke, Haley and Nathan's stories. It required a whole new levels of strength to let him be happy with someone else right in front of you, not to mention trusting that he really was happy when at times he did not seem as happy as in her memories.

It took them years to start talking more than in the whole group's discussions or the necessities when playing with the kids. As much as it killed her, Peyton thought it good and necessary. She had been through their history and did not want to take chances of ending up back in it. However, gradually Lindsey clearly got over her earlier worries about Peyton and the two women started to interact quite nicely. They were by no means best friends, but they sometimes talked just the two of them at the group's gatherings and they both knew to steer clear from critical topics like Lucas.

When things eased with Lindsey also Lucas and Peyton started to interact more. No one-on-ones, heart-to-hearts or Lucas&Peyton fun, nothing close to the very special moments Peyton most missed about Lucas, but little discussions about safe topics increased and in kitchen Lucas might help her reach to the highest shelves sometimes or Peyton would make sure Lucas's burger had two slices of cheddar on both sides of the steak with ketchup between the cheese and the meat. She had noted no one else seemed to make them the way she knew he liked them the best.

Anyway, right now it was just the godmother and goddaughter on the Scotts' living room couches. Lydia, who was just as much like her mother as all the Scott men had hoped, was cuddling against Peyton's side and they were discussing music trivia. It was quite adorable how engaged the five-year-old was in the topics.

"Aunt Pey, did you know mama when she started singing?" the little girl turned to look straight into her aunt's eyes as if signalling they were getting to an important topic.

"Yeah, dear, we were opening Tric and tried to find someone to play there, but they were all really bad." Peyton grimaced to illustrate the old memories and to get a giggle out of Lydia. "Your daddy sent your mama's demo to our auditions and it was amazing."

A content smile spread across Lydia's face and she leaned deeper towards Peyton's side as if it somehow transferred the memory to her better. They were quiet for a moment and Haley almost thought of joining them, but then Lydia asked a question again and the mother thought it better to not interrupt the moment yet.

"Why don't you have a daddy, too?"

Peyton looked at her puzzled. She was known to be twice-motherless, but never really without a dad. "Honey I do have a dad, too. Don't you remember aunt Peyton's daddy Larry?"

Lydia got up to sitting straight and looked at her aunt seriously. "Yeah, I know Larry. But he's old like a grandpa. Why don't you have a daddy like my mama's?"

Peyton was startled and confused. What was the girl on about? She raised her head to see the said mama standing by the stairs and looking at them and invited her to join the girly moment.

"Baby I'm not sure I follow what you mean.."

"It's just mama has daddy to send audition tapes and pick up things from up high. It is really nice to have daddy. Do you have one?"

"Your daddy is your mama's husband. I have never been married like they are." Peyton stroked Lydia's auburn hair and both of the older women's hearts broke a little to see the disappointment and sorrow in the little girl's eyes, when she said that. So Peyton added, "But you know, a long time ago I had someone who sent my art to a magazine just like your daddy sent your mama's demo to me."

Lydia's face lit up. "Did he reach up to the high shelves, too?"

The women couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, baby he was very chivalrous. How 'bout we go make some dinner now?"

All three rose and Lydia skipped to her mother, who was a couple of steps ahead towards the kitchen. "Mom, what does chivarous mean?" "You mean chivalrous?" "Hmph, that's what I said!"

Peyton lingered behind to take a deep breath and collect herself. Despite everything she had so many great things going on that she considered herself really lucky and happy. But moments like these it felt crazy that even after seven years of him being married she was still so hung up on him. She made a mental note to consider trying to date again. The last time she had been out on a date had been six months ago, maybe moving on was a skill just like others and practice would have helped her.

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**A/N: What do you think? I have just some ideas about the scenario, but I'm seeing how things play out as we go, just like you are. If you have any thoughts of what could or should happen, please let me know. I'll be happy to try and corporate them into the story. The story will start to move forward after next chapter, but these chapters, too, are very necessary for the story. Please leave me a review. It makes writing the story so much more meaningful!**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews, favorites and alerts! I hope you know how awesome you are. I've been so touched to receive so many and so awesome reviews. Like I mentioned before, this is an exploration of a what-if scenario that I've just been really intrigued by and so all your thoughts are especially appreciated! I got a lot of wonderful perspectives that have been a great help now that I've tried to come up with a plan for the story. Please do let me know what you think and how you see things, because I promise I'll at least weigh in everything and will happily shape the story accordingly if it fits my vision.**

**To all of you, who can't stand Lindsey, I'm sorry this chapter has her, but she's currently Lucas's wife. The rest of the chapter will have much less if any of her.. I hope you'll enjoy the chapter.**

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"Mr and Mrs. Scott, welcome back. It is wonderful to see so committed couples that they never forget about the appointment and are always on time," Emma Swinney was their latest family therapist. Yes, latest. They had been to five different ones before this, they had had different styles and schoolings, but two years of therapy with 5 different variations hadn't changed a thing in their marriage. So Emma Swinney was their sixth pick and this was their 5th week with her.

"Well, we've been fortunate enough to have the same time slot reserved for therapy for the past over two years, we've been going. It comes naturally now. I don't really have to check my watch to therapy, I can just count the time from the therapy." Lucas half-joked as they sat down.

"Two years is a long time to go to couples' therapy.. Why do you keep going?" she had seen many couples over the course of her 20 years in family therapy, but there was something very peculiar about this couple. She had tried her normal approaches for the last four weeks and it hadn't given her much to work with. They said their problem was lack of intimacy and affection. Both Lindsey and Lucas were still very open and co-operative and seemed to have much respect for each other. They weren't fighting and they looked relatively happy. If they weren't at her office and admitting they had problems, she would never have guessed there were some. From the looks of it all their friends were completely clueless, too.

"Life's quite far from a honeymoon, but it's still easy with us." Lucas answered surely.

Lindsey smiled and nodded. "Yeah, it's still the easiest."

"When you say you lack intimacy and affection, what does that exactly mean?" The Scotts were quiet, both deep in their thoughts. So she decided to ask everything she wanted to know in little pieces. "How's the sex?"

The two on the other side looked at each other and their therapist startled and chuckled nervously.

"What sex?" Lindsay shot back with a hint of sadness, but an equal amount of amusement, too.

"Yeah, it pretty much died down during our firsts years of marriage. When we started therapy they sometimes told us to 'just do it' and it could get our intimacy problems back, but it just felt forced and wrong. I don't really even miss it, though." Lucas looked more embarrassed by the topic.

Lindsay nodded. "Yeah, we talked about it after our third therapist and we came to the conclusion that if neither of us really misses that kind of intimacy, why make such a big deal out of not having it. Just because it's the norm in marriage, doesn't mean our marriage has to be that way."

Emma looked at the two of them eyes wide open. She had never in her 50 years of life met a couple that was so committed to easiness. "Okay, so if non-existent sex life is not the issue you want help for, what is the intimacy problem you came here for?"

"We lack connection. I love it that Lucas is so nice to me and treats me so well. And we talk alright, but I don't know how to explain it, there's just no connection."

This time Lucas nodded as if to signal it was his response, too.

"When was the last time there was a connection?"

Both Scotts were quiet again. Lucas couldn't help but think about Peyton. Just last weekend there had been a barbeque at Nathan and Haley's and there had been connection in the simplest things, even when it sometimes was to signal the need for keeping distance. He knew he didn't deserve Peyton after all these years, so he hadn't done anything about the connection since getting engaged to Lindsey. Knowing all the facts about the time before his marriage it wasn't hard to calculate he shouldn't have married Lindsey, but try to get Peyton back. But by the time he had admitted it to himself it was too late.

He didn't want to put Peyton back to the home-wrecker's position. In all honesty she had never been one, but he knew that going behind Brooke's back and the way it had hurt her had done a number on Peyton's self image. Even though she was back being best friends with Brooke and it was all forgiven, it wasn't forgotten and with the right hints at hand it was easy for Lucas to read a shade of shame about it on Peyton's face. Even now - over ten years later. So he buried his feelings for her and focused on the easy life with Lindsey. He had had his share of infidelity in the past and he owed it to everyone he loved to stay loyal and committed this time around.

Emma noticed she was not going to get an answer from the question so she decided to speak instead. "I have a feeling all the things you praised in your relationship is actually the problem in it. When was the last time you fought?" Both Scotts shook their heads. "Fighting is part of the relationship. Constructive arguments take care of the boundaries of your self. Don't be afraid of it. What if you stopped trying to be so loyal and committed?" She paused to let her speech sink in. "Lucas, tell me what you love?"

"Like what do I like to do or...?"

Emma smiled reassuringly "What's important to you? What do you enjoy?"

Lucas took a moment and a sparkling smile crept onto his face. It had not appeared in the previous sessions. "Family is important to me. I love seeing my niece, nephew and little sister grow and playing and spending time with them." he paused a little as if taking his time to enjoy the thought. "I enjoy literature, music and basketball."

"You coach the Ravens, right? I've read your books, are you currently writing?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm hoping to leave my fourth book to my editor" he pointed towards Lindsey "in a month or so. I'm really excited."

"What about music? Are you musically talented, too?" Lindsey smiled amused at the question and Lucas let out a chuckle.

"No, I'm not. It's just important in my life. I guess it's one of my coping mechanisms that I've had for a long time. My best friend is a great musician and my mother started night club that's known venue for a lot of great bands. She actually gave it to me almost ten years ago."

Emma nodded. "What about you Lindsey, what do you love?"

"Well literature, obviously. It's an amazing feeling when you get to read stories that are so moving it feels like you're part of it. And I'm not talking just about Lucas's work, although I was really happy that five years ago when his niece was born he decided to pursue writing again."

"I used to love my family, too. My father was really important to me, but he died and it was hard. It shattered our family in many ways, so I no longer have a family like Lucas's to love. I also enjoy nature. Walks by the Walden Pond are always magical and North Carolina is not that bad either.."

Emma nodded again and smiled. She looked at the clock to see their time was running up. "We gotta continue next week, but here's a thought for you for the week: Instead of focusing on easiness, loyalty and commitment, what if you focused on the things you love and try to find the lost connection in sharing those things. It struck me as really odd that you both talked about loving your families, but not once did you include your spouse in it. Legally Lucas's family is now yours, too, Lindsey. And it's a common thought that when two people get married they become each other's most immediate family."

Lucas and Lindsey walked back to the car in silence. What the therapist said was something no one had ever noticed before. Not even themselves. But it was scarily true. They hadn't even talked about THEIR family since they had gotten married. That did not sound right. In all honesty it sounded terrible. It was time something needed to change. They either had to find the concept of Their Family or end the illusion and go separate ways.

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**A/N: So now the story is set up and we'll start moving on. Next chapter picks up both two first chapters. I look forward to hearing your reviews, thoughts and ideas. I'll let you know when the next chapter will be posted in replies to the reviews I can reply to. I'm hoping to maybe even publish one tomorrow, but I'm working two jobs and studying, so we'll see.. But, please review! They make a difference in writing this story.**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who's been reading, alerting and favoriting this story and a special thank you to **lukenpeyton4ever**, **EuST**, **Lexie-Rae**, **mahsa**, **julianafun**, **Anon**, **Ace5492**, **cayt326**, **annabelle18** and **AnnOTH21** for your reviews. It keeps me going and excited to know you're reading and what you think. And I gotta give a shout out to **leytonforever**, whose earlier review inspired me with the name of a new character I'm introducing in this chapter. It's not exactly White Collar, but I thought the name suited and the purpose may still be close, too. :)_

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-5 days after chapter 1, 3 days after chapter 2-

It was quite normal Friday afternoon for Peyton. Although most of her work was done from the office or recording studio she thought it important to keep a touch to the live performance side of her artits' work and to meet the fans that were to buy Red Bedroom albums. St was an exception to the rule if she was not preparing for any of her artists' shows on Friday afternoons. Usually she had to travel further to catch one of them touring, but this week she was with Mia and they had the home-court advantage of Tric. Peyton loved it all, but she had been the one starting live performances at Tric and no matter how she now lived in Wilmington Tree Hill was still home so it always felt special to catch a show there.

"Style-Police Baker's Outfit Delivery!" Brooke yelled from the door to signal Peyton to come to her help. "Brandon! Come on, buddy!" She had lots of outfits on one arm, she held a stylishly dressed 6-month-old baby girl with her other arm and she had an amused smile on her face as she watched a little boy running towards Tric's stairs.

Peyton took the baby from her long time best friend and Brooke went to help Brandon up the stairs. Peyton sat down and watched as Brooke walked in with her another godchild. She was so happy for her best friend. Even though Brooke had fallen in love with Peyton's ex-boyfriend and gotten everything she wanted much before her, she could not be hold grudge about her best friend's happiness.

If anyone deserved to be happy it was Brooke. And she was happy. She had been hesitant to Julian's love, when he came to Tree Hill to work on Unkindness of the Ravens movie. It had been quite soon after Lucas and Lindsey's wedding, but Peyton had already moved to Wilmington and filled her life with all the exciting things of her work. Brooke was afraid the movie would be too much for her best friend and she had given Julian and Lucas a hard time about it. Peyton had told her on the phone that she was okay with the idea, but it had not sounded very convincing. No matter how protective of Peyton Brooke was giving Julian hard time turned out tough when he charmed her with his goofiness and sincerity. He was one of the kind and lucky for Brooke Peyton gave them her blessing despite the history.

They had gotten married around the time Lydia was born and Brooke had received her favorite wedding present when after honeymoon Peyton had cut down on the traveling work to spend more time in Tree Hill. Brooke had radically cut down on work, when Brandon was born a year later. She left Clothes over Bro's mostly to the hands of Victoria and Millicent and did just the most necessary designing anymore. She was so born to be a mother and enjoyed every moment with now-four-year-old Brandon and his beautiful little sister Ellen.

"So , I have outfits for Mia and the band in here." Brooke pointed to most of what she had brought. "And you my best friend, should go put this on. But first.." She organized coloring book and pens for Brandon over at a nearby table and then came back "we're going to have some good girl-talk."

"Okay? What's up best friend?" Peyton gave Ellen back to Brooke as Brandon was all set.

Brooke looked at her incredulously. Her eyes were wide open and for a moment Peyton was worried she'd drop the baby as a reaction to her normal, basic question. "Um, no we're not talking about me. Who's the hottie?" She pointed with her head towards a handsome, about 30-year-old man, who was working on his laptop near the stage. The chair he was sitting on hung Peyton's leather jacket and Peyton's purse was leaning against his leg.

Peyton laughed at her best friend's enthusiasm. "Brooke, you do realize you are married to a man who loves you even more than I do and you have two beautiful children together. What was it that you used to said to Haley when she had gotten married: You eat at at home now.."

Brooke did not find it that funny. She gave her best friend a glare that demanded seriousness.

"Okay. Fine." Peyton was still smiling. "Neil, come meet my best friend!"

Brooke tried to swallow her squeal as he rose from the chair and walked over to them. Boy, he was even better looking than it had seemed from afar: about the same height as Nathan, he was well dressed, but still kept a laid-back appearance he had chocolate-brown hair and although his eyes weren't as piercing blue as Scott genes made them, the shade of gray was gentle and beautiful.

"Brooke, this is Neil. He's Mia's manager. Neil, this is my best friend Brooke." Peyton introduced them she smiled contently as he shook Brooke's hand and flashed her a smile.

"Nice to meet you, Brooke. And these two angels, are they yours?" Neil referred to Ellen and Brandon.

"Yeah, this is Ellen. And the boy is Brandon." Brooke smiled.

"Actually Brandon's my godson. A true rockstar in making.." Peyton elaborated to Neil. "Anyway, I love you Brooke, but I gotta get back to work. Can we hang out some other time when I'm not working?"

"Yeah, sure. I wanna go see Haley anyway. Call me when you're free and have a great day." Brooke hugged her briefly and excused herself to get her son ready to go.

"Hey, Brooke! Thanks for the outfits.."

"Oh, my problem. And Neil, there's an outfit for Peyton, too. Can I trust you to make sure she'll wear it?" Brooke winked and hurried Brandon towards the door.

Neil stood beside Peyton and watched as Brooke and the kids made their way out. "Wow! Sawyer, I thought you were special, but she's something else.. Is she always like that?"

Peyton hit his arm playfully and pretended to pout. "Yeah, that's Brooke. She's been that way all her life."

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Haley took a deep breath. She was by their swimming pool enjoying beautiful day and the way the water felt on her feet. Nathan, Jamie and Lydia were messing around in the pool, but she appreciated watching from the side and staying for the most part dry and comfortable. But she almost fell into the water as someone suddenly touched her shoulder.

"Luke, Lindsey.. What are you doing here?" she asked almost screaming as she tried to regain her balance and recover from the shock.

"Nice to see you, too, Hales." Lucas laughed. "We were just enjoying the beautiful day on a walk and we thought to stop by here as we were close by."

"On a walk?" something like that had never been reported to her before. It shouldn't have been that special, but it still felt odd to her.

"It's no New England, but Carolina scenery has its perks, too." Lindsey smiled.

"Okay, well there's lemonade on the table, get yourselves glasses from the kitchen and join in.." Lindsay went in for the both of them.

She had just made it inside, when Brandon came running from the car. The boy ran straight inside to get what he needed not even bothering to stop by and say hi to his aunt, uncles and cousins. The adults looked at each other amused and laughed. He was so Brooke's kid...

Brooke and Ellen did not come far behind and the elder Baker-lady ran with a similar enthusiasm than the four-year-old. "Haley! I met Neil!" she squealed not caring about the rest of the Scotts there.

Haley had no idea what Brooke was talking about. She couldn't come up with anything about any Neil in their previous conversations. "Um, okay. That's nice, but you do realize you're married to Julian?"

Brooke sat down next to Haley and shot her a glaring look. "Not funny, Peyton said the exact same thing. And I know I'm married, but this is not about me, it's Peyton."

Haley looked at her still lost. "Oh sure, yeah. I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"You know, Mia's manager Neil, right?" Haley nodded slowly.

"He is so hot! And I'll be a very happy maid of honor at his and our 's wedding." Brooke continued dreamily.

"Wedding? Well yeah, not bad actually... He is kinda hot..."

"Hey, husband here!" Nathan had no idea what they were talking about, but wasn't exactly into hearing his wife call some other man hot.

Haley blushed and gave him an apologetic smile. She also noticed how dark Lucas had gotten and that little Lydia was swimming towards them clearly wanting to take part in the public girl talk. "You know, Brooke, I think we should go... change Ellen's diapers. Come On!"

The women and the baby left as Lindsey returned back with Brandon and more glasses for the lemonade. But Lucas and Nathan hardly noticed the new additions to the company, both too deep in their thoughts of trying to figure out what was going on with this hot Neil and the three women.

"Daddy!" Lydia yelled to get her father's attention. "Is that man feeling really bad?"

"W-what?" Nathan wasn't sure if he had missed out on part of the conversation. Who would his princess be talking about?

"That Neil aunt Brooke was talking about.. Do you think he's feeling really sick? When I have a lot of temperature, I feel really bad and then mama sings to me.."

Jamie let out a laugh. Having a clueless little sister was so much fun sometimes. "No SillyD, in adult language hot means someone that gets kissed a lot.."

"So mama is hot because daddy kisses her All the time?" Lydia tried to make sense of the new information.

Everyone laughed except for Brandon, who did not quite understand. "Oh yes, sweetie, your mom is extremely hot. But like, Jamie said it's adult language so you really don't need to think about it any time soon."

Lydia ignored the last part and went on processing the new information. "Everyone says that I'm just like mama." All the three Scott men smiled at the little girl. "So if I'm like mama and mama is Extreemely hot, and hot gets kissed a lot, and daddy and Jamie," she counted with her fingers, "and mama and Aunt Peyt and Uncle Lucas all kiss me a lot, does it mean in adult language I'd be hot too?"

Her sweet voice did not help at all when the content of her speech sank in to the Scott boys. They grimaced at the thought. "Sweetie, I said it's just adult language so you really should not have to worry about that until you're at least 35. Let's go play with Brandon shall we?"

* * *

Ever since they had left therapy on Tuesday Lucas had been feeling extremely restless. There was an awkward silence in the house whenever it was just the two of them at home. Both had so much to think about and so much to change that they basically abandoned their good old easy routines and were now just hoped to find the new direction before the awkwardness made them go crazy.

Lucas had been sleeping on the couch. They lived on take-out. Lucas would order chinese from the house phone and Lindsey italian from her cell phone. It felt freeing to break the harmony, but they still did not know what it meant. Tuesday night they had decided to give it time, try separate lives and focus on sharing meaningful things and see if it would help them figure out a direction for the future. They still had not told anyone about their situation. They hadn't agreed not to say anything, but it had felt too embarrassing and confusing to speak about.

The couch wasn't a comfortable place to sleep in, scratch that, the house was not a comfortable place to sleep in anymore. So every night when Lindsay had gone to sleep Lucas had left the house to go to River Court. Just like everytime he had needed to clear his head since he was a teenager.

But tonight he did not find peace in the River Court, his usual safe haven, so he continued the walk all the way to his best friend and brother's house. It was past midnight he knew he shouldn't bother anyone at this time, but he couldn't take it any longer and he knew Haley was the only person he could talk to. So he knocked on the door he knew could be heard to Nathan and Haley's bedroom, but not to the kids' and soon his best friend came to the door. Her hair was mess and she was very groggy.

"I love you, Luke, but what on earth are you doing here at 1 am?" she said in a way it was hard to detect whether she was worried or annoyed.

"You were right. I was so hell bent on doing the right thing and staying loyal to the path I choice that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I have ruined everything."

She melted at the sight of her broken best friend. The last time she had seen him like this was about ten years ago, when he had proposed to Peyton. She did not know what was going on, but her heart was breaking for him so she closed him into a warm and loving embrace and let him inside.

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**A/N:**_ Alright, that was chapter 3. What'd you think? I will try to update the next chapter sometime at the end of this week, but as much as I'd love to just keep writing, I gotta focus on work more than I have now at the beginning of the week.. Please leave a review to keep the story going... Do you want to hear Haley and Lucas's discussion? I have some ideas for continuing the story still from the same night, but I'm not quite sure about it yet._


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N:** _Hi! I'm sorry I haven't replied to your reviews (thank you for them, they were inspiring and amazing), but I ended up writing like crazy for all the free time I've had and this chapter got finished before I got to replying, so.. I hope you don't mind ;)_

_Everyone, including me, seemed to want that Lucas and Haley conversation. So everything in this chapter happens the same night as when the last one ended.. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing!_

**Disclaimer:**_ I suck at remembering this, but no, I don't claim to own the characters or Tree Hill, and the song lyrics quoted are from Anna Nalick's Shine (heard in OTH512, found at her Shine EP,2008)_

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They sat in the dark Scott living room drinking hot chocolate. It was quiet. They were searching for words. It's funny how an author and former English teacher could be at such loss of them.

"Lucas, what's going on?" Haley finally asked him softly. They weren't the magical words that she hoped to find. But mere human ones had to do.

"You remember my novel, the one no one else has ever read?" Haley nodded sadly. "You told me then not to marry Lindsey and you were right. I shouldn't have." His voice was breaking and he buried his head to his hands as if he was extremely embarrassed.

"Luke, what happened?"

"We've been going to couples' therapy for two years now." He rose his head a little to see Haley's eyes wide open from the surprise. "TWO YEARS! How sad is that?"

"You know Nathan and I seeked help from therapy, too, it's nothing to be embarrassed by."

"Yeah, I know. But you did not go for two years and 5 different therapists with no outcome and you weren't married to a man you don't even consider family for seven years. How screwed up am I?" It was closer to a cry than speech that came out of his mouth.

"Woah, okay buddy, let's rewind. What?"

"Our latest therapy session was the first one that we actually got something out of. But she said that she recognized that when I talk about my family I talk about y'all and Lindsey talks about hers or she talks about y'all as my family although she married into it and then were realized how far we are."

Haley was thankful that Lucas had to breathe a little, because she was still trying to catch the content of his speech from all the rambling.

"We were so proud to tell her that despite our lack of connection, it was all very easy with us. And then she said it was our problem and now it's not easy, but we still don't connect..." And he explained everything about how the relationship had gotten so empty they had decided to seek help and they had been going at it for the sake of "working on it", because that, too, was easy. It was much easier than admitting to a failure or actually doing something to change it. Haley listened to her best friend rather shocked. She had had no idea what was going on. Yes, she had had her thoughts of Peyton and Lucas still belonging to each other and that maybe Lucas wasn't as happy as he had been with Lindsey. But everything seemed so fine, easy and blissful that she had not expected it to be just an automated cover for emptiness. The fact that the problem was much deeper and more complicated than Lucas maybe being hung up on his ex-girlfriend was new and startling to her.

Lucas had stopped talking and now just stared into the darkness. He appeared to be deep in his thoughts.

She tugged his hand so that he changed his position and leaned against her shoulder. "What are you thinking, Luke?"

Lucas was quiet for a moment. It just felt good to have his best friend by his side and connect safely and naturally. "If this whole thing wasn't so screwed up, I would find this all pretty ironic, kind of funny. Being with Peyton was never easy. But connecting with her was easier and more natural than breathing. Whereas, our marriage and being with Lindsey has been nice and easy all these long years until last Tuesday, but connecting with her outside of my books is just so hard.." Haley didn't say anything, but squeezed his hand for support.

"You know how we came here from our walk? It was part of our testing out if we could change things. The therapist told us to focus on the things we love and try sharing those things. So every day we've tried to do something like that. On Wednesday our try was reading out loud together. We figured, since we both like literature that could be a good start. The words were pre-written it should have been so easy, but for some reason neither of us was into it. And I can't remember another time I wouldn't have been into Steinbeck!"

They both let out a chuckle the situation wasn't exactly funny, but what he said was a truth about him on many levels and they both had about 20 years of experience of it.

"Yesterday I took Lindsey to River Court. We tried playing, but she soon admitted she didn't want to play. So she sat down on that table and started working as I shot some hoops. I doubt either of us really missed the other." He paused for a little before moving on to today's experience. "Today was Lindsey's love's turn so we went for the walk. You know, 'it was no New England, but..' I have no problem in walking, I like going on walks, but things are just so awkward now that it was terrible."

Haley rose up a little so that she could look at him better. "Luke, can I ask you a question?" he nodded "Why did you marry Lindsey if you still felt the need to take my advice on not giving the book to her?"

He took his time to think of an answer. "You accused me of not loving her. I said I did and I really did. I still do. But I guess I also knew that it wouldn't be ideal." Haley nodded. It made sense. "I also wanted so bad to do the right thing and I didn't really even let myself not think about the option of not marrying the woman I had already proposed to. I just wanted to and still just want to be a good man. Worthy. Trustworthy. Loyal. Someone you can look up to and count on. Someone who doesn't run away, when things don't go as you dreamed they would. Those were all lessons I learned from my earlier mistakes. I wanted to be better than the guy who cheated on Brooke and slept with Nicki so soon after professing love to Peyton or the guy who left Peyton in the hotel room alone and chances to talk and sort things out." He closed his eyes as if to escape everything for a little. He continued the last part softly, as if it was something fragile and precious "I want to be someone worthy of having kids, who look up to me like Jamie and Lydia look up to Nathan."

* * *

The gig had been over for a few hours and after a meet-and-greet Team Mia had retreated to the Red Bedroom offices to relax, well Neil, Chase, Mia and Peyton had anyway.

"Sawyer, I still must say you have the coolest office I have ever seen." Neil handed her a glass of wine.

"Thanks. Yeah, I kinda like it here." she took a sip and smiled.

"How does one get a place like this? I'm looking for a new office preferably somewhere in North Carolina and would totally settle for something even half as cool." he thought a bit and continued "Actually, something much less cool, if I got it cheaper.."

"Well, good luck with that.. Actually no, you're aiming at the impossible.. You can't get a place cheaper than Red Bedroom.." Mia smirked and patted him on the shoulder as she joined the two with Chase.

"You're saying this is cool and cheap and in the best possible place for a music company?"

Neil looked incredulously at both women, but since Peyton was blushing and quiet Mia took control of the conversation "Yeah.. I'd say free counts as pretty cheap.."

Chase couldn't help but laugh at Neil's reaction. He looked like the news were pretty much equal to Peyton having gotten the original Elvis Presley to join the label.

"Yeah.. She's not allowed to pay rent. Damn, to be that special.." Mia smirked again. She was 25 and married now, but still possessed the same love for action and watching people squirm.. And that was exactly what Peyton was doing. The topic felt embarrassing and she wanted an out.

"Any one for a game of pool?" Right there, thank god for the pool table.

Mr and Mrs Adams looked at each other and then Neil and Peyton and declined excusing themselves to go home.

"Okay, if you're sure you want to lose.." he winked.

"Oh, it is so on.." Peyton laughed and made the first shot.

"Oh, we need music!" she almost squealed and ran to her collections. It took Neil by surprise and made him miss. He rolled his eyes at her sudden change of energy and the sound of Anna Nalick's Shine filled the air.

"_Oh the night makes you a star and it holds you cold in its arms. You're the one to whom nobody verses I love you unless you say it first.._"

They had fun. What was meant to be one game for relaxation after work turned into hours long "best out of five" with a simultaneous extra game of who comes up with something wittier to say. Neil won at pool, Peyton at being witty and they were both content with the end results.

It was almost 4 o'clock in the morning when they ended the game and Peyton realized that if she drove all the way back to Wilmington just to come right back to spend the day with Nathan, Haley and kids she wouldn't get almost any sleep. Judging by Brooke's visit to Tric, if she went to Brooke's at this time of night, she could forget about sleeping as well. She loved her best friend but really did not feel like "girl talk" at 4 am.

So she opted for Nathan and Haley's guest room. She had a key and although she would be awaken by her favorite girl quite early, it was still better than no sleep at all. So turned on the stereo and turned Comet towards the Scott residence.

"_And I think you need, To stop following misery's lead, Shine away, shine away, shine away_"

She smiled. It had been a long, but good day. Tomorrow, well practically later today, she would get to have another one with some of her favorite people in the whole world. Life was good.

She opened the door quietly, but was surprised to see Nathan walking down the stairs. Had he not been so sleepy he would have been surprised, too.

"Doing the walk of shame at 4 in the morning?" he yawned.

Peyton joined Nathan in his walk towards the living room and chuckled a line from the song she had just been listening.

"_The past, he knocks on your door and throws stones at your window at four in the morning.._"

"Okay I have no idea what you're saying, but knowing you it sounds like song lyrics. And seriously, Sawyer, it's 4 am!" Nathan whimpered as they arrived in the living room.

They stopped on their tracks at the sight in front of them. Lucas and Haley were asleep on the couch, leaning into a tight embrace. There were two empty cups of hot chocolate and a bunch of used tissues on the floor. What was going on?

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**A/N:** _What do you think? All and any feedback is very much appreciated. Any ideas what should happen in the first real Lucas/Peyton interaction of the story? I think that will be in the next chapter.. Thanks again for reading and for last chapter's reviews and alerts! I'm still aiming next chapter to the end of the week, but this time I can pretty much guarantee it'll not mean tomorrow.._


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Hey! Thank you **Lucasandpeytonfanatic**, **lukenpeyton4ever**, **Ace5492**, **Anon**, **OTHGirl24**, **cayt326**, **Lexie-Rae**, **annabelle18**, **christina248**, **jamyj30** and **lEYtOnFoREVERyay** for your amazing reviews! And Anon, no I agree with you about what you said about the Leyton reunion, so it'll take time. Hopefully you'll enjoy the journey! :)

I was going to write more to this chapter, but then the rest just did not fit into it, so this is a shorter one and the next chapter then will move things forward a bit more.. Enjoy!

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At 9 am Nathan was making pancakes in the kitchen and Peyton was half asleep against their kitchen table. Lydia had woken up at 8:30 and about 15 minutes later she had realized her godmother was in the house. She had ran straight to the guest bedroom, woken Peyton up and dragged her to the kitchen with her. Peyton had guessed it would happen, but as she had reasoned, at least she got the four hours of real sleep. Waking up to Lydia was also way better than an annoying alarm clock. Luckily the little girl was also content drawing quietly next to her and she could just enjoy the smell of Nathan's pancakes, close her eyes and rest her head on the table.

Lucas was the next one to arrive. From the way he was walking it was obvious his back was hurting because of the night on the couch. Haley followed basically right behind him, but she had much more energy and instead of falling into another chair around the table like Lucas, she went on to join her husband in breakfast preparations.

"That's what you get for keeping my wife away from my bed.." Nathan said to Lucas, who was fidgeting on the chair trying to find the most comfortable position. Of course Nathan would have preferred to get to sleep next to his lovely wife all night, but he wasn't mad. He had nothing to worry about. It was more just amusing. "What's going on anyway?"

"Oh, you know.. Best friend business, had some old conversations to finish." Lucas gave Haley a much telling look that he did not want to make his situation public yet.

Nathan looked at his wife and brother weighing the meaning of the information. Seemed like even if something was up, this was not the setting to get to it. "So everything is okay?"

"Yeah, apart from this back of mine.."

"You know, you're lucky I'm so much hotter than you. Otherwise you'd be wishing you only had a sore back.." Nathan laughed.

Lydia on the other hand rose her head from the drawing "What! Don't Aunt Lindsey kiss Uncle Lucas?"

Her question got all the four adults' full attention. Lucas gave Haley a worried look. How could she know what was going on? Haley was confused and Peyton felt herself quite awake all of a sudden. She tried to hide the sudden change, though.

"Honey why would you ask that?" Haley voiced everyone's thoughts.

"Well, Jamie said that hot is adult language for someone who gets kissed a lot and I thought aunt Lindsey was uncle Lucas's mama, but doesn't uncle Lucas get kissed then?" the little girl's logic was fabulous, but at not much after 9 am and after not that great night's sleep it all sounded extremely complicated, although very convincing.

"Isn't aunt Lindsey your mama?" Lydia directed a rephrased version of the question straight to Lucas.

"Honey, we talked about this. Aunt Lindsey is uncle Lucas's wife, like I am not daddy's mama but daddy's wife, although I'm your mama." Haley tried to save her best friend.

Lydia looked at her as if to say, 'So? You're getting side-tracked..' And she totally was.

"Honey, you know how your daddy sometimes says some funny things to you, but you don't have to take them seriously?" Peyton tried explaining. She had at least better success than Haley. Lydia nodded. "Well that was just like that, except he was goofing around with uncle Lucas instead of you. I'm sure your uncle Lucas... ...gets kissed, too. You don't have to worry about the adult things." Peyton looked around and noticed a tennis ball on the floor. "But if you Have to worry about him, you could take that ball and roll it over your uncle's back a little, it seems to be really sore and I think a nice back-rub from you might help."

Lucas shot Peyton his most grateful and sincere look. This woman was amazing: so passionate and kind, creative and incredible with kids. Inside and out she was the most incredible creature he had ever met. Looking at her he knew what should what he needed to do. Or maybe not quite that much, but he knew what needed to be the aim when making decisions for his life.

After the break up, Brooke had told him to write an amazing book and be the best version of himself, for Peyton. Ever since then that had been his goal - motto for life, in a way. He had written the book and mastered being what he set out to be as a writer, but in the rest of it he had fallen short of that. He had tried by committing to loyalty and in many other ways, but now it seemed it had all gone to waste most of his tries had turned out to be mistakes. Maybe his general issue was also part of the connection problem with Lindsey. If he was only good at the books, why would their relationship be good outside of them. Then again, there was always a connection with Peyton, maybe it was more than that with Lindsey. Anyway, no matter what the case, Lucas recommitted himself to being the best possible version of himself and trying to be the kind of person Peyton deserved to have in the world she lived in.

"By the way, Peyton what are you doing here at this time already? Not that we don't love having you here, but I thought you were coming only a little before 10 am?" Haley changed the subject as the situation had calmed down.

Nathan chuckled from the stove. He turned around and stuck his tongue out to Peyton, who returned the gesture a little annoyed.

"Oh it was so funny... I went to check up on you at 4 am and Sawyer here was entering the house. I wish you had been awake for that, it was like watching an entertaining case of walk of shame in our own house.. But it makes all the sense in the world, considering you were at Tric until that later, or early.."

Lydia had once again alerted and had been dying to pipe in already in the middle of Nathan's sentence, but having been brought up well she waited until her father finished. "What's a walk of shame?"

It was Nathan's turn to be embarrassed. Twice in the morning had his sweet and innocent daughter caught words and phrases from his speech that she maybe shouldn't have. "I think we have enough pancakes. Lydia go wake up Jamie!" He said sternly and as soon as the little girl was out all the three others burst to laughter they had been holding in.

He needed to get them to stop laughing and change the subject, so he decided to go back to the Peyton topic. It was the most interesting one after all. "But Peyton why did you come home at 4 anyway?"

They all stopped laughing and Peyton grinned. They had had so much fun. "Well Mia had a gig at Tric and challenged her manager Neil to a game of pool."

"The hot Neil?" Lucas couldn't help but ask and it came out at exactly same moment as Nathan's "Some game of pool" and Haley's question "You played pool until 4 am?"

Peyton laughed at them. "Yes, we had fun. It got intense and we made it best of 5. And wait, the hot Neil?" As soon as she said it she realized why Lucas new about him and called him that.

"Brooke!" they all answered at the same time.

Peyton and Haley moved on to talk about Neil's search for an NC office and Haley's realtor friend, who could maybe help, and what they guessed could be the best locations for him. But the men stayed quiet, in their own thoughts until the kids arrived for breakfast. There was something startling to them about the last 24 hours' of Neil hysteria. Who was this guy anyway? Just because the women seemed to love him, didn't mean he was good enough for Peyton. Maybe they were a little jealous, too. Lucas admitted to the feeling, but had to remind himself to be the better guy he had decided to be even through this all. He had a lot to think about and one thing to add to that list was, why Lindsey, his wife, never made him feel like he needed to be better for her. It was always Peyton, who had been out of his in a long time.

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**A/N:** What did you think? I'll aim to have the next chapter up about mid-week next week. It'll most likely skip ahead a few days to the next Tuesday and Lucas and Lindsey may have a talk about their situation.. But there will be more than just them :) I look forward to hearing your thoughts in reviews..


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thank you **Lucasandpeytonfanatic, lift-me-up, TheirDiamonds, lukenpeyton4ever, OTHGirl24, cayt326, jamyj30, Lexie-Rae, Ace5492, bendecida82 **for your wonderful reviews and I apologize for not replying (at least yet). Have anyone else's Fanfiction emails been acting up? Mine's been screwed up and the emails come with days' delay (if at all I sometimes feel). So I only noticed some of the reviews now, which was a wonderful surprise. Getting to post this right after reading the most persuasive "update soon" request I have ever seen, makes this all the more special to me. Had I known I'd end up dedicating this chapter to you **bendecida82, **it might have turned out different. But when I'll hit post, I'll think about you warmly and hope this will bring you joy. **  
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"Welcome back Mr. and Mrs. Scott!" their counselor shook their hands and they once again seated themselves to her office. "How has the week been?"

"It's been different." Lucas said as he noticed Lindsey was going to need a little time.

"Has it been a good or bad difference?"

"Both." the estranged couple said simultaneously.

"Tell me about it. How has it been different?"

"It has been nothing like it ever was before. More real, I think. We have been so apart. Mostly lived our own lives and then tried to just make an effort in connecting, like you told us. And I think I think, at least I have connected with myself better than before. It has been a painful and confusing week, but I have a have felt like myself more than I have in a very long time." Lindsey explained.

"Yeah, you felt like that, too? Because, I was just thinking that it felt like a found a huge piece of me that had been lost for years." for the first time in a really long time they shared a genuine smile. Ironically it was one that actually made them feel a connection between them. They took in the feeling of it before Lucas continued.

"I also realized that I need to take care of that part I found on my own. I have lacked integrity and been a lousy husband to you - not really even deserving the title. I need to work on being a better man than I have been. But I don't think I can work to save our marriage and strengthen my integrity. It has just felt like we're too far gone." Lucas let out a sigh as he finished. He hated saying that. He had basically admitted that he'd been wrong for the past 7 years, or at least that he was now failing at what he had been fighting for for so long. No one wants to admit that.

But Lindsey nodded. A tear fell down her cheek, but she gave him a weak, sad smile. "I've been thinking I want to move to Boston. This week I have missed New England much more than I've missed you. I feel it's my home like Tree Hill is yours. I'm too broken and tired to fight for our marriage. I just want to heal and feel at home again." They were really connecting now. Despite the pain and a little bit of shame of not making it as they had set out to, they enjoyed the connection through the shared feeling that it really was over and it was time for the both of them to heal, be better than they had been and move on. So they looked at each other with love as to wish the other something better than they had managed together.

Their counselor looked at the two eyes wide open. No way were they going to have an easy divorce after an easy marriage.. It was not human. "Well, how do you feel?"

Lindsey turned to their counselor. Now that it was all out there she felt more empowered. "I met Lucas through his book about his ex-girlfriend Peyton. I fell in love with the way he was so passionate and caring for her character in the book I was editing. He was so meticulous in choosing the words to describe her in the book that he made me connect with her, too. It was like it was something so immense that even getting just side effects of that love and passion and connection was amazing. When we started a relationship I thought that maybe he could shift that all to me. I think I have been waiting and hoping for that all these years. But it never happened, in fact the opposite did. We became empty shells living life that looked good and didn't feel like anything." She was crying and even he had tears in his eyes.

"And I'm sorry and tired and hurt about all of it. But I just don't want that anymore." She turned towards Lucas. "I hope you'll find all those pieces of you that have been lost. I'll go to your house now to pack and book a flight. I hope we can take some time to heal first, before getting into the divorce process."

Lucas nodded. He rose and hugged her tight whispering "I'm sorry" before she left. He wiped his own tears and said goodbye and thank you to the counselor before leaving the office as well.

To his surprise Lindsey was right outside the building waiting for him. "We came with the same car." she answered to his questioning look. "Also, I wanted to talk about the arrangements. Could I have the house to myself while packing? I know it's your house, really, so I hate to ask, but I'm just not sure I can handle any distractions right now."

"Yeah. It's fine. Take the time you need. If you can drop me off at Nathan and Haley's. I'll just crash at theirs." Lindsey nodded and they walked to her car in silence. An era of safety and stability had come to an end. At this point there was nothing to say anymore.

* * *

It was a beautiful day and so Peyton had taken up Brooke's suggestion to have some girl time by Nathan and Haley's pool. She had had an early and efficient morning and would have some important meetings in the evening so a beautiful afternoon with her two best girl friends and some sweet tea sounded really awesome. Ellen was napping in the shades and the mothers had somehow managed to persuade Peyton's godchildren to play by themselves. It was just nice and peaceful.

"I know we see each other often, but it feels it's rare to have opportunities for girl heart-to-hearts like this so, how are you doing ?" Brooke said with a soft, little worried voice.

Peyton smiled at her best friend's caring. "I'm good, Brooke. Really. I've been doing awesome. I have family, friends, exciting work, great music.. I'd be crazy to be complaining."

Brooke and Haley looked at each other as if to weigh the best direction for the conversation.

"I don't know, a week and half ago when Lydia brought up your relationships, you didn't look that good. You know we're here for you, even if there is something to complain?" Haley continued.

Peyton thought for a moment. "I mean, yeah, I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't wish to have 'a daddy', too. I'm dating, who knows if someone comes along sometime. But I'm not going to force it. I don't want to do all that just because I should, but only if it feels right. I want what you both have and if I can't get it then I'll just enjoy life as I get it."

"Wait! What's 'a daddy'? Peyton you already have awesome Larry and rock star Mick, why would you want another dad?"

Haley and Peyton burst to such laughter that Brooke was sure it'd wake up Ellen. Luckily it didn't, but she had to wait annoyingly long for her two best friends to calm down enough to answer her legitimate question.

"In my daughter's language 'a daddy' means Nathan-type of amazing husband. We have tried to teach her to say husband instead, but she never uses it." Haley explained. Peyton was still holding her belly that was a little sore from the laughing.

"You know I'm proud of your attitude. You're way too awesome to settle and when things are right it will be so amazing. Just look at Brooke and Julian!" Haley continued. She thought back to Lucas and Lindsey. She had just learned the hard way that settling wasn't worth it. It was obvious Lucas didn't want anyone to know about what was going on with them, so she couldn't tell them, but she wanted to get the message across anyway.

Brooke nodded in agreement, but they changed the topic to a movie Julian was asked to direct and how Brooke struggled to have a clear opinion about it. It would be further away so they'd either have to be separated a lot or go with him and it was just all very complicated. The women couldn't really come up with any good solutions, but it was still great to get to share the issue and Peyton and Haley offered to help in anyway they could no matter what the Baker family decided to do.

They were about to move on to Haley's life when Peyton's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" She was a little annoyed by the distraction.

"Hi Peyton. It's Neil. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"Uh, hi! No, it's okay. What's up?" Peyton was glad Brooke had only met Neil so briefly Brooke couldn't possibly figure out it was him, but just in case Peyton took the call further from her snooping best friends.

"Straight to the point, I have been hunting for a Carolina office and an apartment for me somewhere nearby and my agent has been showing me a lot of places basically between Tree Hill and Wilmington."

He paused for a moment and Peyton could hear him instructing someone in a distance to hold on for one minute. Seemed like he was busy.

"I found one of each that I really like, but the office is in Tree Hill and apartment in Wilmington. I know you have it like that, too, and I was just wondering how you found the distance?"

Even though they had talked about it and had worked together she had not expected that he'd ask her help. Then again, why not? It did make sense, it just took her by surprise.

"Oh, wow. That's great! Um, I think at times it would be easier to still live back here in Tree Hill so near the office. I don't really need to 'escape work' all the way to Wilmington like in other professions, like teaching you might not want to run in to work on your days off. But it suits my life to live further away. Besides our work can be so anywhere that in my experience it doesn't make much difference." She blushed as she noticed she was rambling a little.

On the other side of line someone was talking to Neil again. "Yeah, I thought so, thanks, I'm sorry to cut this so short, but I really have to go.. Thanks for your help, I'll try if I could get them."

"Yeah, no, it's okay. I hope you'll get good ones. Let me know how it goes!"

"Will do, laters!" Neil's hanging up sounded like he started to run at the same time.

Peyton returned to Brooke and Haley with an unintentional smile plastered on her face.

"Well, who's the guy?" Brooke asked eyes shining and Peyton immediately frowned.

"What do you mean?" playing dumb tactic often at least mellowed down unavoidable conversations when Brooke was in her girl-talk-obsessive state.

"I mean, who's the guy that got you smiling?" Brooke defined in a little mocking voice.

"Oh, the guy on the phone now?" Peyton knew they were going to have a long discussion about Neil and she certainly was not going to give Brooke the full satisfaction of it and join in her enthusiasm. Brooke and Haley nodded like they were five-year-olds and she was about to tell them how to go meet Santa already in November. "That was just Neil asking whether it's a pain to be living in Wilmington and have an office in Tree Hill."

The two squealed so loud that this time Ellen woke up to it. They got back to the business as soon as Brooke sat back down with her drowsy daughter curled up against her chest. "So what's going on with you and mr. Hottie?"

Peyton chuckled. "Nothing special. We're colleagues and friends." the two married women were still raising their eyebrows at her she added, "and I guess chances are we'll soon be almost neighbors."

"NOTHING SPECIAL! Peyton, he's So hot.. If I didn't have Julian and I was working with someone like him, there would totally be something." Brooke sounded like she was pleading.

Haley was much calmer. She smiled amusedly. "What about the friday-saturday night? Maybe it's just that I've been married for almost half of my life and lost touch of reality, but that sounded like something to me."

If possible, Brooke's eyes lit up even a little bit more. "What! What happened that night?"

"They played pool at Tric until 4 am and she ended up crashing at our place." Haley smiled.

"No way!" Brooke gasped. Then she frowned and slapped Peyton's arm softly. "If I didn't love you so friggin' much, we'd so not be best friends anymore. You have to tell me these things. I'm married and my name went from to Mom almost like overnight and I love it, but I need you to keep me on top of stuff like this."

Lindsey pulled over by Nathan and Haley's to drop Lucas off. They could hear girly laughter and squealing, no doubt Brooke, from the back yard so Lucas knew to go straight to the back without trying the front door first.

"Lucas!" Lindsey stopped him when he was closing the car door. She took off her engagement ring and handed it back to him. "It's Keith's ring. I'm sure he'd want you to have it. I think it shouldn't have been mine to begin with.. Goodbye Lucas!" She closed the door and drove off. Lucas held the ring in his hands smiled at it weakly, took his own ring off and tucked both of the rings safely to his pocket. Before making his way to the women in the backyard.

Peyton's phone rang just as Lucas joined the three women and the baby.

"Oh, it's Neil, I'll be back. Hi Luke!" she excused herself.

"What's up with her and the hot Neil?" Lucas asked hiding his left hand into his pocket and trying to make it sound unaffected.

"Neil's buying himself an office and home from here." Haley answered when she noticed that Brooke was too deep in her day dreams to pay attention to Lucas. "What are you doing here?"

Lucas was quiet for a while and then pulled on a sheepish smile. "I was wondering if I could stay here for a while.. Like the rest of the week?"

"Yeah, of course. You're always welcome here, but what's going on?"

Lucas checked that Brooke really wasn't paying any attention to them and briefly showed his left hand's naked ring finger to his best friend. "She's packing up and I promised to give her space."

Haley nodded. "We'll talk tonight and you can tell me everything." She turned back to the mother and baby next to her and snapped her fingers in front of Brooke's face "Earth to Brooke!"

It was obvious that Lucas wasn't ready for the others to know about it yet so it was best to change the subject. "What got you so deep in your thoughts you did not even notice Lucas appearing right next to you and talking to us?"

"Oh, hi Broody! Don't tell Peyton, cause she'd freak out but I was just thinking that Neil and 's babies would be so beautiful.. How cool would it be?"

"Brooke! You are way ahead of yourself!" Haley raised her voice a little by the shock of it. Lucas winced at the image. He had not seen Neil and had no idea what he looked like, but the mental image of Peyton having his children no matter how cute they were was not pleasurable to him.

"I know, I know. I just want her to be happy." Brooke defended herself stopping speaking just as Peyton, still on the phone got closer.

Peyton mouthed "he got them" to Brooke and Haley, who squealed, before listening in on what Peyton was saying to the phone.

"No, Eight sounds kind of early, would you be okay with nine?" Lucas, Brooke or Haley did not hear Neil, but apparently it was, since Peyton continued. "Great, pick me up on Monday at 9. See you then!"

Lucas knew now exactly what it must have been like for Peyton when she still loved him and he was with Lindsey. It was still the same day he had separated from his wife and here he was jealous over a girl he had rejected seven years ago. It was so wrong he would have slapped himself for it. Seemed like he had a long way to go for finding that best version of himself he had made his mission to find and be.

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**A/N:** Thanks for reading! That was chapter 6. It was tough to write and I'm feeling kind of lost with it. I know the bigger arc of the story, but I'm trying to figure out what to do for next chapter. So if you have anything you'd want, let me know. And anyway, I'm very interested in hearing what you think. So please review!

ps. I updated a new chapter to my first story Would You Be My Brother? on Sunday. It's categorized to Peyton and Nathan, because it's a Leyton, Naley with a corner stone in Pathan friendship, but it's very Leyton, AU, though. Anyway, check it out if you're interested. I have the next chapter of that half way through and I'm very excited to get to share it with you, so most likely that will be my next update, but I aim to have a new chapter to both stories by the end of next week at latest.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I woke up this morning and did not like how the first page was almost full of Brucas stories and so it inspired me to update a Leyton story for all of us missing Leyton.. I also got extremely inspiring reviews from last chapter. So thank you **cayt326, jamyj30, bendecida82, OTHGirl24, lucasandpeytonfanatic, Lexie-Rae, Ghostwriter and Ace5492 **for inspiring me and keeping me writing this story. I got feedback that the kids were missed in last chapter. I missed them, too. And so in this chapter I have extra Peyton and kids goodness. I had tons of fun writing it. It's also the longest the longest chapter I have written so far (I think). I hope you enjoy it too!

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_-The same Tuesday night-_

Lucas gave the Scott family hosting him some alone time and he locked himself to the quest room to write for most of the evening. When the kids were both sleeping Haley knocked on his door and invited him to join her and Nathan downstairs in the living room.

"Want a beer?" Nathan asked Lucas when he brought Haley a glass of red wine. He nodded towards the table with two bottles already opened.

"Yeah. Thanks!" He reached for one almost at the same time as Nathan got his. Nathan snuggled to his wife's side and Haley shot Lucas a look that asked if it was okay for them to be so comfortable with each other while he was away from his wife.

Lucas knew exactly what her look was asking and chuckled. "Yeah, go ahead."

Nathan looked at the two wondering what was going on and went then straight to the point. "Not that we don't love having you here, but why sudden camp out here? Is everything alright? Where's Lindsey?" Haley placed her hand on his thigh signaling him to slow it down.

Lucas was more alright with Nathan's questions than Haley was worrying. "Um, it's over. Lindsey is packing at the house. I promised to stay out of the way until she gets a flight to Boston. When the time is right, we'll get a divorce."

Nathan just stared at his big brother trying to wrap his head around what he just heard. "But why? I didn't even know you had problems?" He held onto Haley a little tighter as if to make sure she'd always be there by his side.

Lucas saw that, too and both him and Haley smiled at the gesture. "Yeah, I think that was part of the problem. We let it get too easy. We couldn't connect even so much to fight. It was going on for years that all that kept us together was a piece of paper saying we're committed to each other and the house we lived in. We forgot each other out of our definitions of family. We simply just co-existed."

"Wow.." Nathan took his time to process the information. Then all of a sudden a light of understanding went on in his eyes "Was it Peyton?"

"Nathan!" Sometimes Haley wished her dear husband was a little bit more discreet. Lucas did not seem to mind his brother's bluntness, in some other state of mind he would have, but apart from the shame of seven years and a huge promise falling apart he had found a peace about the decision.

"What! You know how they used to love each other.. And I know you've still been picking up vibes and gestures from them. If even I have there's no way you could have missed them. Besides, at least they never 'simply just co-existed'. If she had anything to do with all this, I think we should know so we'll know where everyone stands.."

"Um, little brother, I'm still here.." Lucas pointed out and the couple turned their attention back to the blonde.

He was about to continue, but all of a sudden he did not know what to say. He opened his mouth to deny Peyton having anything to do with their divorce, but suddenly he couldn't say that. No, Peyton wasn't the reason they broke up, because if she had been it would have happened much sooner. But did she play any role in the break-up? Lucas tried, but couldn't deny that she did. He wanted what he had had with Peyton: something that deep and meaningful. He guessed Lindsey wanted that, too. They just couldn't give that to each other. It was a fact that behind everything that went wrong in their relationship there had always been his ideal woman of someone as passionate and amazing as Peyton and his ideal relationship with connection, meaning and love that made him so brave he would risk anything and everything, even his own life for the woman he loved. Despite his screw ups he had had that passion with Peyton.

"If our divorce had been just my try to get back with Peyton, it would have happened a long time ago. When I still maybe would have had a chance with her." he finally answered vaguely, but honestly.

His answer caused Nathan to smirk. But he soon pulled himself together and said sincerely, "I'm sorry, bro. About all of it."

Haley, who had mostly been quiet rose and and embraced her best friend with all the love she had. "You know that we love you no matter what? And that we're here for you no matter what.." she almost whispered.

Lucas smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, but if you don't mind, I'd like to go upstairs to my room and just write tonight.."

Haley let go of him and he walked towards the stairs. He turned back to his brother and best friend. "Oh, and I'd really appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself for now. It's really over and I'm okay with that. But it's all happened so fast and I feel like I need some time to tell everyone about this."

"Yeah, of course. We're here for you" Nathan answered for the both of them and Lucas made his way upstairs.

"Haley," Nathan said with a vulnerability in his voice. Haley could remember only a handful moments with him like that, like when he stumbled to her room after he had collapsed because of drugs when they were going out or when she was hit by Daunte's car, when she was expecting Jamie. "come here.."

Haley moved back into her husband's arms. It was hard for her to understand Lucas and Lindsey's drifting apart, when her own marriage had been such a blessing for not only 7 years, but close to twice as long. She still felt so great just having his arms around her.

"The other night that you fell asleep on the couch with Luke, you knew about this, didn't you?" Nathan asked quietly.

"Yeah, he told me that night that they were trying to figure out which direction to take. He was so broken and confused that night. I'm still worried about him, but it feels like he's doing much better now."

Nathan tugged his wife's hand to get her to turn to face him. He looked deep into her eyes and begged "Promise me we'll never end up like them. Haley, I can't lose you."

"You won't. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." She kissed him to prove it.

"Yeah," then to Haley's surprise he laughed. "Besides, I doubt we'll ever have a problem of having it too easy. We've had so much hardships in our lives that even if nothing happened for the rest of our lives, I'm still pretty sure our life or relationship couldn't have been called easy. And no matter how awesome our kids are they'll surely provide us with plenty of challenges. Parenthood always does."

Haley leaned back against him and they were quiet for a moment. Both thinking about their own lives and Lucas and Lindsey. "I'm not saying they should have had kids, but I just think that it surely would not have allowed them to have a too easy life."

She turned to look at him again. She looked at him like he had said something somewhat unbelievable. "Do you really believe the real problem was that they had it so easy?"

It was Nathan's turn to wonder what was going on in her head. "What?"

"Do you think circumstances can be big enough problem to make a marriage of seven years with an enormous amount of will to commit fall apart like that?" she rephrased the question.

"Look, I've been holding this in for seven years and I've hated to keep secrets from you. So now that you know what you learned tonight I can tell you what I've been wanting to for years. The night before Lucas and Lindsey's wedding I told Lucas not to marry Lindsey. I had read his novel that he never published and it was a beautiful, heartbreaking love story about a boy who saw a comet, fell in love with it and could never let go. It was so Peyton that it hurt me to see him get married to Lindsey."

For the second time that night Nathan was trying to understand some completely new information. "Are you saying you've been wanting this to happen all along?"

"What no, all I've ever wanted was for Lucas to be happy and I just had this very bad feeling when they got married that he was making a mistake. But when he did anyway, of course I supported him and I never wanted this to happen. Apart from just needing to confess to you what I said to Lucas the day before he got married, I guess my point just was that I think you're right about him and Peyton. I think there's still something there.."

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_-Same week's Saturday-_

"Lydia Peyton Scott. Come here, I've missed you!" Peyton called as she arrived to the Scott household as almost every Saturday. And the little girl ran to her godmother's arms like her life depended on it, just like almost every time she saw Peyton.

Peyton could hardly say hi to Nathan, Haley and Jamie when little Lydia already dragged her away from them. The two sat down to a beanbag where Peyton often read for the girl. It was their own safe haven, a special place for one-on-one time.

"Do you want us to read something?" Peyton asked and ruffled the little girl's hair. Lydia shook her head and then pressed it tight against her godmother's chest. She seemed sad somehow. "How are you doing princess?"

"Did you know that uncle Lucas has been living here, in your room now?"

"What? No, I didn't know that. Why has he been here? Is aunt Lindsey here, too?" Lydia's question took her by surprise. Why would Lucas be here, when his house was so close by?

"Mama says he's on vacation here. He mostly just writes in your room. I don't see him that much." Peyton nodded at the information. She was worried about him, but there was no point in making a five-year-old worried, too. Besides, although they were friends again, their relationship wasn't the kind where she was in any kind of position to save him if he even needed that. Lydia continued "I think he's sad, though. Can you help me to cheer him up?"

"You know that we're all sad sometimes and it's okay." Peyton tried to reason first. She did not want to get involved with this. But when the little girl just nodded still expecting for a plan for them to cheer her uncle Lucas up, Peyton knew she couldn't help but be involved. She may not have been in any kind of position to try to help him herself, but if her goddaughter wanted to cheer him up, she would do anything for that little girl. "You know what, your uncle Lucas really loves chocolate chip cookies. Do you want to bake with me?"

"Yes! I'm a really good cook. We'll make the best cookies in the world and I'll give some to uncle Lucas and he can eat them with milk and feel good again." Lydia got excited.

"I think it sounds like a great plan. Especially, if you think it sounds like fun to you.." Lydia nodded many times to confirm that it would be lots of fun to her and Peyton chuckled at the funny girl. "Because, princess, sometimes adults just need to be sad and even if your uncle Lucas won't cheer up by the cookies, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you."

"Okay, let's go bake." Lydia said more interested about the prospect of baking with her aunt than getting the life lessons from her. She was already dragging Peyton towards kitchen.

"Whoa! Where are you two going?" Nathan asked as they passed the rest of the family in a hurry.

"We're baking cookies. You're not allowed to the kitchen, you'd only eat the dough and this is important!" Lydia answered not bothering to turn and face her father.

The rest of them laughed.

"Can I?" Jamie asked when Peyton and Lydia were already in the kitchen.

"No!" Lydia yelled back. But soon she peeked her head back from the kitchen. "I changed my mind Jamie, you can come. But NO eating the dough!"

Peyton was gathering all the ingredients to the table, when Jamie joined them. She picked up Haley's apron for herself, and the kids' aprons tossing Jamie's to him and helping Lydia with hers.

"So aunt Peyton, what's going on?" Jamie asked putting his apron on.

"Your sister wants to cheer your uncle up by baking him chocolate chip cookies. Are you in?"

"Yeah, cool! I can read the recipe. I think uncle Lucas is gonna love our cookies." Jamie joined in and got his little sister beam at the support.

The three had a lot of fun in the kitchen and although as a result the kitchen was pretty messy they also managed to make some really great cookies. When they got the cookies out of the oven and most of the kitchen somewhat clean Peyton sent the kids to get the three adults for milk and cookies while she finished the cleaning.

They all six sat around the Scott kitchen table enjoying the delicious cookies.

"Wow, great job kids. These cookies are heavenly!" Lucas admired.

Jamie took a bit of his cookie and leaned back a little smugly. "I must say I kind of saved them. So you're welcome!"

"Jamie! You weren't supposed to tell on me.." Lydia groaned.

"What, what's going on kids?" Nathan started a fatherly investigation.

"Lydia thought a dash was a handful. She filled almost her hand almost full of salt and would have ruined the batch if I hadn't caught her in time." Jamie laughed.

"I have small hands. I thought it could be an adult dash." Lydia defended herself and buried her head into Peyton's lap a little embarrassed.

Lucas chuckled. "You know, it's okay princess, your aunt Peyton put a handful of salt instead of a dash, too, when she made me cookies in High School."

Lydia rose her head. Her eyes had been about to form a few tears, but they were shining so bright now. "Really?"

Lucas smiled at the memory. "Yeah, but she was a lot older than you, then and her big brother wasn't there to tell her to not put that much salt, so those cookies turned out really salty."

"Hey, you were not supposed to use that against me, ever!" Peyton groaned just like Lydia had groaned earlier.

Lucas smiled his first very sincere smile in a week "I am not. I told you they were the best cookies I'd ever had and they were.. Although now it might be a tie with these ones.."

Peyton caught herself smiling, too. She tried to reason it was just a smile for her goddaughter's success, but an undeniable truth was a lot of it had to do with Lucas and what he had said about her cookies, basically their past. She collected herself fast, though, reminding herself to enjoy the gift of moving on and future rather than holding onto a past that was long gone.

They enjoyed the cookies and milk mostly listening to Jamie and Lydia's stories about baking with Haley. To Lucas it was the best moment he had had in a long time. He was sorry he hadn't included Lindsey to his family, when she was supposed to be it. But eating cookies and drinking milk with Jamie, Lydia, Haley, Nathan and Peyton felt like home and that was a feeling he had really missed.

When they had all eaten Lucas offered to help Peyton finish up the cleaning and do the dishes. There wasn't much to be done, but she had done so much already that since the kids, well Lydia, allowed him to help, he wanted to do what he could. They had sent Lydia on a quest to prevent her from making more mess at the final stages of cleaning and now that it was just the two of them they were quiet for a moment.

"Luke, Lydia told me you've been staying here. Is everything alright?" Peyton finally gathered up her courage to ask.

She had clearly not noticed his empty left ring finger and now would have been a perfect moment for him to tell her about the separation and future divorce. But he felt so ashamed and unworthy having just watched her rock the household and make every Scott's Saturday great. No matter what she would say, he just couldn't face it yet.

"Yeah, um, Lindsey just needed the house to herself for a while and it's good to be here." he only told half truth and was relieved his niece returned from the quest before the conversation could go on.

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_-Two days later-_

At 9 am on Monday morning Neil pulled over by Peyton's to pick her up. Peyton smiled at how everyone had thought their 9 o'clock meeting would have been a date at 9 pm. For some weird reason even Brooke, who clearly had heard the end of the phone call, had tried to be so discreet about 'the date' that she had not had any good situations for righting their assumptions. The truth was that they had simply decided to be ecological and drive the Wilmington - Tree Hill - Wilmington route together in one car whenever that was possible. Today was Neil's first day living in Wilmington and working in Tree Hill and neither of them had anything special that would have required two cars.

"Hi! There has been a slight change of plans." Peyton greeted and informed Neil, who was about to start the car, but put the brakes back on as he heard her. "You can still go.." Peyton laughed, "but Brooke has Ellen's doctor's appointment and Julian has work so I promised to take Brandon to work with me. I hope it's okay for you that we'd pick him up, when we get to Tree Hill?"

"If me not having a car seat for him is not a problem, then yeah, sure, it's fine.." Neil turned his head quickly to see if his backseat was full of stuff. It wasn't.

"Nah, they have one we can use. My car is still lacking car seats, too."

Neil laughed at her, "You know Sawyer, sometimes you sound like such a mom when you speak that it's almost hard to believe your friends' kids aren't actually yours."

Peyton smiled at the thought "Neil, you if anyone should know that they're not mine. But I don't think I could love a kid any more than I love them even if it was my own."

They were a little uncomfortable quiet for a while until Peyton picked up a new trivial topic to talk about. The ride continued in the same chatting and banter of quite irrelevant matters until they arrived to Tree Hill and Peyton had to give Neil instructions of getting to Brooke and Julian's. He followed orders, but was clearly deep in his thoughts at the same time.

They could almost see Brandon and Julian waiting just outside Brooke and Julian's house, when Neil finally talked again. "Peyton, that kid you left me and the tour for 5 years ago.. Was it Brandon?"

He pulled over by the Baker boys as Peyton answered. "No that was Lydia. He's only four."

They rose out of the car and Brandon literally jumped into Peyton's arms as soon as she was standing. "Hey B-Rock, my man! What ever shall we do today?"

"We're gonna rock!" Brandon raised his hand up in the air like a rock star on stage. "Look, mama even bought me black rock star boots!"

"Hi Peyton, thanks for this! Here's the car seat, do you know how to install it? I should pick up Lucas and Jamie in 10 minutes from Nathan and Haleys. We have a full day of casting." Julian butted in.

"Yeah, no problem. Me and that seat are somewhat accustomed to each other. Besides, I can just boss Neil here. He can be a gentleman and put it on.." Peyton laughed and tickled Brandon. "Shush, go Julian, we'll be fine.."

Julian kissed his son good bye and was about to turn around and be on his way, but all of a sudden it hit him that there was a man with Peyton. He turned around and sized him up. "So you're the hot Neil. I'm Julian, nice to meet you. Sorry I can't really stay to hang out more, but thanks for this, bye!" And before Neil could even shake his hand Julian was gone.

"The hot Neil? If you're still into me Sawyer, you know you can just tell me." Neil chuckled. Peyton blushed and patted his arm as Neil took the car seat from the ground. "And anyway, where do you find all these weird friends? Brooke was quite a case and I must say he was, too."

"I'd say he's like that because of Brooke. When he dated me, he was the stable one and I was more like that. Being married to Brooke has definitely brought out new sides from him."

Brandon's little mouth and eyes all went to o-shape as he realized what his aunt had just said "Aunt P, did You date daddy?"

"B-Rock, you sound like Lydia now.. I did, but it was a very long time ago, long before he met your mama." Neil was done with the car seat and so Peyton started to b

Brandon thought a while and then nodded seemingly satisfied by her answer. "Okay, but aunt P, can we play Foo Fighters, though he's here?"

Peyton laughed, "I don't know.. Neil, would you happen to have any Foo Fighters CDs here in the car?"

Neil started the car. "Sorry, buddy. I'm afraid not."

"Aunt P, next time you pick me up, can you please come with the Comet. He's not very cool." Brandon pouted. It sounded so comical that both of the adults couldn't help but laugh. Peyton mouthed 'sorry' to Neil and was so thankful he was still cool enough to not be offended by her godson's remark even if he wasn't cool enough to keep any Foo Fighters albums in the car.

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**A/N:** What do you think? Please keep me writing this story by reviewing. I'd love to hear any wishes, ideas or thoughts you have, also if you don't like something or wish I'd do things differently. I take it all into consideration, when writing. Even if I disagree and don't write it as you wanted. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and can't wait to hear your thoughts!


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you **lukenpeyton4ever, cayt326, jamyj30, rachel, LukePeyTLA, mahsa, bendecida82, M'sOTPisLP, Lexie-Rae and Ace5492** for your wonderful reviews once again! They were golden in shaping this chapters to what it became. It seems like maybe the hints about Peyton and Neil's history weren't very easily picked up from the last chapter, but no worries, this one introduces the story to from a new perspective so hopefully it doesn't feel confusing.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it inspired by your amazing reviews..

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_-Later the same day-_

Julian's new movie's preproduction was going full speed around them. This was the last day of casting and they were in a hurry to start shooting soon. It was once again a movie based on Lucas's book so he was there as a producer and writer. It was a deal they had had since working on Ravens, which fell through and was never actually shot. Julian had directed Lucas's second published book a few years back and it had become such a hit it had even won a Golden Globe.

Lucas had started writing again after Lydia was born and Peyton came back. It was a story based on Mia's music, even named after her song Who You Are Without Me. A lonely High School student Audrey Maples, who is very touched by a stunning local celebrity, who made art out of her job at a small town radio station and local theater. The girl loses herself in the profound affection to this woman whose biggest fan she is and then uses music to find herself. She works to tell her story to the woman who changed her life and everyone else, too, by writing a song, the song the book was named after.

It was an enormous success. It did not have a romance like Ravens did, but it was at least as powerful love story and it reached even wider audience than the story of him and Peyton. It ended up being about Peyton, too, the loval celebrity saw in many ways as stunning as Peyton was when she returned to North Carolina and got involved with Lydia Scott. The references to her were just so well hidden they could easily be denied, if someone picked them up. The big theme of the power of music obviously was very Peyton-inspired, too.

In midst of the success Lucas got an idea of turning Who You Are Without Me into a trilogy and continue exploring the different sides of fame and fandom in two more books. Mia's songs were perfect at structuring the story in his mind and so the second book of the trilogy, Forever and Almost Always once again had a narrative that was more or less a fictionalized version of the title song's songwriting process. In that Audrey from the first book got her own huge fan and it seemed much like her own story that she was in a cross fire of how to react to such an affection. Once again critiques and fans thanked Lucas for such a surprising view point into love and how it sometimes hurts. And now Julian was turning the story into a movie. They just needed to finalize decisions on the new fan's actress and that was what this day was all about.

Julian's dad, being the executive producer of the film, was seated on the first chair behind the table, Julian was the director and sat next to him and Lucas next to Julian. Jamie had gotten into filmmaking, when Julian had started directing and had ever since gotten to tag along to any of Julian's projects. So he sat next to Lucas feeling very important getting to be casting with his uncles. On Jamie's other side was still Chase, who represented Mia in everything that did not relate to sound. Julian had given her a chance to supervise sound and music to the film, but she still wanted to do other work, too, and so Chase sat in for his wife in many occasions.

They had a little time before people started coming in and so Lucas couldn't help but take the opportunity and talk with Chase about something that had been bothering him.

"Chase, you know Mia's manager, right?" why beat around the bushes when you can go straight to the topic.

"Who? Neil? Yeah, of course I know him, he was her tour manager at the time we met so I've spent plenty of time with him over the years."

"So, you'd say he's a good guy?" Lucas challenged.

"Yeah, Neil's great.. How come?"

"I think he's going out on a date with Peyton tonight." Lucas told very reserved.

"Really, they're only now going out on a date? They looked like an already established couple to me, when they picked up Brandon in his car this morning."

"They, what?" Lucas sounded so worried it could have been his daughter or wife, rather than ex-girlfriend, they were talking about.

Everyone knew Lucas had heard Julian right, so they ignored him and Chase answered straight to Julian. "What, you didn't know? I would have thought Brooke would fill you in on everything.." he seemed puzzled and the two Peyton's ex-boyfriends followed him even more puzzled. "Wow! So, Brooke didn't know.. Woow!"

"What didn't aunt Brooke know?" Jamie butted in voicing both of his uncles' thoughts impatiently.

"They probably looked like an established couple, because they used to be one."

Lucas's head was spinning. Of course Peyton hadn't just stayed hung up on him all these years. But never having been introduced to any of her boyfriends he had liked to not think there were any. With hands trembling of very uncalled for jealousy he grabbed his glass of water, hoping it would cool him down. Jamie placed his hand on his uncle's back for support.

Since the rest of them just stared at Chase waiting for explanations he continued on his own "When I met Mia she spent most of her time on tour with Peyton and Neil both handling their other business from the road and together taking care of Mia's tour. We never really talked about it, so I don't know the whole story, but considering our accommodation arrangements it's pretty obvious they were together in more than just business arrangements."

"And what about then? Do you know what happened afterwards?" Lucas asked with clearly shaky voice. He was very happy he was in the middle of a bunch of guys who weren't the very closest friends of his. Had Haley, Brooke or Nathan been there with him, he would have had to explain himself and start talking about his feelings.

"As I said, I've never talked about it. But I haven't seen them like that since Peyton left the tour and came back here after Lydia was born. But I guess now that Neil's here, too. Maybe the old flame has lit up again."

"Good for them, they looked pretty good together and at least Brooke seems to approve.." Julian smiled as the first actresses walked to the audition and they had to turn their attention to business.

* * *

_-Wednesday noon, two days later-_

Peyton was pulling her hair and bored out of her mind listening to demos that pretty much all sucked. So when Neil walked into her office insisting on taking her out for lunch, she happily accepted the offer. They decided on a small diner by main street. It had a nice patio for gorgeous days like this one.

"Do you have any contacts to the literature publishing world from licensing Mia's music to that idiot's trilogy?" Neil asked as soon as their food was served.

Peyton gave him an unappreciative glare. "First of all, you should not call Lucas an idiot. He's my friend and he's an extremely talented author who is responsible for making both of our biggest artist as insanely popular as Mia now is." Neil rolled his eyes at her, but Peyton ignored him. "But yes, I guess it depends on what you're after, but I know Lindsey Scott, who edits the Who You Are Without Me trilogy and she has a lot more contacts if she's not what you're looking for."

"First of all," Neil mocked before really heating up about what he had to say "you can't blame me for hating that tool. He broke your heart and stomped on it and made me just a rebound guy. No matter how talented he may be, he can't be anything but an idiot to screw you over like he did. And he certainly doesn't deserve to be your friend!"

Peyton opened her mouth to answer to his accusations, but he continued without giving her a chance for that "And if Lindsey Scott is the same Lindsey that married the idiot and made your life a living hell, I don't want to have anything to do with him."

Peyton took a few deep breaths. Why did the people in her life have to be so damn passionate? She had thought to fire back and tell Neil to mind his own business, but it looked like her stupid past was preventing him from even that own business, so she needed a different plan.

"Alright, let's calm down and why don't you tell me, what you need literature publishing for.."

Neil had to take a minute to calm down as she had ordered, "I have this artist, who's looking for a more 360-approach to his new album and one of our brainstorming ideas was to tie the songs with literature somehow. Like teaming up with an up-coming author and writing together so that the novel and the songs of the album go hand-in-hand somehow."

Peyton smiled, that was actually a really interesting idea. After Lucas and Mia's success the whole music and literature union had become a lot more popular, and she thought that at best Neil's idea could be brilliant.

"That really sounds like something Lindsey would be great at. I'll tell you what, how 'bout I'll take it to her and if she suggests someone else, I'll give you the details? That way you can use my contacts, but don't have to worry about dealing with Lindsey."

"You'd really do that? Why would you do that?" This woman was made of pure gold. In all honesty she should be the one angry at the Scott idiots and yet she offered her help like that. Neil couldn't help but wonder where such strength and grace could come from.

"Of course I would." Peyton smiled and gently placed her hand on his arm. "You know, the other day you were wondering how I could get such a cool office for free."

Neil had no idea how this had to do with that, but he nodded, because of course he remembered.

"I had failed pretty bad in L.A. and I was down and insecure when I moved back. I told you how we had quite bad fights with Lucas when I came back, but I don't think I ever told you what he said to me when he gave me the office."

It was definitely good that they were sitting, because had they not, Neil might have fallen because of the surprise of hearing that it was Lucas who gave her the office. "You don't really mean that Lucas gave you the office.. He wouldn't and you definitely shouldn't.." He talked quietly enough for such strong words. That was definitely good, because Peyton probably would not have taken it as well had he used even a little bit louder voice.

"Yes. Despite everything, Lucas believed in me. He took me to Tric and showed me the space and he said to me that even if I couldn't change the world from Los Angeles, I could do it from Tree Hill. And let me finish before you say anything," Peyton raised her finger as warning "There's two points to me telling the story to you: first, you have only heard the pain and heartache Lucas caused me. But it's been seven years and although it's been hard to talk about the good stuff, there has been plenty of those, too. So I'm sorry if I've ruined him for you. And second, is the answer to your question as of why. Well I think your idea is a great one to venture and I still believe that art, music and literature have the power to save the world a little bit, so why wouldn't I support great ideas that might just empower those possibilities."

Neil tucked a strand of her hair behind her hair and smiled a thank you to her.

* * *

After the lunch Peyton got back to the frustrating demos, but since the quality had not improved she decided to get on with Neil's project and visit Lindsey. Taking into account that Lucas had said Lindsey need the house for herself, when they had talked on Saturday and that Julian had still mentioned picking up Jamie and Lucas from Nathan and Haley's on Monday, she assumed that Lindsey could quite easily be found at their home.

Lucas's car was parked outside so Peyton congratulated herself for calculating right that things would have gone back to normal and it was alright for her to visit the Scott residence for business even if it was unannounced.

Peyton knocked on the front door and heard Lucas yell "It's open, come in!" She opened the door and stepped into the house where she had spent a lot of time in High School, but not that much since then. It looked empty somehow. The living room walls looked somewhat naked, like they were missing something. There were a couple of empty picture frames on top of the drawer and mostly the photos Peyton could spot were of Jamie, Lily or Lydia.

Lucas was writing so vigorously that he did not bother to check out who it was at the door. In Angel, the final part of the trilogy, Audrey, the main character from the earlier books, had to fight her final battles with loneliness. She was a stunning rock star, who was admired and adored and talked about, but she had developed serious trust issues. Touring with one of her favorite artists Audrey refused to become friends with someone she's fan of, although in reality she was also one of their favorite artists. The tour finally breaks down her walls and sets her free from the curse of loneliness.

Thematically the fight of drilling through trust issues of a stunning rock star reminded Lucas of him and Peyton in High School. It felt really therapeutic to write about it. It was especially amazing when his own life was such a mess right now and in his dreams the easy way out was to go back in time and not screw up so bad with Peyton. He tried to reason to himself that Peyton wasn't the answer to his problems, but that he had to get his act together first, before even having a right to think about Peyton. It was just so damn hard not to think about Peyton. Especially in midst of all the "hot Neil jealousy".

"Hey Luke, is Lindsey here?" Peyton interrupted Lucas's writing.

His heart felt to jump out of his body. He had just been thinking of Peyton and there she was. Then it hit him that she was asking for Lindsey. She was asking for Lindsey and it was time she told her what was going on. Lucas bit his lip as he turned closed his laptop for the confession.

"I, um, I didn't tell you the whole truth on Saturday." He was so scared of her reaction it physically hurt to admit what was going on. "Lindsey did need the house to herself, but it was because she was packing her things. She moved out yesterday."

Peyton just stared at him. So he specified, "We are separated, we will get a divorce."

"I'm so sorry, Luke." was all Peyton could say. She just kept looking at him, hoping their often well working non-verbal connection would get through all the rest of what she wanted to say to him.

Maybe it did not go through at least fully, because Lucas seemed to be waiting for something more, in fact, he looked like the waiting was happening on death row. "W-what are you thinking?"

Peyton kept still quiet for a moment. "I'm just surprised I guess. I thought everything was fine, I didn't suspect anything.."

Lucas sighed and nodded. "It hasn't been good for years. Maybe ever. But it felt so embarrassing that we hid it and pretended everything was fine."

"Must have been hard on you. Pretending is never easy." Peyton was the first seem that understanding, especially so soon.

Lucas just nodded and turned his head down.

"Luke, I know we are not the friends we used to be, and I haven't been there for you much. It's just I knew we both were clear that it was all over between us and whatever once happened happened a long time ago, like we agreed in that gym before you got married. But I was afraid Lindsey would still unnecessarily feel threatened and so I stayed out."

Lucas swallowed hard and Peyton continued. "But I hope you know that I'm still your friend and I'm here for you, if you need someone to talk to or anything."

Lucas's smile to her was appreciative but broken. "Peyt, can I ask you something?" he asked carefully.

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you happy?"

The question took her by surprise. She had not expected a question about her well being, especially when he was so broken himself. She thought about her life and couldn't help but smile going through all the amazing things in it. "Yeah, I'm very happy. How come?"

"I just.. I've been writing a lot. And in the final part of the trilogy Audrey somehow reminds me of you in High School. It's all coming to an end and I just want her to have the happy ending she deserves." Peyton blushed at his words. "It's got me to think of you and how you are. Sometimes it feels like you've had to sacrifice a lot in your life. And I find it so amazing and inspiring how you've still kept going. How gracious you have been in the face of everything. How amazing you are with the kids and with all of us."

Peyton smiled almost shyly. Appreciation and admiration from Lucas had always had a special effect on her. It always felt so true and good.

"Yeah, maybe I have sacrificed a lot. But I have also gotten so much. I have both an amazing family and an inspiring job. Maybe, if I hadn't made those sacrifices, I would not have gotten quite this much after all."

Lucas looked at her with such admiration, like she was the most incredible thing in the world that she felt the need to set things more realistic. "But trust me, I'm not that amazing. I have my moments. And all the grace I have I have gotten for being so much loved. Maybe Audrey could learn that the more she opens to love and loving the more she heals and the fuller and more meaningful her life gets and the more grace she has for also facing the tough stuff."

Lucas listened to her intently and when she had said it all, they locked their eyes and there it was, that connection she had hoped to find, when she first heard of his break-up, and he had dreamed of in midst of suffering from not having a connection with Lindsey. It was healing and carried so much meaning that if they had connected the feeling to what Peyton had just talked about, they would have known it was nothing but love.

"By the way, what did you come here for? You said you needed to see Lindsey." Lucas was afraid that if he did not continue the talk somehow, she'd decide to leave. It felt so nice to get to really talk with her that he didn't want her to go yet.

"Oh, Neil has this artist, who would like to write with an author his next record together with an author writing a novel. I promised I'd ask Lindsey if she had any ideas." Peyton then realized that the situation with Lucas and Lindsey would complicate it and added quietly, "I guess the timing kind of sucks.."

The mention of Neil had once again brought Lucas back to the jealousy so much that he did not follow through to Peyton's thoughts of whether to still contact Lindsey or not. He had seen Peyton holding hands over table of LizArt Diner's patio. They had looked... Connected. He once again realized that it was unacceptable of him to get jealous since she hadn't been his in a long time and he had been married for years. He just couldn't help it. And so this time he did not only think about it, but actually slapped himself in the face.

It actually helped a little bit, because it forced him back to present afraid from the terrible images.

"I heard the Hot Neil has now moved here. Must be nice to have him around so much, now." Lucas also forced himself to try and carry on a normal discussion about Neil. He needed to learn to talk with Peyton about things that mattered to her, again. This was an efficient punishment for the jealousy, and well, to all the previous screw-ups, too.

"Yeah, it's been great. It's also great that he lives so near me and works so near Red Bedroom, so that we can drive together most of the days. I've only now realized how awesome it is to not have to drive alone as much as I have been."

"Good, you deserve it." he replied a lot more quietly than he had started the topic of Neil. Lucas came up with a bunch of new hurting images with every sentence she said. Maybe it was bravery to the point of stupid of him starting to talk about Neil like that. He still had a long way to go.

* * *

**A/N:** So first proper Leyton interaction is now experienced. I'd love to hear your thoughts about well everything that's going on.. I'm seriously taking up Mahsa's idea of making a companion piece from the kids perspective of what's going on in the story. I think it would be interesting, but I'm not sure if I'm up for such a challenge.. We'll see.. Anyway, I look forward to your feedback and what happens next!


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Hi from Carolinas! I'm sorry it has taken me this long to update! It was a crazy week before I left with packing and sorting everything out and to be honest, I love it here so much that I spend most of my time outside and use the computer only for work. So my writing time is limited to early mornings or late nights. But that also means that I'm not going to stop writing completely even though I'm here. So Next chapter should be up in much less than a month.

Anyway, thanks for your reviews for the last chapter, here's a new one. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

It was always great to have Haley James Scott in the Red Bedroom studio. Peyton loved her new artists, but nothing beat being in the studio with an old great friend like Haley.

Days like this, though, when they were just at the beginning of the studio routines and had not yet had a lot of alone time, there were also slight disadvantages to working with a friend. Peyton was setting up microphones and while waiting Haley was trying some new melodies on the piano, but they were both stalling a little just to have a bit more laid back one-on-one time together.

It was nice to talk freely without the distraction of little ears or husband/almost-brother -type's snarky comments. It wasn't exactly girl-talk just light conversation about Lydia's brand new interest in ballet. The girl had definitely come up with that one on her own. It was quite amusingly far from Peyton's rock music, Nathan's basketball, Jamie's baseball or Haley's books.

"Are you going to do something about this new interest?" Peyton asked and adjusted the piano microphone.

"Well I think last week she wanted to play in the NBA, so I think I'll first wait and see how long she sticks to this." Haley laughed.

Peyton joined in and was about to tell that they were set to start, when Brooke marched in and she was clearly extremely pissed.

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer!" She yelled already from the office and then stomped into the studio "How could you keep this from me? We are not best friends anymore."

Peyton and Haley looked at her mouths open, trying to figure out what she was on about. Haley was about to voice the question, but Brooke quieted her by just lifting her finger. "And Haley James Scott, you better not have known anything or I'll disown you, too."

"What have I done now, Brooke?" Peyton asked sounding mostly worried, but a little bit amused, too.

"Julian told me that you and hot Neil were together. Peyton, I was supposed to be your Best Friend. Why would you not tell me something that amazing?" Brooke no longer sounded angry, just hurt, disappointed and pleading.

"As in, you dated sometime or you're dating now?" Haley joined Brooke.

"I'm sorry. I know I maybe should have told something, but.." Peyton took a moment to gather her thoughts. It had been so long ago, she hadn't been expecting an interrogation like this. "Well, we basically spent two years on the road together. This life and that life were so far apart, that it didn't come up naturally."

Brooke chuckled, "Didn't come up naturally? Peyton, we still talked on the phone and emailed a lot. Would have taken less than ten words: ps. I'm going out this hot guy.." Peyton and Haley laughed a little, too, when Brooke counted the words with her fingers.

"I know," Peyton sighed. "It's just, we were friends and we had fun. Then the fun turned to a sort of a relationship. But it wasn't anything serious, more like an exclusive friends with benefits arrangement?"

Her friends stared at her trying to figure out what everything meant. She had been committed to Nathan when he was an ass. She would have married a teenage father at age of 17. She had sworn to love Lucas forever and even with Julian they had been building a life and a home together. Her description of the relationship with Neil did not sound like Peyton Sawyer.

"I don't like admitting it, but you're my best friends, so I'm just gonna say it. I was a mess when Lucas married Lindsey. Neil was a great friend. He was there for me and he got me to laugh. Then it got complicated, when I let the fun escalate. It was selfish and stupid, but I just needed that." Peyton's voice broke a little.

"How did it all end?" Haley asked carefully and squeezed her hand.

"It has ended, right?" Brooke blurted, relieving the heavy atmosphere a little bit.

Peyton rolled her eyes and smiled. "Yes, it ended, when Lydia was born. Neil suggested that we'd make our relationship more real and I'd move in with him in New York. But I never planned it to get that serious and so I said that I wanted to be there for Lydia and was going to go back to North Carolina. We stayed friends - well, colleagues - but we haven't been in touch more than for Mia's career over the years."

They were all quiet for a while, until Brooke directed the discussion to the inevitable next part. "And now?"

"And now we're friends and colleagues. And we have fun together, again. It hasn't escalated. But if I think about it and I'm honest about it, it is complicated again." Peyton sighed.

"Do you like him?" Haley asked.

Afraid of her own answer Peyton fixed her eyes to her shoes. She also knew that anything but the whole truth could turn out very harmful in the end.

"He's funny and smart and good looking - all in all an AMAZING guy. So yes, I like him. I always have. But I'm still not sure it is the same as falling in love with him."

Brooke smiled "You know what I've always said. You.."

"..can't help who you love." all three recited with smiles on their faces. Brooke had said the same many times over the years.

"But.. Your best friend certainly wouldn't mind if you tried loving Hot Neil." Brooke added dreamily and got her friends burst to laugh. Even after all these years Brooke was still just so... Brooke.

Peyton just looked at her for a moment. The smile on her face shone in her eyes and filled the whole face. It was real, loving and adoring.

"What?" Brooke couldn't understand it.

"So we're still best friends?"

"Of course, you're stuck with me ." Brooke pulled her into a quick hug. But as she released her best friend from it she raised her index finger warningly. "But don't you ever do it again!"

* * *

"Uncle Lucas, can we play Foo Fighters in your car?" Brandon leaned forward as much as he could being buckled up in the back seat of Lucas's car.

Julian had given Brooke some child-free time. But not long after she was gone, he had gotten a phone call and found out there was a production emergency that needed to be solved right away.

Since it was of Lucas's best interest, too, to send Julian to solve the problem, he was now driving with the Baker kids. It was the kids' nap time and Julian had told they usually slept best, when they were driving. Lucas was friends with Brooke and Julian, but they weren't very close and he had never been alone with their kids. It was a little weird situation. But then again, his life was full of weird right now, so he chose to just embrace all the weirdness and see if where it would take him.

Lucas laughed at the little boy's question. "You are so Peyton's godson.. I think I might, Brandon." He got _Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace_ to his hands and put it to play.

"Hmm, _Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace_. Good call!" the little boy on the backseat commented as the first notes hit the air. "Put _Home_. It's our favorite."

Lucas pinched himself in the arm just to make sure he was awake, because it felt so hard to believe that a kid so young could speak like that about music. He had liked music, too, but he could not remember knowing which songs belong to which albums at age of four.

However, on some of the late night phone calls in the beginning of Peyton's internship in LA they had talked about what their kids would be like and agreed that they'd certainly know music better than any other child. Lucas couldn't help but go back to those phone calls as he flipped through the songs to _Home_.

"Who's we? Who else's favorite song is this?" Lucas asked.

"Me and aunt P. But I think Ellen likes good music, too." Brandon answered.

Of course it had to do with Peyton. "So, do you listen to this song with Aunt Peyton, too?"

Lucas could see through the mirror how Brandon's face lit up to a huge smile. "Yeah, Aunt P plays this song when I'm sad or afraid, or just missing mama. Then she holds me really tight and sings to me. She said that whenever I listen to it I can remember that it's okay to be sad sometimes, but I don't have to be. Because mama and daddy and Aunt P always would want to just be home with me."

Lucas could see the moment in his mind. It sounded so Peyton. He still remembered her telling him how Anna had soothed her with music when she was little so it made sense she would do the same to the kids she loved.

"Did you know that Aunt P dated daddy?" the boy changed subject. He was fighting sleep. It was clearly one of those Home -moments, when he'd have liked to be cuddled up with his Aunt P listening to the song.

"I heard about it, Brandon, but you don't have to worry about it. Your daddy is with your mommy now and they always will be."

"I know. But who will be always with Aunt P?" Brandon asked worriedly.

This sounded like too important a conversation to have through a mirror and so Lucas pulled over and turned to look at Brandon. Lucas considered his answer carefully. Actually, he was with the boy in asking that question, but as an adult he had to provide an answer and he just hoped he could come up with an answer that would satisfy himself as well.

"You know, your Aunt Peyton is a very special woman?" Brandon nodded. "She's so special that most men aren't good enough to get to be with her always. Maybe someone good enough hasn't found her yet. But it's okay, because she has all of us who will always love her so she shouldn't settle for someone who isn't as good for her as your daddy is for your mommy."

"Yeah, it's okay. I'll always be with aunt P." Brandon nodded. He clearly got peace in the topic and let the tiredness kick in more. "But, when I have to go home to mommy and daddy, can you help me protect Aunt P?"

Lucas chuckled at the little boy that was growing on him more and more now that it was just the two of them. "Yeah, I'll help you with that."

Brandon's eyes were already closed when he mumbled "Good. Cause that Neil, who was driving with Aunt P wasn't very cool."

Lucas was thankful that the boy fell asleep right then and he did not have to answer that. In all honesty he did not like it at all that "that Neil" was driving with Aunt P or in anyway as close with her as he obviously was. There was a time when he was the one driving with Peyton and even if it was his fault he wasn't anymore, he still couldn't help but wish he was. But he had promised himself that he would not act on his jealousy and make Peyton's life worse because of it. And so he tried to force himself to hope Peyton happiness with even hot Neil. He meant it when he said Peyton deserved the very best and if it meant swallowing his own pride and letting hot Neil be the very best for her, then he just had to live with it.

* * *

Peyton was going through the CD collections of Neil's car. Neil was driving them back to Wilmington and had been sweet enough to let her pick the music.

"You really don't have any Foo Fighters' albums here?" Peyton asked her head almost fully in the glove compartment.

"No, I don't," Neil laughed. "And that boy was kinda harsh about it on Monday."

"That boy's name is Brandon, and he can't help it if he's special. He's the son of Brooke Davis and godson of Peyton Sawyer. It's a given." Peyton chose Mia's album and put it to the player. "I'm sorry, though."

Neil chuckled lightly. "Nah, no worries. As a manager of several bands, I can't really be mad at a kid for liking music. Might turn out bad for business."

They were quiet for a few songs until Neil decided to speak up and ask what he had been wondering for a few days now. "At the risk that this will be very humiliating and make things awkward, Peyton, I gotta ask you something."

"Yeah, sure, anything." she squeezed his hand lightly.

"You know how we broke up five years ago, when you chose living here by the kid over living with me in New York." Peyton had to nod. Of course she knew. "I know it's been five years, but where do we stand now?"

Peyton had had a feeling that this would be coming, but she was still having trouble collecting her thoughts to form an answer. So Neil continued "I'm here now, so it wouldn't have to be me or them. I've really enjoyed spending time with you this week. We've had a lot of fun."

Peyton smiled. "Yeah, we have. And you know I still care about you.. A lot. I'm just not sure if it's as a friend or a boyfriend." She noticed a little disappointed look on his face and hurried to continue. "Look, I'm just being honest, cause I don't want to lead you on."

Neil stopped in front of Peyton's house and turned to look at her. He really appreciated her honesty. "I get that. Thank you for it. But how 'bout we try and see where we stand?"

Peyton opened her mouth, but Neil raised his finger to show he wasn't done yet. "One week - three dates. We'll try going out with each other properly and if at the end of the week it seems we're better off as friends then that's all we'll be. What do you say? Will you be my girlfriend for a trial week?"

Peyton let out a giggle, but silenced it a little embarrassed as soon as she realized it. "Okay," she smiled at him "I would love to."

* * *

**A/N:** Here we are. What'd you think? As always your thoughts, comments and ideas are vital for the next chapter :)


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Hi! Thanks for not abandoning the story even ifit took annoyingly long for me to update the last chapter. To make up for it, here's the next one. It's a little different from others so far, because I loved Libby's idea of having some Brooke/Brandon time. I had tons of fun writing this chapter, so I hope you'll enjoy it too!

Oh, and a special thank you to **Libby, LukePeyTLA, O'MiaLove, OTHGirl24 and Anberlin** for your reviews that got me back on track with this story. I'm going to a plantation near Charleston tomorrow, so I won't be able to update before Friday. Hopefully I'll have another chapter for you by early weekend, though.

* * *

"Uncle Lucas is the coolest!" Brandon recalled his day to his mom. He was a little hyper and it was quite a challenge for Brooke to get him to his PJs while the boy was jumping up and down and telling stories from his day. "We went to the park and he played with me in the sandbox just like Aunt P always does. And he had Foo Fighters in the car and we talked about aunt P.."

Brandon hopped onto his bed and Brooke sat down by him to tuck him in. She had a huge smile on her face. It was enchanting to watch her perfect little boy being so happy and excited. She had been a mother for four years now, but it still felt unreal that such a happy, lively and beautiful boy could be born of someone like her. She had had such a miserable childhood - at least when it came to parental love. Even loving Julian still felt quite new and miraculous to her.

Then it hit her that Brandon had said he had talked with Lucas about Peyton. That did not sound good. As a matter of fact, it sounded really worrying. "Wait, you talked about Aunt P with Lucas?"

"That's what I just said, mama." Brandon replied a little frustrated.

"What did you talk about?"

"That Aunt P likes home and Aunt P used to date daddy, but now daddy will always be with you. But Aunt P don't have anyone like that, 'cause Aunt P's special. But it's okay 'cause we're here. And then uncle Lucas promised to help me protect her, when I gotta go home with you and daddy and Ellen." Brandon explained innocently.

Brooke sighed, but before she got to commenting anything, Julian came in with a phone in his hand.

"Brooke, it's you BFF saying she needs to talk to you or you'll disown her." Julian explained rather confused and handed the phone to his wife. "Ellen's asleep so I can take over here."

"Hey buddy, I gotta take that phone call, but daddy will be here with you, okay? I'm glad you had a good day with Uncle Lucas." Brooke kissed Brandon and left the room with the phone.

"Good job . I'm glad to hear you've learned from past mistakes and picked up the phone if there was something to tell me." the smirk on Brooke's face was audible in her voice all the way to Peyton. "What's up, P?"

"Oh well, I guess we can just jump straight into the real topic." Peyton laughed. She loved that Brooke was so blunt and to the point. It was so Brooke and Peyton wouldn't have her any other way. "We're decided to have a week's trial relationship with Neil."

"Oh, hot Neil! My favorite topic.." Brooke squealed "What's a trial relationship, though?"

"Well you know how I said that we're maybe still a little complicated..? This is our way to uncomplicate everything. We agreed on one week and three dates of trying a real girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, so we can see where we stand when it comes to our feelings and when the week is over we'll talk about us and either continue the relationship as something serious and non-trial or we can back out and without special awkwardness revert back to friends never mentioning it again." Peyton explained.

"Hmm, that sounds interesting. How do you feel about it now?" Brooke sat down on their living room couch and leaned back on it.

"I don't know, I feel surprisingly good about it. I'd love to fall in love with Neil. I'm just not sure if it works that way. I mean Julian is the last guy I fell in love with and even that was almost ten years ago. What if I'm just not capable of love anymore? Are my expectations of having it all like you and Haley do just unrealistic? Should I just settle for whatever I can get?" Peyton had started out really calm and composed, but soon she found herself rambling about all the underlying anxieties.

"Peyton, I don't believe for a second that you wouldn't be capable of love anymore. You may have channeled your love to non-romantic and given it to friendships and the kids. But anyone of us, who have gotten to be in your life can say that being loved by Peyton Sawyer is one of the greatest things one can experience. When you channel some of that love to the right romance, it will be amazing."

"I hope you're right." Peyton whispered to the phone. Brooke could hear her words had made Peyton to cry a little.

"I know I am." Brooke smiled to the phone. "But I think this trial relationship can be a great thing for you. It was hard for me to fall in love with Julian after all the pain Lucas had put me through. But I just needed some time and it turned out greater than I could imagine. Maybe Neil is your Julian. I think it's great you're giving each other a fair try."

"I can't really see it right now, but I so hope you're right." Peyton smiled back. "But, Brooke, I need something from you when it comes to this."

"Anything."

"I need you to keep everyone grounded about me dating Neil. To give us a real trial, I'm gonna have Neil with me at least at the Saturday barbeque at Nathan and Haley's. But it's tough to balance high enough profile for real try and low enough profile to not mess up the possible reverting back to friends a week from now." Brooke got what she meant, but considering she was the biggest Peil fan out there, it felt quite absurd that she was appointed to slow the expectations down among the friends.

"You're my best friend, Brooke, and you know me better than anyone. So I need you to have my back on this one." Peyton pleaded answering to Brooke's silent wondering.

"Of course P. I support you in this. So, you do what you need to and I got your back."

* * *

The next morning Brooke was in a hurricane mode. Luckily Julian had the morning off, so she could leave Brandon with him. But after having hurried all regular morning routines Brooke and Ellen drove to Lucas and Lindsey's. She had some serious business to conduct with Lucas.

Lucas's car was parked outside and since the door to their bedroom wasn't locked Brooke just marched in with Ellen in her arms.

"Oh, you have a lot of nerve, Lucas Eugene Scott!" she let out as soon as she stepped inside and saw him sitting by his desk and writing.

Lucas looked at her intimidated. Even with a cute baby in her arms, she could be extremely scary. "Hi Brooke. What is it?"

"You talked about Peyton with Brandon! It's like we're back in flippin' high school again. She is not yours to protect anymore!" Brooke raised her voice. She surely would have shouted, but Ellen did not need to hear her mother like that, so she used just enough force to scare Lucas, but keep her daughter calm. "And if you let my son on with your little talk with him, I swear to god.."

"Brooke, I'm sorry. He was tired and about to fall asleep, but he was worried about his godmother and we talked so he could calm down enough to fall asleep. I had no special agenda." Lucas raised his hands to the air in hopes of calming her down by surrendering.

"Okay, but I don't want my son to fall under the Leyton spell, so you better be careful with him" Brooke said sternly, but a little nicer than before. "And Neil and Peyton don't need ghosts of Leyton hanging over their relationship, either. So if you want to live, I suggest you stay away from them just in case. Because if you mess with them, you'll answer to me!"

"Oh, here we go. I was getting worried we'd actually get to have a conversation that did not involve 'hot Neil' somehow. But no, I worried for nothing. Life's still in its normal course and the world revolves around Neil." Lucas turned to sarcasm in the face of not knowing how to react to Brooke's worries and threats otherwise.

Brooke was quiet for a moment. She was trying to make sense of him. There was something worrying about him that she had felt already when she decided to pay him a visit, but now at the mention of Neil it became so evident she knew she should be able to grasp what was going on.

"You are jealous!" she almost screamed, when all of a sudden the feeling in her stomach and Lucas's behavior, all made sense. She was absolutely right to come here and yell at him. Lucas sighed trying to find something to say. "Don't even try to deny it. You so are jealous of Neil.."

"Well the guy comes here and all of a sudden everything revolves around him. It's like everyone's under the 'hot Neil spell' and nothing's like it used to be." Lucas defended causing Brooke to smile amused. "What?"

"That just sounds like someone I dated a lifetime ago in High school. This guy entered varsity basketball team and all of a sudden everyone was talking about him, two very unfortunate girls fell under his spell and my friend Nathan, who used to be the star of the team had to forever share his place in the sun with the new guy."

"This isn't high school, Brooke." Lucas rolled his eyes.

"No it isn't. So stay the hell away from Peyton!" Brooke ordered. "Besides, Luke, you are married to Lindsey."

"So you haven't heard yet?" Lucas asked. News traveled so fast in small towns like Tree Hill that it felt unreal Brooke wouldn't have gotten the memo by now. Granted it hadn't even been a week since Lindsey moved out.

"Heard what?" Lucas rose his empty left hand for her to see. "Oh."

"Yeah. I know it still doesn't give me any claim over Peyton. I screwed up big time, many times. She deserves the best - someone better than me." Lucas explained sincerely. "But Lindsey and I have separated and it is definitely over. We'll get a divorce, when things calm down."

"Luke, what happened?" Brooke asked so gently it was quite unbelievable she had just given him such a hard time.

Lucas chuckled dryly trying to find words to explain it all. "All detailed explanations are very embarrassing. The short and vague version is just that our love was far from great or epic. In all honesty we probably never should have gotten married in the first place." He saw that Brooke looked much less surprised than when she heard about the separation. "But something tells me you've known that all along..?"

"Somehow I feel like you just told me the story of how my life could have ended up had you married me in High School." Brooke said quietly. "I told Peyton seven years ago that I had been Lindsey, and I guess I really was right."

"It wasn't like High School.. It was just so far from right we both ended up being much emptier versions of ourselves even though we kept up good appearances and never fought." Lucas tried to explain. "It wasn't Peyton's fault.."

"I know. Of course it wasn't. But when you use words epic and great in explanation anyone even half as smart as me could say what you really were saying was that she wasn't Peyton." Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Like I said, I don't expect ever to get the grace of trying again with Peyton. I'm at the end of seven years of miserably unconnected marriage, I could never put Peyton go through a hell like that. I told Brandon that she's so special that most men aren't good enough for her. With the way I have screwed up in this life I'd be a hypocrite to think I was good enough for her."

Brooke looked at him sternly. She knew Lucas was always dangerous around Peyton. But he really seemed to sincerely believe he wasn't good enough for her best friend and that was at least a promising start to the mess that so inevitably right around the corner.

"Good. As your friend, I am sorry for what you've gone through and going through. But as Peyton's best friend, I still stand by what I said before: If you screw up Peyton and Neil's relationship in Any Way, I'll make your life worse than your worst nightmares. Got it?"

Lucas nodded obediently.

* * *

Nathan and Lydia were intently watching a special top 10 show of Red Bedroom artists on MTV.

"Don't mama look so pretty?" Lydia sighed, when Haley's music video of Flying Machine came on. Nathan had no arguments to his daughter. "I wanna be just like mama, when I grow up. I wanna be a rock star. Is that alright?"

Nathan smiled at his daughter. She had this incredible gift of being enchanted by things. She got so excited about everything she saw that she came up with new dreams almost daily. He had never been like that and neither had Jamie, he was pretty sure Haley hadn't either. Lydia being just like Haley had been his dream since their wedding night so it felt funny that she'd choose the exact same words now at age of five. But these past five years had changed the dream in his mind.

Lydia was just like Haley in a lot of ways and he was extremely happy about that. But there were also other, just as endearing sides to the girl that were nothing like his incredible wife. Having learned who Lydia was, he no longer wanted her to be just like Haley.

"Sure you can be a rock star if you want to." Nathan took the girl to his lap. "But you know what I want more than anything else in the world..?"

"What?" Lydia's eyes were glistening of excitement. It sounded like her daddy had something really important to share with her.

"I want you to be just like you. You can be anything you want and even a lot of things, but I want you to be my incredible and beautiful Lydia Peyton Scott, no matter what."

"But daddy, I'm already Lydia Peyton Scott." Lydia giggled. Her daddy was just so silly sometimes.

"I know, and that's the only thing that matters." Nathan smiled. Life was so simple to a five-year-old. "Did you know that your mommy was also a teacher?"

"No, mommy's not a teacher. Mrs Cook is a teacher." Lydia thought her dad was going even crazier.

"Yeah, Mrs Cook is your teacher. But, when Jamie was your age mommy was a teacher in Tree Hill High. And when we were in High School mommy was a tutor and quite nerdy, but she was still just as amazing as she is now. My point is that, if you want to be a rock star you can. But it's equally cool to be whatever you want to be. And just like your mom, you can even do a lot of things you like, if you want." Nathan explained.

"I see, SillyD has gotten her first 'daddy's life lesson'. She's surely a real Scott now." Jamie commented coming in with Lucas.

Lydia hopped to hug both her brother and her uncle. When they were all settled she asked, "What's a daddy's life lesson, Jamie?"

"What you just had." He said and then changed his voice to mock Nathan's much lower voice. "You're the greatest trophy of all, I don't want you to be like anyone else, one day you'll have a monument and when you have kids of your own they'll be even greater than all the trophies and monuments.."

Lucas chuckled at his godson. That side of Nathan was something he didn't see that often, and before he became a father you would never have guessed Nathan to be like that. But being a father had definitely brought out the inspirational speaker in his brother.

"Although, I wouldn't be surprised if you never got the kids of your own speeches. I don't think he'll ever want to think about you like that.." Jamie laughed and stuck a tongue out to his dad.

"Directed by Peyton Sawyer? Peyton has been directing music videos?" Lucas had seen the name on the screen and all of a sudden the banter around him just faded away.

"Yeah. She's been directing some of her artists' videos for years. What you didn't know about that?" Nathan asked surprised. "Oh, this is the one I've been waiting for. Haley said that Neil appears in this one."

"Oh, no way, not you too. I can't remember the last time a conversation didn't lead to Neil, it's so annoying." Lucas growled.

"Luke, I'm totally with you on that. He comes to town and all of a sudden everyone is so enchanted by him that nothing's the way it used to. And now Peyton called today to ask if it was okay for her to bring Neil with her to tomorrow's barbeque.."

"Oh, no way, not you too.." it was Jamie's turn to growl. "Uncle Lucas has been jealous of him since Monday."

"You've been jealous of him?" Nathan asked his brother. Then he realized it would have been bigger news had he not been. "Of course you've been jealous of him."

"Well, right now I'm even jealous of you. Y'all know all these things about Peyton and I'm just so out of everything, it seems. We used to be good friends. Now it's like I know nothing about her. What happened?"

"That must be a rhetorical question." Nathan looked at him incredulously.

"What's a rhetorical question?" Lydia butted in.

"It's a question that you don't need to answer." Jamie explained.

"Why would anyone want to ask questions if you didn't need to answer them?" the little girl asked confused.

"Sometimes it's a way to make the other one think about things, even though everyone already knew the answer to the question." Lucas explained to her.

He thought he was doing pretty good job, but the little girl seemed offended and almost as mad as Brooke had been just earlier in the day. "Well, I think it's Stupid. I don't know the answer!" she yelled and marched out of the living room.

* * *

**A/N:** so there's that. What'd you think? What would you like to see? With this chapter I figured that I can tell the story pretty well in many different ways, so let me know what you think.. Thanks for being so awesome! Can't wait to hear your thoughts..


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N:** I'm so sorry it took me over a week longer than I promised! Please don't kill me.. It was just really hard for me to get this chapter to what I wanted it to be. I hope it makes up for some of it, though, that it's close to double the length of my normal chapters.. As always, thank you for all your wonderful reviews! They keep me going and help write when it's hard.

I hope you'll enjoy the barbeque!

What you'll need to understand: The part in _italics_ is Lucas's email.

Disclaimer (that I've forgotten from almost all chapters): I don't claim to own any of the world of One Tree Hill that Mark Schwahn created. Also there's song lyrics that aren't my own, but from a wonderful song by Altarmotive: Please Resolve This (played in OTH 4.16)

* * *

_-Saturday, (ie. the next day)-_

"So how were they about me coming with you today?" Neil asked. He was driving them to Nathan and Haley's for the barbeque. Of the people that would be there today he had only met Haley, Brooke and Brandon so he thought it best to be prepared.

"Well, I stopped by yesterday to pick Haley up for studio. She was getting ready and Jamie was already at school, so I told Nathan and Lydia first. He's a lot like Brooke when it comes to our friendship, so he might have had my head if I hadn't personally mentioned to him that you were coming with me today and he had heard about it just from Haley." Peyton rambled happily. They had had a fun work date the night before and today she got to spend the day with her best friends. It was going to be a good day.

"Anyway, Lydia kind of stole the show, so I never really got to talking about it with Nathan. Haley was fine with it and, well, you know Brooke. She was over the moon to have you here." she laughed.

"Okay. How did Lydia steal the show? She's the kid who stole you from me the last time, right?" He spoke so lightly that they could both disregard the bitter word choices of the second question.

"Yes, Lydia is my five-year-old goddaughter, who has especially lately," Peyton stretched out each word so that it emphasized her amused and loving thoughts behind the words, "really started to participate in adult conversations. Poor Nathan expected her to not really get what was going on or ask what it meant that I was going out with you. But no, Lydia asked what I was gonna wear to the date and where we were going." Peyton laughed.

"Seriously, sometimes I think the girl forgets that she's only five. Anyway then she asked if we were going to be kissing a lot now and Nathan basically choked on his coffee. I'm gonna make it up to him and make sure to do all kinds of 5-year-old stuff with her today. She's adorable, but I don't want her to grow up too fast even if she's best friends with her 24-years-older aunt."

They arrived to the Scotts and Neil took her hand in his as they walked to the back yard. Others already at sight, but still away he smiled at her and whispered to her ear a closing statement of the earlier discussion "You are inspiring at being an aunt."

* * *

The gang spent a little while all together, but soon Brandon and Lydia requested the three women to come with them to Lydia's little play house. Haley whispered something to Nathan's ear and waited for his nod of agreement before agreeing to the kid's request.

"So, what should we play?" Brandon asked curling around Brooke's neck as they walked to the play house.

"What, you sounded like you had a plan when you wanted us here?" Brooke laughed and gave her son some affectionate kisses while Haley opened the door.

"No, I wanted you here so we can have girl talk and daddy won't freak out." Lydia directed the explanation to Brooke and whispered the last part so that Haley wouldn't here.

"Great!" Brooke squealed. "Haley you've raised a great kid."

Brandon wasn't as happy about the idea. He jumped out of his mother's arm. "But I'm a boy. Girl talk sounds.." he thought for a moment with an emphasized frown on his face. ".. so girly."

"Oh, honey, let me tell you a very important secret." Brooke sat down on the play house porch. "Your daddy is great at girl talk. He may not talk it himself, but he understands it really well. That's because he's practiced. And boys that understand girl talk are so much cooler than the ones who don't."

Brandon thought about it.

"How 'bout just a little bit of girl talk and you can stop it whenever you want? And then we'll play something fun." Brooke suggested to him.

"Actually, I say we just play something fun. Why waste such a cool playhouse?" Peyton argued. "What could we play here: Home? Café? Kindergarten?"

"Café!" Brandon got excited. "Lydia and I can make all kinds of food for you and then someone can serve and then you can tell us what foods you liked.."

"I don't know.. It could be fun, but.." Lydia considered somewhat unconvinced.

"Lydia did you know that uncle Lucas's mom Karen used to have a café where Clothes Over Bro's is now? And your mom used to be a waitress there." Peyton came up with a new angle. She had just told Neil she'd keep the kid playing her own age things today and she was determined.

That did it. Lydia's eyes lit up of excitement. "Did you mama?"

"Yeah we did. And your uncle Lucas helped there, too sometimes." Haley smiled at the memories.

"Cool! Aunt Pey and aunt Brooke, were y'all there too?" the little girl was forming an idea in her mind.

"Yeah, senior and junior year of High school we all hung out there quite a lot." Brooke joined in the memories.

"Great! We'll play that! I'll be Karen, who could Brandon be?"

"Can I be uncle Lucas?" Brandon was eager to join Lydia's idea.

"Yeah. That's perfect. Y'all are just y'all in High School. But mama it's your day off, 'cause me and Brandon, I mean Lucas will take care of the café." Lydia explained. "Oh, what was the name of Karen's café?"

"It was just that sweetie. Karen's Café." Haley smiled at her daughter's resourcefulness. "Thanks for giving me the day off!"

Lydia and Brandon stepped inside the play house that was now their kitchen and the three women sat down on the porch waiting to be served. "So we're supposed to play ourselves in High school now. What memories do you have from the café?" Haley started the conversation.

"Is that a real question or are we supposed to answer as our highschool-selves?" Brooke enquired.

"However you like.." Haley offered, but Lydia peeked her head out of the play house and gave stricter instructions. "No mama, we are playing now. Don't ruin the game!"

"Okay, well there you go.." Haley corrected herself and the all three laughed.

"Well we gathered here for the Honey Grove emergency meeting.." Peyton started. "Mouth needed assistance.."

"Thank you for censuring for the little ears.." Brooke laughed. "My first memories from 'here' were setting you up on a date with Nathan" she pointed at Haley, who smiled at the memory, "and watching Lucas talk with you and Larry. I was So jealous of you." she pointed at Peyton, who blushed, but covered it up so fast that no one made a big deal out of it.

Lydia and Brandon came to take orders. Brooke and Peyton ordered pie and Haley Mac 'n Cheese and as the kids gotten the orders the pretend High Schoolers went back to memorizing.

"My turn?" Haley asked. "I was early in my pregnancy with Jamie, when Brooke marched into the café during my shift and told that Rachel thought she was pregnant. Then we talked about pregnancy scares and Nathan and Luke's stands on the possibility of babies."

"Oh, god.." Brooke gasped. "I remember that time. It was terrible and now afterwards quite funny."

"Yeah, well speaking of.." Haley turned to see if the kids were listening. "I'm breaking the rules of the game, but I'm just excited to inform you that we're expecting another member to our family." Haley placed her hand on her still flat belly.

Brooke squealed and both Peyton and Brooke hugged and congratulated Haley.

"Were you like that in High School?" Lydia peeked her head out the door to check the adults were still playing. The three women looked at each other, smiled and then burst to laugh.

"Yes, Lydia. Some things don't just change." Peyton answered.

"Okay. But Lucas, I think you should go and hang out with your friends Haley, Brooke and Peyton. Make sure they stay in character." Lydia instructed to Brandon.

Brandon happily obliged and went to cuddle and give kisses to his mother. Brooke cuddled back with just as much affection.

"Now, that was actually much wiser move from Lydia than she even knew. The cuddling and kissing was definitely a scene from High School's Karen's Café." Haley laughed. "Actually it fits the image both with Brooke and with Peyton."

Peyton was quiet. She just looked at Brooke cuddling with her son and Haley who was apparently pregnant again.

"Oh, hush Haley." Brooke laughed. Haley was hilariously right, though. They all knew it. They could have pointed out that Lucas and Peyton had become an official exclusive couple at the café and there many other moments to remember for both Brooke and Peyton. But all that was best kept under wraps, because Brooke was now much better off with Julian and it was all still quite complicated with Peyton.

"I'm doing so much better now than back then. Just look at the handsome guy I'm cuddling with now." Brooke boasted.

She took a quick look at the men further away. She smiled at the sight of Neil and Julian seemingly hitting it off really well. Nathan and Jamie participated in the conversation, too, but it was easy to see that they were in much more observant mode than normally. Lucas was brooding and staring at Haley, Peyton, Brandon and herself. Brooke was pretty sure he was mostly looking at Peyton. It was actually so High School that Brooke couldn't help but chuckle. It was definitely time to change the subject, though.

"Speaking of.. P. Sawyer, we need more details about how it's going with Neil." Brooke started.

"It's going well, I think. I took last night off and he took me bowling. We had fun. And I'm really happy he's here now." Peyton smiled, although there was a hint of sadness in the smile. She really meant the last part. Especially now that she had heard Haley's news. It surprised her how bad it felt for herself to not have what Brooke and Haley did. Knowing she was here with Neil and not alone made her a little more hopeful, too.

"Speaking of, I think I'm gonna go spend some time with him" Maybe it would get even better when she actually had him by her side. She needed that now, because she really wanted to celebrate her friends' happiness with them.

Brooke and Haley smiled as she walked away.

"I didn't wanna say anything when Peyton was here, but you know what else seems very High School?" Brooke noted to Haley. She pointed at Lucas. "That best friend of yours is totally pining over my best friend again."

Haley was filled with love to see Lucas watching how Peyton joined Neil where he was sitting. He was obviously jealous.

"A friendly advice from one Leyton best friend to another: yours better not screw up the life of mine again.." Brooke warned.

* * *

"Hey you," Neil smiled and made room for Peyton next to him. "Congratulations! I heard Haley's pregnant again. Must be great for you getting to be an aunt again."

Peyton forced a smile. "Yeah, Haley and Nathan were so meant to be parents that it'll be great for them to have one more."

She was really happy for her friends, but right now she was not feeling as happy as Neil clearly expected her to. Most days she could just enjoy all the amazing things she had and push aside the grudge of not having the amazing families her friends had. Today, just wasn't one of those good days. She wanted what Haley and Brooke had so bad and it hurt that she was the only one without that.

The worst thing was that the married moms probably couldn't really even remember what it felt like to be her. They had gotten everything and more and they got to share all the hardships that came along with an amazing man by their side. She on the other hand had to struggle through all that by herself. Sure she could talk about a lot of things with her friends, but it wasn't the same. Even Neil that she was trying to be with now, did not seem to even notice her pain.

Just like many other times, when Peyton really needed an out from an awkward situation, Lydia climbed onto her lap. She placed a kiss on Peyton's cheek just like Brandon had done to Brooke showing her affection so sweetly.

"You weren't there when I brought out your pie." She stated.

"I'm sorry I missed your pie honey. I just had to come spend some time with Neil, too. Did you give mama and Brooke their Karen's Café foods?"

"Yeah, Brooke said that if I wanna open up a café when I grow up, she could give me her store, where Karen's Café used to be. Brooke said I could call it whatever I wanted. Maybe it could be Lydia's or Karen's or maybe Aunt Pey's."

"Wow, that sounds cool." Peyton smiled at her favorite little girl.

"Yeah. So, are you gonna be Aunt Pey's daddy?" Lydia asked Neil suddenly. She took him by surprise and poor Neil almost choked on his beer.

"Honey, we have been out on one date. It's way too early to be even asking about that." Peyton told the girl softly.

"Sorry." Lydia apologized sincerely. "I just wanted to know, because I think you deserve a daddy, too."

"That's so sweet of you, dear." Peyton laughed "Tell you what: you'll be the first to know when I've found my daddy. Then you can ask him all kinds of questions about it, but until then you don't need to worry about it."

"Okay." Lydia gave them a pride and wide smile.

"Hey Sawyer, didn't you find Mick already on our tour almost seven years ago? What's this all about?" Neil half whispered very confused about what his trial girlfriend had been talking about.

Peyton giggled. "Yeah, Lydia has her own words and concepts to things. She didn't think you'd be my father. Right?" Peyton turned back to Lydia and winked at her. "Oh, one more thing honey: Don't tell aunt Brooke what I promised to you, 'cause she'll be jealous."

"Like uncle Lucas and daddy?" Lydia's eyes lit up with extra sparkle.

"Um, I don't know.. What do you mean?" It was Peyton's turn to be confused. She could not imagine what could get both Scott brothers jealous.

"Well, yesterday me and daddy were watching Red Bedroom music videos and Jamie and uncle Lucas came, too." Lydia explained with a lot of importance in her voice. She was always like that when she got to tell stories.

"Then Jamie said that daddy was jealous and then daddy said that uncle Lucas was jealous and then Jamie said that Uncle Lucas had been jealous since Monday. And then daddy asked some stupid question that didn't need to be answered. They said everyone already knew the answer." Lydia had a lot of passion and frustration in her voice. "I think it's stupid. 'Cause I didn't know the answer."

Peyton smiled at her. She still couldn't figure out what the girl was on about, but whatever it was it was cute to watch and she told herself she probably was better off not knowing anyway.

Lydia watched intently both Peyton and Neil and then all of a sudden the girl got very thoughtful and serious. Peyton tried making funny faces at her and Neil soon joined her in that, when he noticed Lucas was watching them. But even with two adults making fools of themselves right by the five-year-old, Lydia stayed deep in her thoughts. It was like she was calculating or trying to work something up in her head.

"Yo, D! Penny for your thoughts.." Peyton finally used her voice to get the girl's attention.

That did it. "You wanna give me money?" Lydia asked curiously.

"Well, it's a saying, but yes I can give you a penny if you tell me what you were thinking.." Peyton answered. She could have just used another saying.

"I was just thinking why everyone was saying Neil is hot.. I think he doesn't seem that hot. He's been here for a LONG time and he hasn't been like that at all. I think reminds me of aunt Lindsey in that." Lydia thought out loud. And for a long while the both two adults with her just stared at her in shock.

* * *

They had all united to Nathan and Haley's patio from the earlier smaller groups. The past hour had been full of baby talk. There were so many different angles to talk about. Brooke and Julian had still fresh memories from expecting Ellen, and Neil being the natural socialite contributed a lot of questions and stories, too.

However, it was easy for Lucas to see that Peyton wasn't doing so well with the topic. Yes, she seemed somewhat attentive, but to Lucas many of her smiles seemed forced. She felt distant, too.

Lucas had a feeling she had a lot to deal with when it came to babies that weren't her own. He did, too, but the world was missing out on much more amazing parent potential because she didn't have kids than because he didn't. He assumed it would be really hard for her.

Peyton excused herself from the group to go inside to bathroom, but Lucas noticed her sitting on a living room couch, holding her head in her hands. He, too, found an excuse to go inside without drawing attention. He noticed the shade wasn't so good for keeping the foods cool anymore and so he announced he'd take the bowl of whipped cream back to fridge.

Lucas walked to the other couch and sat down on the nearest end of it to Peyton and handed her a plate, spoon and a big slice of pecan pie. He had taken it from the table before heading in, because he knew it was one of Peyton's favorite comfort foods.

"How're you holding up?" he asked voice full of sympathy and worry.

"What do you mean? I'm just fine." Peyton put on the same forced smile that had worked so well with Neil.

"Peyton," he warned. "I could see through that fake smile when we were 16 and we were hardly a month into knowing each other. You're putting on your brave face. So how're you really holding up?"

"It's wonderful news for Nathan, Haley and the kids that there's one more on the way." Peyton smiled at him little sadly.

"Yeah, I know. But it's hard, too.." Lucas said quietly.

Peyton's eyes shot wide open. She was surprised by his reply. "So you don't think I'm just crazy and selfish for feeling sadness and a bit of grudge, too, because of the news?"

"No, I think you're human." Lucas answered seriously, but then chuckled. "At least I like to think that, because I feel it, too. And if you're crazy and selfish, hell anything worse than human, it must make me a terrible monster."

Peyton stared at him. "You feel it too?" she asked quietly.

Lucas shrugged "You know I've always wanted nothing short of what they have."

Peyton nodded. Back before Nathan became a dad, Lucas was the Scott brother you would think of as the father type, much more so than Nathan. She had been in a serious relationship with him so of course she knew his dreams of having a family. It had really surprised her that him and Lindsey hadn't started one.

They were quiet for a long moment. The silence was heavy. The kind that most people fear. But Lucas took it all in, because even though it was uncomfortable there was a unique energy, passion, in the silence and it was exactly what his marriage had lacked. It was a strong moment of meeting and it brought new levels of meaning to life.

"All my best friends are here. But I feel so.." Peyton searched for the word "disconnected. Like I'm an alien and dropped into the land of my dreams, but I'm only allowed to watch and be an aunt." Lucas just listened so took a spoonful of the pie and then went on "I do love being an aunt and I love those nieces and nephews to death. But I can't help but want a family of my own. Just something that is mine."

Lucas smiled at her. He knew. He had known the longest time that she would make an amazing mother and wife. They had talked about it sometimes when they were together.

"I know. That's why I had a feeling it would be hard for you, too. If anyone deserves that dream to come true, it's you. You're amazing with Lydia and Brandon, but then again I've always known you'd make an amazing mom."

Streams of tears escaped Peyton's eyes. Damn it, she did not want to start comparing her funny and available Neil to her long-gone prince Lucas. But when both men had noted the way she is with Lydia and Brandon, but come to so different conclusions about it, it was hard not to. Neil had had no clue what was going on with her emotionally and had made her feel really guilty. Whereas Lucas had seen right through her and understood the pain in her heart.

"God, I hope you're right. Maybe I'll either have to compromise my dreams or accept they are not coming true and move on." Peyton wiped her tears. "Anyway, enough about my whining.. How are you holding up with the separation thing? This must be especially hard for you with everything going on with Lindsey.."

"As sick as it sounds, I actually feel like I'm coming back to life again. Like I'm starting to feel again.." Lucas knew he was being vague, but he couldn't lie to Peyton and she did not know enough details about everything, so vague seemed like the only option. "Sometimes life makes you feel hurt. Sometimes it brings joy or passion or something else. So how I'm holding up varies, but it's all good anyway."

"That sounds inspiring." Peyton smiled. She was about to continue the conversation, when she noticed Brooke looking at them intently through the windows and she remembered she needed to get back to Neil and her friends. The unavoidable Neil-Lucas comparison should have reminded of that already so it was high time she went. She finished her pie and she really had no reasons not to go back out yet. "I gotta go. Looks like Brooke wants me outside."

Lucas looked outside to see what she meant and immediately remembered Brooke's order to stay away from her. "I actually think she may just want my head. She told me to stay away from you and here I am."

Peyton rolled her eyes. Of course Brooke would do that. When Peyton had asked her to keep everyone grounded and not overly excited about the trial relationship, partially the reason had been to give Brooke a chance to watch herself and her own enthusiasm. But it would have been naive to think she'd not meddle at all.

"Don't worry about Brooke. We're friends, right? Thanks for all the understanding and encouragement, Luke." Peyton rose from the couch and walked towards the backdoor.

"Hey, Peyton." Lucas stopped her and got her to turn towards her right by the door. "I'd really like that. Being friends with you again... I know we kinda lost each other for a while, but hopefully that's over now..?"

Peyton smiled and nodded before heading back out. They both were thinking about a memory from High School, when Peyton had said the same thing to Lucas and then they had agreed that 'them two' was always gonna be there. They both wondered if it still was true that 'them two' were always gonna be there. If it was true, what could that mean, then?

* * *

They spent a full day at Nathan and Haley's and Peyton and Neil set off to head back to Wilmington only when the sun was almost setting. Neil drove and Peyton was in charge of the music. It had become quite a regular responsibilty arrangement for their Wilmington-Tree Hill-Wilmington drives.

"So..." Peyton took Neil's currently free hand to hers. "What'd you think of my friends?"

"You want an honest or a censured version?" Neil smirked and winked at her.

"Well," Peyton laughed. "If I am to consider Actually going out with you, it better be honest.." She did get the question as part of Neil's humor, but this was also a very serious matter to her, so she had to let that show in her remark back.

"I already knew Haley was nice and Brooke was cool. But Nathan and Julian seemed pretty cool, too." Neil seemed to get that it was time to get honest and serious. "The kids on the other hand, well I don't think we got off to the best start.. It was a low blow from that goddaughter of yours to compare me to Satan's Wife. What was that about anyway?"

"It's much lower blow from you to be comparing Lucas to Satan." Peyton shot back.

Neil chuckled a little, "Peyton chill, it used to make you feel better when I got to my protective Lucas-dashing mode. We both know he's an idiot and he hurt you really bad. I think I recall a few times from the tour when you said it was sexy. That it turned you on.."

"Well, I guess I've grown up and moved on in five years." Peyton sighed. "Lucas is my friend and he's been through enough. So you need to cut the name calling and at least learn to tolerate him."

"Fine, for you I will try my best." Neil sighed dramatically. They stopped at a red light so he leaned over to affectionately kiss her cheek as if to seal the deal. "Just don't force me to like him.."

Peyton chuckled at him. He could be really adorable. "You don't have to like him. Just try and be nice and civil, that's all I ask."

"Okay. But why did Lydia say I'm not that hot?"

Peyton burst into laughter. She couldn't seem to stop laughing and it got Neil even more curious.

"Don't worry she wasn't commenting on your appeal." Peyton reassured as soon as she was calm enough to breathe and speak again. "Jamie has taught her that hot is adult language for someone who gets kissed a lot."

"Oh, okay. That's better I guess. Maybe we can work on my hotness rate?" Neil winked.

"Down boy." Peyton blushed. "Sorry that my godkids can make life pretty awkward... Actually, I'm not sorry. I love that they're so sassy."

"Nah it's okay. I'm not into five-year-olds like that.. If you think I'm hot that definitely makes up for your godaughter's remarks." Neil smirked and caused Peyton to roll her eyes.

* * *

Back home in Wilmington Peyton was restless and could not sleep. Every time she closed her eyes her mind would start replaying moments from earlier that day and a new cycle of thoughts would start up.

At 3 am she gave up trying and opened her computer to get some work done. She was her own boss so she could kill time now working and sleep whenever she could, then.

To her big surprise Peyton found an email from Lucas in her inbox. It was titled as "song from earlier" and already at the inbox she could see there was an attachment. She clicked the message open and read

_Peyton,_

_I thought about what we talked today at Nathan and Haley's and this song came to my mind. It's lyrics suit so well with what we thought, and well I know how much you love song lyrics.. So if you're still feeling like you did earlier, put on the song on and enjoy the lyrics. Since this is just an uncool email and there's no official lyrics booklets to read, I wrote them down for you to make the experience a little better anyway._

_I hope they'll help you as they help me._

Peyton clicked the song open and let herself sink into the music and lyrics.

_It's 5 am and I can't fall asleep_

_I lie awake again with these portraits in my head_

_A million melodies accompany a thousand broken dreams_

_As I toss inside my bed._

_I know I'll get along just fine.._

_So don't you turn away_

_Please resolve this_

_It doesn't have to end this way_

_Please resolve this_

_Resolve this_

_Sometimes I feel like love is so unreal_

_And every girl I love is just another one I can't have_

_I guess it's true that only God can heal the wounds that eat us up_

_But I'm tired of waiting_

_I just can't seem to leave the past behind_

_So don't you turn away_

_Please resolve this_

_It doesn't have to end this way_

_Please resolve this_

_Resolve this_

_What choice do I have?_

_I can't get you out of my head_

_Hold me in your hand_

_And I'll never leave again_

_Never leave again_

_So don't you turn away_

_Please resolve this_

_(Can't you see I'm sorry)_

_It doesn't have to end this way_

_Please resolve this_

_(Can't you see I'm sorry)_

_Resolve this_

_Cause my heart is in your hands_

_Please resolve this_

_(Can't you see I'm sorry)_

_Let me feel alive again_

_Please resolve this_

_Resolve this_

_I just wanted to tell you that I don't believe for a second it can end this way for you. You're way too amazing for things not be resolved._

_love,_

_Lucas_

Peyton was in tears. They weren't full of angst as she had been earlier. She felt a sense of peace and comfort. How could this man after all the years of estrangement and minimal communication still know exactly what she needed to feel better? Her best friends and trial boyfriend hadn't even recognized how hard the day had been for her, but Lucas did and he also helped her get through it.

Had it not been so late at night, she would have started worrying about her feelings, but she was tired and she could finally calm herself down for sleeping. Peyton put the song on repeat and curled against a big fluffy extra pillow in her bed. Before the song started for the third time she was sound asleep.

* * *

**A/N:** Here we are. What do you think? Once again all your feedback, ideas and suggestions have a huge impact on how the story continues, so please keep them coming! ;) I hope you had a wonderful Easter!


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N:** I know! I suck for not posting sooner. There have been many reasons right after each other and I don't wanna bore you with them now that I finally can offer a chapter. But I'll just briefly mention that part of the reasons may even benefit the story, though: I spent two weeks with my own Lydia Scott and it was quite inspiring (although so time consuming that I couldn't update).

Anyway, I thank you for your patience, hopefully long waits are over now. And thank you for everyone who reviewed, alerted or favorited! It means the world and I'm really sorry I had to make you wait for so long..

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or the background, setting, or anything that belongs to One Tree Hill. Neither do I own Bethany Joy back then Lenz, now Galeotti's Then Slowly Grows. (But it is a wonderful song, so I definitely don't mind if you put it to play on youtube while it's playing in this chapter.)

* * *

_-The Next Morning-_

So much for sleeping when she finally could. Brooke had woken up Peyton around 8:30 asking her to join them for a day on Carolina Beach. Peyton's eyes were still swollen from the sleepless night in tears and she really would have loved to say no, but Brooke can be persuasive.

When the phone call ended Peyton called Neil and asked if he wanted to go. He had laughed a little, when Peyton told that Brooke had introduced the ideas as a 'double date on the beach with two kids in tow'. He had asked if that would count as the 2nd one of the three dates in their deal.

The deal hadn't been very wise to begin with. With the history, Peyton and Neil were so past the dating phase. It had quite naturally shifted more towards the idea of trial relationship - being boyfriend and girlfriend for a week. So Peyton suggested that they gave up on the three dates rule all in all.

To Neil it felt like a victory. For up until Peyton's suggestion of more than the three dates he had always been the one wanting and initiating more. So the two of them joined the Bakers' beach trip.

Carolina Beach was only 10 minutes from Peyton's so Neil picked her up. He opened and closed the front seat's door for her like the gentleman he was and as always Peyton got to control the stereos.

Neil could notice she wasn't in the same happy, joking mood than usually when they were driving. Talking seriously did not seem to fit the situation naturally either so he just let her be. When he didn't start up the usual banter, Peyton realized that this time he could sense her mood ad he was being considerate. She had to smile with the reminder that despite yesterday's maybe unreasonable disappointment, Neil was really a good guy, too.

They met the Bakers in the parking area and the atmosphere was lifted back up. Neil opted for a running contest to the closest shades to the shore. After running ten feet Brandon requested that Julian would carry him to help him beat the others. Sand wasn't easy to run on.

Julian lifted his son up. Noticing that Brooke was carrying Ellen Neil ran to Peyton and lifted her up to carry her. He looked really funny imitating the way Julian was carrying Brandon. Peyton laughed uncontrollably all the way until Neil dropped him to the sand when they arrived to the destination.

Brandon wanted to get straight into the water and so Brooke encouraged the rest of them to go enjoy the refreshing water first, while she stayed behind with Ellen. The men agreed and soon ran to the water. But Peyton stalled and stayed behind with Brooke and Ellen.

"Brooke, you need to take it easy with Luke." Peyton started as soon as Julian, Brandon and Neil were gone.

"Excuse me?" Brooke asked and raised her eyebrows as if it would help her understand better.

"Lucas said you didn't want him near me." Peyton looked at her best friend sternly.

Brooke sighed. Of course Peyton would defend Lucas. She always did and most of the time he really didn't deserve it. "Peyton, you know how he is. Even if he doesn't mean to, he always ends up hurting you. You have a good thing going on with Neil. I won't allow him to hurt you again."

Peyton smiled at her best friend. Even if she did not agree with what Brooke was doing, it was still nice to have someone so concerned about her happiness.

"Well, I thank you for having my back" Peyton emphasized the thank you. "But I can take care of myself. Lucas and I are friends and I want that. So get off his back."

It was Brooke's turn to smile as she studied her best friend intently. She tried to remember the last time Peyton had been this determined. There hadn't been many occasions since her decision to move out of Tree Hill and go on tour. It was a little worrying that she was so protective of Lucas again, but on the other hand she had missed that fire in Peyton.

In Brooke's mind this was a glimpse of the Peyton she loved the most. Peyton was supposed to be passionate and fiery but sensitive, delicate and vulnerable. She was hoping Neil's out going personality would bring that out of her best friend, who had lately gotten just easily sad and a little dull.

"Okay, I'll trust your judgement when it comes to him. But I keep rights to have his head if he hurts you again." Brooke finally agreed.

"You know that's exactly the image he used yesterday" Peyton chuckled.

"Good. Then he knows what he's in for." Brooke smirked smugly. "Anyway, girl talk, since yesterday's wasn't that good: when's your next full on date with Hot Neil? I'm dying for some romance."

"We don't count them anymore, but he's taking me out for the next one-on-one date tomorrow."

"Ooh, tell me everything, I haven't been out on a one-on-one date since before Ellen was born.." Brooke's eyes lit up of excitement.

"Well, it's not exactly Neil's style for us to make exact plans like that. I'm pretty sure, though, that it will be something fun and spontaneous." Peyton stuck her tongue out to Neil and laughed at him. He was messing around in the water with Julian and Brandon, but he tried to wave at Peyton to come join them while throwing water at Brandon.

Brooke was over the moon seeing how her Hot Neil got her best friend to laugh like that. The man looked so hot and ridiculous at the same time. Of course the man with Neil was even hotter, because he was hers, but Neil definitely had serious potential for Peyton.

"Go, have some fun!" Brooke shooed and winked at Peyton.

Cuddling with her beautiful baby girl, Brooke watched how Peyton joined Neil, Brandon and Julian. A huge smile was plastered on her face as she watched how much fun the most important people in her life were having. It was a beautiful day, she had her miracle of a daughter in her arms and everyone she loved seemed happy. It was quite perfect.

In the midst of her happy, enjoying thoughts Brooke all of a sudden frowned. She took even better look at the perfect picture and found a possibility of a flaw in it. It was funny how Peyton seemed the same whether she was closer to Julian or Neil. Brooke tried to reason that it was because Peyton had history with Julian, too, that it didn't seem so different. But in all honesty, it seemed like Peyton was simply resistant of Neil's obvious charm and hotness.

Brooke knew Peyton's taste in men. They had even shared three guys in the ancient past. It was obvious that her best friend wasn't blind. Still the way Peyton was with Neil, did not feel like it should have. Neil could easily have been Nathan. Peyton looked happy, but she didn't look like she was having a crush on him. She certainly didn't look like she was in love. Well, at least she looked happy.

* * *

_-Around noon in Haley's car-_

"I saw you looking at Peyton yesterday." Haley noted to her best friend. Lucas was driving them to Jamie's baseball game in Charlotte. Nathan was already there with Jamie's team and Lydia was sleeping in the back seat.

"We're becoming friends again." Lucas brushed it off, but then almost whispered "I hope."

"Where's your head at?" she asked softly.

Lucas quickly peeked that Lydia was still asleep and sighed to win some time for finding the right words. "She's so strong and beautiful. She always has been, but now more than ever." Lucas paused and Haley smiled at him warmly. Her best friend was definitely at his best when he was deep, caring and passionate as right now. "But she's also vulnerable and I can't help but worry about her."

"Worry? I thought it was jealousy..." Haley couldn't help but comment. She stopped at that, though, when she noticed he was truly worried. "But why now? She's with Neil and everything seems to be well.."

"Because now that I don't have to spend all my strength to making it through a doomed forever, my eyes are opened" Lucas shrugged.

"And what do you see?" This was interesting...

"I see the same amazingly strong and beautiful woman I used to know. But it feels like deep down she's tired and confused and suffering. It makes me worried." Haley was still quiet as if she was forcing him to continue. "And I also notice how much I've missed her. How much I still miss her." There it was.

"I haven't really thought about it, but I guess I know what you mean. Life hasn't been easy for her, but she still handles it really well."

Lucas smiled and nodded. "Like I said, she's amazingly strong. I just think she shouldn't have to be that strong."

It was Haley's turn to smile. He was so admiring and caring while talking about Peyton that it brought her years back in history and she couldn't help but chuckle.

"Stop laughing! I mean it. And you should, too." he scolded her.

"Okay, okay. I am not laughing at what you said." Haley raised her hands up still very amused by her best friend. "It's just you sounded so much like my best friend at age of 16. Do you remember? I can quote 'No Peyton Sawyer is not human. She's an angel. She my angel.'"

"Haha. Very funny." Lucas still didn't like it that she was making fun of him, although she did have a point.

"I find it so sweet how you much love and admire her." Haley explained reasons behind her trip down the memory lane. The laughter and amusement was long gone and she was tearing up. Damn those pregnancy hormones.

Lucas blushed and was clearly a little embarrassed. He didn't say anything back to her.

"Luke, it's nothing to be embarrassed of. It's one of the best qualities about you." Haley smiled gently "But, it's time you put Peyton's happiness first even if it means her being with Neil and not you. So just be careful.."

Lucas was just about to answer, but a groggy voice from the back seat beat him to it. "Mama, why would uncle Lucas be embarrassed?"

What do you answer to that to a five-year-old, who already knows a little too much for everyones good?

"Hey sweetie, did you sleep well?" Haley turned to look at her daughter and tried changing the subject.

"Yeah, so?" Lydia rubbed her eyes and changed the subject right back.

"That your uncle is so caring and kind." Haley smiled. Nathan often said about her that he found her endearing and especially beautiful when she was still a little tired but had just woken up. Over the many years of their marriage Haley had rolled her eyes at the comment countless times. But now watching her daughter so groggy but sweet and determined, she could actually understand where Nathan was coming from. "It's something you could pursue in life, too. Loving is always good, sometimes it just means doing things in a way that's best for the other even if you don't like it."

Lydia wasn't so into a life lesson at that moment, but there was something intriguing in the conversation she had woken up to. The curiosity her father often cursed about her was waking her up speedily. "So who do you love, uncle Lucas?"

"I, I-I love a lot of people." Lucas stuttered taken back at his niece's question. "Especially you."

Relieved, the adults noticed the answer silenced the little girl. Maybe it was enough for her. But after a while they heard a really slow and doubtful "no" from the backseat. "I don't think mama was talking about me though. Were you talking about Aunt Pey, mama?"

"Honey, of course uncle Lucas loves you. Why'd you say we were talking about aunt Pey?" Haley could envision at least Nathan, Brooke and Peyton competing at killing her and Lucas if Lydia started talking about Lucas's love for Peyton in that innocent and excited style she loved to blabber.

"Mama, you mentioned her name." Lydia stated the obvious. "So, uncle Lucas do you love my aunt Pey?"

Lucas knew just as well as Haley did that Lydia really shouldn't know anything about that. But he couldn't lie to her either.

"Yes, I do, Lydia." His voice sounded like he was asking the little girl whether it was okay that he did.

But Lydia's face lit up to a happy smile. "It's okay that you do, uncle Lucas. I love aunt Peyt, too."

Luckily this time around Lydia's innocence was on their side and the information wasn't as dangerous as it might have been, but they were still on somewhat thin ice about it. Topics like this were definitely something they needed to be more careful with in the future.

* * *

They had played in the water and on the sand for hours only stopping to eat lunch, but it started to feel again like they were in need of some extra energy or refreshment. Neil and Brandon were the last ones to give in to exhaustion, both almost collapsing straight on Peyton as they stopped the games. Brooke couldn't help but notice the slight awkwardness about it in Peyton and how Peyton scooted a little closer to Brandon on other side of her to give Neil more space.

"You know what we need?" Brooke basically squealed when an idea popped into her head. "We need ice cream!"

"YES!" Brandon squealed in same enthusiastic manner as his mother causing both Julian and Peyton to chuckle. He was so his mother's son.

"You boys rest here with Ellen while I'll go with Peyton to get us some." Brooke instructed.

Neil muttered an objection of some sort about why it was them all staying and Peyton going with her. He was to exhausted for any of them to pick up the actual words. Fluent in Boys Brooke still picked up the message from how he had laid his hand on Peyton's thigh. So she explained that she'd take Peyton because they were in need of some best friend time and besides, all the rest of them seemed too tired to actually walk to the Ice Cream booth. Loyal to her style it all came out with such determination Peyton rose slowly from the sand and winked at Neil and Brandon on her way.

"Best friend time, huh?" Peyton questioned slightly amused. "Brooke, we've been hanging out all day and already had a one-on-one conversation. What's up?"

"I just thought you might like to talk about hot Neil a little bit" Brooke shrugged innocently.

Peyton raised her eyebrows trying to figure out her best friend. "We already talked about him earlier. I think once a day is quite enough."

"I just, I've been watching you two today and I got this feeling that what if I've been wrong about him" Brooke stopped to emphasize her worry. "I've been so cooped up in my romantic daydreams of the two of you that I haven't really been asking you if it's what you really want. So what do YOU think? Do you think he could be the one?"

Peyton looked tormented. "How did you know Julian was the one for you?"

"I just, I guess at first it was just this very special feeling of crush or adoration. Like there was this force pulling me to him." Brooke's face lit up to a huge smile. "But I don't know. It's hard to say how it really happened. But a lot of things led to those moments when I realized that I don't want to be without him."

Peyton looked still puzzled, like she had not gotten the answer she was looking for. "So you didn't notice any particular traits about him or something he did? Anything concrete?" She was trying to fish a suitable answer from her best friend.

"Well how he gave up on that movie in New Zealand to be with me was quite convincing deed from him, but I think in a way I knew before that. Well, you were in my wedding. I said it in our vows, too, that he sees the world in this amazing way and looks at me like no one has ever done." Brooke was getting a little dreamy and Peyton did not find comfort in that explanation either. Luckily they got to the Ice Cream booth and picked out ice creams before getting back to the conversation. "Why do you ask?"

Peyton sighed deeply. Like she was defeated. "Because I'm trying so hard to find that sign something that could tell me to consider spending even the rest of my life with him. And I thought maybe getting inspiration from you could help, but the more you talk about Julian the more I don't think about Neil. Why am I like this? He's a good guy, he likes music and understands what I do, he's single and he likes me. I feel like it should feel perfect, but in stead I feel indifferent."

Brooke really wished they hadn't picked up the ice creams yet, for she was dying to hug her best friend. It was too hard, though, with both of their hands full of ice cream packages. "Well either the time is not right or he is not right. Either way, Peyton, please don't settle.."

They arrived back to the rest of them so Peyton didn't need to reply to her. However she kept thinking about Brooke's words and everything they had talked about.

* * *

It was around midnight when Peyton realized that there was too much going on in her head for her to calm down that night either. She had tried putting on the song that had helped her the night before, but it felt outdated. So she found herself driving in Comet, switching from one radio channel to another in hopes of a good song. She found nothing good enough. But then again, that wasn't so surprising. Moments like these she was extremely picky about her music.

Before finding the right song she found herself in Tree Hill, driving towards River Court. It was dark, but she had always found River Court comfortably beautiful in the night time's lighting. Slowly she got out of her car and walked towards the actual court.

It took her a while to notice she wasn't alone. Even when she did see him, she wasn't sure he was real. Lucas was standing in the middle of the court, a basketball in his hands staring at her gently. It felt more like a dream or just her inner image of the place. But she stopped and pinched herself, but Lucas stayed on the court so maybe he really was there.

"Hi" He said nervously.

"Hi" she answered just as nervously. He smiled and ran his hand through his hair. It felt a little bit like they were back in High school.

"What are you doing here, blondie?" He had not called her that in a long time. But it felt right, natural.

She felt comforted by that one word. Had she had the time to analyze it, she could have realized it made annoyingly perfect sense: she had always been comforted by two things above all: music and Lucas's words. Music had so far failed her tonight, but his words still worked their magic just like that.

"I didn't feel like sleeping. I couldn't the right music either, so I ended up driving and then I ended up here." her reply came out as quite a ramble. "What about you?"

"I-I'm almost always here." Lucas stuttered a little and whispered "Still"

They smiled at each other knowingly. Maybe they hadn't changed that much after all. He nodded towards the bench and they walked over to the side of the court and sat down.

"So how are you holding up?" He asked.

Peyton studied his expressions as well as she could in the dark, trying to figure out what kind of answer was necessary. Unsurprisingly he looked Lucas: caring and sincerely interested, a little too worried. He was calling for an honest answer.

"I'm okay. Actually, I've been better." she said so softly that he hardly heard her. He still did, though.

He felt they weren't close enough for him to start asking questions. But he still wanted to be there for her. So he placed his hand carefully on hers. They stayed like that for a long time. Quiet but comforted by each others' presence.

"Luke, can I ask you something?" Peyton finally broke the silence.

"Sure." Lucas nodded.

"I know I shouldn't and I have no right to, so you don't have to answer, but.." Peyton stopped in the middle of her sentence, took a deep breath and asked "If it's impossible to have everything, do you think it's better to settle on some of it or keep holding on to the impossible?"

"Um, that was vague.." Lucas chuckled buying himself a little time to collect his thoughts. "Some years ago I probably would have said to just take some of it. But now.. Now I kind of cringe at the word settle. My marriage was all about two people settling for the easiest. It ruined us as people a little and it certainly ruined our marriage. Now I don't know what each of the option means in practice, but I've learned it's good to be extremely cautious with settling."

Peyton smiled weakly and nodded. In a pit of her stomach she had had that feeling, too. But she had wanted a change so bad that she had tried to ignore it.

"Thank you for the song by the way." she changed the subject. "It was beautiful and so suitable."

"Mah, you're welcome." Lucas tried to shrug it off.. "So you couldn't find music?"

"Well you know me, I'm extremely picky about my music when I really need it." Peyton smirked.

"Oh, yeah, when you moved to L.A. I sometimes hung out with Max at his store and he used to tell all kinds of stories about you. Quite a few had you in tears, desperate to find that right song.." Lucas chuckled.

"Hey, that place was like my therapist's office, he had no right to tell any stories about me.." Peyton was half annoyed and half amused.

"Well, it was just a couple of not that bad stories. But I told him you'd not like even that, but he just smiled at me and said that he was 33 and living with his parents so you'd be okay, 'cause he'd be more embarrassing anyway." Luke smiled at the memory.

"Oh, Max. I miss him.." Peyton smiled, too.

"What about the Cure?" Lucas asked suddenly. Peyton raised her eyebrows to ask what he meant. "Is there no the Cure song to work for you tonight?"

"Nah, I tried looking at the albums, but it they just didn't feel right." Peyton shrugged.

They discussed some of her other favorites, too, and when they finally agreed that maybe it was getting too late considering there was work the next day. They agreed that it wasn't as bad for Lucas, because he could choose his working hours, but Neil was coming to pick up Peyton at 8:15 so she really should have been in bed already long ago. Peyton also offered to drop him off anyway.

As the Comet pulled over by Lucas's house. He asked her to wait a little. He ran quickly into the house and came back almost immediately, with self-burned CD in his hands. He handed it over to Peyton.

"What is this?" Peyton asked and read the label. It was written in Lucas's hand writing and it said 'My Red Bedroom mix 1'

"It's my Red Bedroom mix." Lucas explained, "I don't know anyone who picks music, or artists with better music and lyrics, than you do. Maybe you will find the right music from one of your own.."

For a second time that night Peyton looked at him not sure he was real. Lucas smiled at her, wished her good night and walked inside.

Peyton just stared at the yellow house for a long minute, then she put the CD on and drove off. The first song in Lucas's mix was Haley's old one.

_I'm a frantic unsatisfied woman when the day grows long_  
_And I can't seem to settle down_  
_Then slowly grows our little faith I hang my head on_

A smile grew on her face. This was the song for her tonight.

_Everyday my dreams will get bigger_  
_Then I hear there's nothing I can dream hasn't been dreamt before_  
_So I water my little faith and hope for the better_

How had she not found the song on her own?

_I know there's so much more for me  
I know there's so much more  
So much more than I can see_

Then again, maybe she had needed that discussion with Lucas to get to this song.. It seemed quite logical after all.

_So won't you come to me_  
_I'll be the first one waiting_  
_I'll be the last to leave_  
_Promise you'll come to me_  
_I'll give you anything_  
_I'll give everything you need_

She wanted some one waiting and not leaving. Actually she also wanted to be the one waiting and not leaving. Maybe it would all be alright..

_And did I mention that I'm in lack of a loving hand_  
_And the nights grow long and I can't seem to start again_  
_Then slowly grows a little light_

Peyton pulled over to the side of the road. She Searched for a napkin and dried her eyes.

_Breaks through my shadow_  
_Breaks through my shadow_  
_I know there's so much more_  
_So much more than I can see_

With a shaky voice she whispered the lyrics to Haley's singing and continued the drive back to Wilmington.

* * *

**A/N:** So there it was. What'd you think? Next chapter includes at least Neil and Peyton's date. What do you think will happen, or should happen? I hope that despite my bad attendance lately, you'll still be kind enough and help improve the story by reviewing this one. But anyway, thanks for reading, I hope to update soon again!


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Hi! I suck for not having updated sooner. I've had amazing opportunities with my career lately, but it has also meant no free time and almost no time to write. I'm afraid I can't promise anything more in the future either, but I do promise that I'm not giving up for good and whenever I can write I do work on this and Would You Be My Brother. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was partially really hard to craft, but it's quite important one anyway.. Thank you for everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I love your reviews and please give me some feedback of this one, too, even if it's taken so long..

* * *

It was 10 am. Peyton had Lucas's Red Bedroom mix pretty much blaring in the office. It was a pathetic try to keep her awake. She was somewhere around the borders of sleep anyway. It was tough to keep eyes open and so she opted to close them. Just for a while, just to collect a little energy before getting to work.

All of a sudden she chuckled, eyes still closed. The song in the mix had turned to Haley's Quicksand, but what she heard wasn't quite the album version. A male's voice - little off key, but still soft enough to be surprisingly endearing - joined Haley's main vocals. It was actually a little bit like having backing vocals on top of the other tracks. Peyton hadn't heard that voice sing much, but she would still had recognized from anything. So she smiled and forced her eyes open to see Nathan hand in hand with Lydia walking towards her.

"You're surprisingly not THAT bad, Scott.." the laughter in Peyton's voice was waking her up nicely "But maybe you'll still want to leave singing to your wife.."

"Oh, hush, I can't help it if it's catchy.." Nathan shrugged and flashed one of those famous Scott-smirks.

"Not that I mind, but what brings you here? Haley is not here, you usually don't show up here unless to pick her up or something."

"Well, you don't come and hang out with me anymore now that you have Neeil" Nathan stretched the name to emphasize his dislike.

"What have you got against Neil?" Peyton asked surprised.

"I told you aunt Pey, daddy and uncle Lucas are jealous." Lydia butted in almost angry that her aunt asked when she had already told her.

"Well princess, it certainly sounds like you were right about your dad, but uncle Ludas has shown no signs of jealousy. And why would he even? It wouldn't make sense for him to be jealous." Peyton defended herself and got a little sidetracked thinking about Lucas.

Nathan let out an incredulous laugh, but knew better than to stir up the mess by confirming that his brother was most likely not only jealous but heartbroken because of Neil.

"I just.. You know, you used to come to me and we'd have fun, but ever since Neil showed up, you only hang out with him, the women or the kids. I miss you, Sawyer." Nathan said so sincerely Peyton felt like melting.

She just looked at him - so openly he could read the apology and love on her face. He smiled at her to say it's okay. Lydia however wasn't used to such silent communication. It was quite rare for Nathan and Peyton to be so sincere and quiet together. The silence also gave her good chance to get back to thinking why they came in the first place. She was so excited she couldn't stay still.

"Daddy, ask her already!" Lydia broke the spell of understanding. She was fidgeting and practically jumping.

Peyton turned her attention to her goddaughter and chuckled at the sight. "Come here, ballerina."

Obviously content about the offer, the little girl walked around Peyton's desk and climbed onto her godmother's lap. She flashed her a similar Scott-smirk Nathan had given as a thank you for the invitation. "Aunt Peyton, I'm not a ballerina anymore.. Rather call me Karen or Mama now.."

Both of the adults couldn't help but laugh. How could a kid be so serious and so mischievous at the same time and then say something so silly?

"Well, Nathan, what did Karen, meh, Mama, meh.. Can I just call you Lydia? It's such a pretty name." Peyton shifted her question from the father to the daughter. Gaining an approving nod she turned back to Nathan. "Nathan, what did Lydia want you to ask me?"

"CanIHaveASleepoverWithYou?" Lydia hurried to answer in her excitement. It just came so fast Nathan thought it best to answer the question, too. Chances were Peyton didn't catch it the first time. "Would you mind having a sleepover with Lydia?"

"Well, yeah, I'd love to." Peyton answered without hesitation and tickled the girl on her lap.

"Good. Because as you maybe could see, she's been kind of excited about the prospect." Nathan winked and laughed.

Lydia rolled her eyes at her father's little teasing and Peyton glared at him. "We will be having so much fun that it would be silly not to be excited.."

Lydia giggled. "Yeah, dad. We'll have fun!"

"Oh, did you have a specific time, when I get the girl?" Peyton suddenly realized that she was missing some important details.

"Well, we were hoping if Lydia could spend this weekend with you?" Nathan smiled sheepishly. He knew he had just extended the sleepover with quite a lot. He also knew it was a minor detail to Peyton. On the other hand, Lydia might have fallen to pieces with excitement had she known they were going to ask about a whole weekend.

Just as Nathan had anticipated, Lydia's eyes went wide and her whole body was shaking in excitement of the latest news. Peyton only slightly chuckled.

"I'm supposed to check out Neil's new band on Friday, but they are playing here at Tric, so if it's alright, we can just check out their soundcheck with Lydia and then I'll catch them live some time later."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds fun! I'm taking Haley to Charleston for some alone time and we should leave around three, but if it's too early I can see if Luke could take her for a while."

"No, don't you dare steal any of my time with her. I'll take all I can get with my favorite girl." Peyton squeezed Lydia a little bit to emphasize the point. "We'll have so much fun."

Lydia grinned so wide and happy at her godmother's words. Then she shot a challenging look at her father "Yeah, daddy we'll have so much fun, you wish that were with us, too, and not going to that place with mama."

Peyton bit her lip and didn't allow her chuckle to get audible. You could still see it from the way her body was shaking and the look on her face got slightly suffering.

Nathan on the other hand took the risk to laugh at his daughter a little bit. Actually it wasn't really laughing at, but laughing for her. It was unlikely that he'd end up wishing to spend the weekend with Lydia and Peyton when the other option was to spend it alone with his beautiful wife. However, it was moments like that, when his daughter was smiling and funny and happy that made his heart swell with pride and joy. "Alright, I'll take the risk. Your mama can be quite good company, too, though. Can't she?"

Lydia considered the question seriously. "Well, yeah. But me and aunt Pey are most fun!"

"I know you are, but you'll have to be most fun company for Ellen-baby tonight, miss, so we gotta get going." Nathan laughed it off.

"Ellen-baby as in Ellen Baker, my best friend's baby?" Peyton raised her eyebrows as Lydia jumped out of her lap ready to go.

"How many other Ellens do we know?" Lydia turned around her expression was scolding her aunt for asking such stupid question.

"Why is Ellen coming to yours? Is Brandon coming, too?" They had just met yesterday and Brooke had said nothing about this.

Lydia's face fell at the question. It confused Peyton all the more. She knew her goddaughter was great at "forgetting" things she didn't want to remember and reminding everyone of things she wanted everyone to remember. The newly formed pout was quite a clear sign of hitting a nerve.

"Lydia why don't you pick up that pencil case your mom left to the studio, we need to get going." Nathan suggested and as the girl was on her way, he continued to Peyton. "Brandon wanted to have a guys' night with Luke. It's a sensitive issue for the princess."

That surely explained Lydia's reaction, but Peyton was still confused. "Since when do Brandon and Lucas hang out?"

Nathan shrugged. "Luke and Julian have been making the movie together. I think he's helped Julian out with the kids a few times. From what I could gather they've become pretty great friends."

Peyton looked at him incredulously, but accepted the explanation. "My godson is the sweetest in the World, but that still doesn't sound like him. He's been so judgmental to Neil and so many other strangers."

Nathan shrugged as Lydia came back with Haley's pencil case just then. She hugged Peyton good bye and her and Nathan made their way towards the door. Before stepping out of the office he turned around to finish the conversation. "Brandon and Luke, maybe they've had something to bonded over.."

* * *

Lucas sat down on a black couch and sighed. This room was a little different from the therapists' they had visited with Lindsay, but it was still obviously enough a therapist's office that he couldn't help but think back on the reluctant attempts to solve their marriage.

"So, Lucas, could you tell me about what brings you here?" a red-headed therapist asked with a sophisticated British accent. He couldn't remember her name anymore, but maybe it didn't matter here.

"I'm at the end of a marriage that now feels quite meaningless. It was easy and boring and lacked all other meaning but that of our stubbornness and pride." He paused to see the therapist's reaction, but continued as that's all she seemed to signal. "My initial reaction to the separation was a relief. You know, that I can move on by myself, find meaning to life from the things I used to. But now I've discovered that I'm in love with someone."

"I think I've been in love with her for most of my life and that's just messed up. I'm in the middle of divorce. I've hurt her so badly for most of the time we've known each other. She deserves so much better than me, but I can't help it that I love her."

The therapist smiled, but let him continue without interfering.

"To answer your question. I came to here because I need help finding the best possible version of myself in me. I have to find out if maybe that version of me would even come to the radar of being good enough for her. And even if it doesn't, I want to be that man, rather than this shallow shell of myself. My best friend Haley suggested talking with you." Lucas added the last rather shyly. He realized how much he had spoken so soon.

The shrink just smiled "Yes, sometimes therapy can be good for finding and getting to know oneself better. You described that you are a shallow shell of yourself. Why do you think that?"

Lucas took a moment to think, it was actually a little hard to find the right words to explain. "I used to be a pretty great guy. Sometimes I might have felt a little lost, but my life had still had a sense of purpose and meaning and direction. I made plenty of mistakes, but I fought hard to make up for them. There was a lot of passion. I guess it all changed when Peyton turned down my proposal. Actually, when that happened I threw myself into editing my book and becoming the best version of myself to get her back."

Lucas chuckled dryly. Now that he had said it out loud, it felt so clear how in many ways this was very similar to that. It's just his try to win her back the last time hadn't turned out the way he had planned. That was the starting point of his current mess in many ways. Was he foolish to even try when the last similar occasion had not worked out?

"The passion ended, when I had invited Peyton to my book signing in L.A, but I never saw her there. I asked Lindsey for dinner that night. She was comfortable and stable. It felt exactly what I needed after all the passion and love backfiring to such deep hurt. Peyton came back a few years later and she wanted me." he paused.

"I was proud and hurt and I had created an easy, comfortable life with Lindsey. So I proposed to Lindsey to cover for the pain Peyton's return was causing. In the beginning of our marriage we were fine." He stopped to evaluate what he could tell the therapist. Was this even relevant, since he was not here for Lindsey.

"And then, what made it not so fine?" she asked. So he decided to just honestly explain, even if it was weird.

"Nothing really changed. Maybe that made it not so fine. It best showed with intimacy. Little by little I lost my desire for sex. Lindsey still wanted it and so I either turned her down or obliged. Neither option felt good. If we had had sex few times a week, by our first anniversary we had it once a month. That turned to only on important holidays." Lucas had never really spoken to anyone about it. It felt quite embarrassing, but by the looks of it the therapist didn't mind.

"Less and less holidays started to feel that important. By our fifth anniversary Lindsey didn't want it either and we got worried. We were married, something must have been wrong with us to not want to be together like that." Lucas paused, but then realized he needed to set the situation straight for her and rushed to continue. "We didn't have any other problems, though. We got along and didn't fight or anything."

She nodded "What did you do about the worry?"

"Lindsey suggested we'd see a therapist. We ended up seeing five. Not one of them could really help us, but our life was still easy so we stuck to our stubbornness and kept going. Until the last one accidentally made us realize that there wasn't any emotional connection either. Neither of us really found it in our hearts to want to continue together and it was over really fast. It did not take long after it was over with Lindsey for me to start realizing how much I still loved Peyton. Peyton is not mine to love anymore, though." Lucas sighed heavily. It was all out now. The whole long, painful and embarrassing story.

"Why do you make loving her sound so wrong? Shouldn't love be the most wonderful thing in the World?"

"Me loving Peyton has only ever caused the both of us trouble. I don't want that to her."

The therapist raised her eyebrows. "But you wouldn't mind trouble to yourself?"

"My life has been meaningless and easy for too long, I don't really mind trouble." she seemed content with the answer so Lucas didn't go over everything once again.

"I've read your book. Is Peyton the Peyton from the book?" Lucas nodded. "Did it go as you wrote it?"

"Yeah it did. I wrote it in my senior year while some of the last things were still happening." Lucas tried to hide the smile that crept to his face, when he remembered Peyton tried to "affect the story" of the book by suggesting things to do as the book would need them.

"Wasn't it your love then that made you save Peyton from that library?" the therapist asked gently, but her question still got Lucas to stop all other thoughts.

He thought for an answer for a while. "Yeah, but we were just friends then."

"And what are you now?"

Lucas didn't have to hide the new smile. Had he tried to hide it it would not have worked because the smile lit up his whole face. His love for Peyton didn't only ruin her life, it had also saved her once. "We're friends."

Neither said anything for a while. They just smiled at Lucas's discovery.

* * *

Neil was a suit when he came to pick up Peyton from Red Bedroom. Granted, it was quite relaxed and he didn't have a tie, but Peyton still felt somewhat underdressed in her worn jeans. She finished tidying her desk and then looked at him shyly.

"Where are we going? I feel I missed the dress code instructions."

Neil smiled at her admiringly. "Not really. You look perfect."

She shrugged in disbelief but grabbed her purse and did not press the issue again until they were in Neil's car and he was driving to the opposite direction than their usual Wilmington route.

"So you're taking me further from home, you're all dressed up and you don't really tell what's going on? That doesn't sound low key, spontaneous and worn jeans to me."

Neil chuckled before saying anything. "It's all a coincidence, really. The very low key and spontaneous date place is simply on the other side of town and I'm coming straight from a suit-kind-of important meeting and only had the time to get rid of the tie."

Peyton didn't push it anymore they just continued their usual light banter for the remaining five minutes of the drive. Neil parked outside the mall and hurried to open the door for Peyton. It felt nice. Neil's undeniable charm and the way he treated her made her feel special. Last night she had thought it may be time to call the dating with Neil off and get back to being just friends. Moments like this, though, made her want to believe it was just too early.

Neil took her hand to his and they walked inside. He took her bowling and it was fun and low key just as he promised. Neil made up ridiculous jokes and dances to distract Peyton when it was her turn. For the hour and half when they were bowling Peyton got the worst points she ever had, but she also laughed more than she had in a very long time. For the hour and half it was as if the whole World consisted of just the two of them having fun. No worries, no loneliness, no failed dreams or uncertainty of the future.

"I can't believe you averaged 28 points in a game tonight. That's bad." Neil laughed and placed his arm around Peyton's shoulders as they walked out.

Peyton laughed and leaned into his embrace "I'm actually good at bowling. Tonight was simply your fault. You distracted me. Where are we off to now?"

"Well I've heard the way your stomach has been growling. Now we eat." Neil stuck his tongue out and guided them towards an Italian restaurant.

The restaurant had glass walls to the mall's main hall. A little girl that Peyton guessed to be about two years old was standing alone right outside the restaurant where they were eating. It caught Peyton's attention. What was a girl that small doing by herself?

Neil's chatter faded to the background as she focused on figuring whether she should go check on the girl. Peyton could see the little one's face now. She was clearly lost and worried. A nice looking woman came to the girl just when Peyton as raising from the chair. She sat back down just to see better what was happening.

"Peyton? What's going on?" she heard Neil ask, but to not lose focus she just raised her finger to her lips and did not even glance at her. "Peyton what the heck is it? Answer me."

Still keeping her eyes on the woman and the girl she finally replied "That little girl is lost and looks like the woman isn't her mom but someone just helping her find the mom. Maybe I should go help, too."

Neil turned to look at the situation outside as well and let out a little scoff. The girl was calm and woman clearly had it under control. "Our food just arrived. If you go there it'll get cold. There isn't anything you could do anyway, she's already handling it. Let's just get back to enjoying our date."

Peyton knew Neil was right about the food getting cold and that the girl was clearly already being helped. But how on earth was she supposed to be 'enjoying a date' if there was a little girl lost from her mom right outside? She continued eating as he had ordered, but she kept her eyes fixed at the girl and stayed ready to get up and go to her if the situation changed.

She was way past half way though her pasta, when the woman with the girl took the girl to her arms and seemed to be starting to move. That was it.

"I'll go see what's going on." Peyton explained, but didn't wait for Neil's reply. She was out of the restaurant by the time Neil put her fork down.

Outside the restaurant Peyton calmed down a little, slowed her steps and took a couple of deep breaths. The last thing she needed was to scare the girl.

The closer she got the more calm she made herself to appear and the warmer smile she put on her face. "Hey, it looked from the restaurant like you are trying to find the girl's mother? Is there anything I can do to help?"

The woman smiled at her warmly. "Thanks. They should make an announcement about her in a minute."

Peyton nodded and tagged along making some awkward small talk to both the girl and the woman still holding her. In five minutes Neil walked out of the restaurant, towards the two women and the girl. Peyton noticed him, but didn't keep her attention on him as a worried scream came to her ears from the opposite direction.

"Baby girl! There you are!" a woman in her forties ran towards them with a four-year-old right by her. The little lost girl's face lit up. There was no doubt she was the girl's mother. By the time Neil got to Peyton the mother hugged the little girl tight and a few tears fell down on her cheek.

Peyton's eyes were also wet. They just stood there in silence. Watching the relief of the reunion. Eventually the mother loosened her embrace a little. Just enough to turn to Peyton and that other woman.

"You must think I'm a terrible mother to lose my child like that. Honestly, I don't know what happened. One minute she was there right by my side and the next she had disappeared." she tried explaining.

The other woman was still at loss with words so Peyton spoke up. "We don't think that.. We are just glad you found each other." And she really meant it. She could remember what it was like to lose Jenny back in High School. This wasn't as tragic, but it still must have been hard enough.

They all went their own ways and Peyton and Neil walked to his car.

"See, it all turned out just fine.. They didn't even need you in the end." Neil tried to comfort Peyton who was clearly still a little shocked. She didn't reply until they were seated in his car.

Peyton stopped Neil from starting the car by placing her hand over the keys. "We need to talk."

Neil sighed. The evening hadn't gone as he had hoped. She hadn't WANTED to talk when they were at the restaurant and now she said they NEEDED to talk. This was not going to be good.

"We need to go back to being just friends, Neil." Peyton went straight into the matter when he didn't say anything.

Neil showed no sign or responding. "It's just.. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you. We make great friends and we have a lot of fun. But especially considering our history I just don't want to lead you on. At this point I want a relationship that has all the potential in leading to marriage and forever. Our relationship just doesn't feel like what I look for a future marriage."

Neil was still quiet and Peyton cursed herself for rambling so badly. Did he even get what she was saying?

"This may be completely masochistic, but can I ask what it is you look for then?"

"It's important to have fun. But I think it's even more important to be able to go through tough times together. We have had many opportunities to get serious yet we never really have done that. And my future husband needs to get along well with Lydia and Brandon."

"Kids that age make up their minds as they please and you're punishing me now for their stubbornness and haste judgement?" Neil came out a little more aggressive and frustrated than he had intended to. Took a deep breath and continued more softly. "I would have been great with our kids, if that's what you were really thinking. I would have liked them and they'd have liked me."

"I know that. But Brandon and Lydia are already like my own kids. I don't think I could love them any more if they called me mom in stead of an aunt. You if anyone should know that I'd do anything for those kids. Let's face it, if we were to continue the relationship, it would turn out a problem between us."

Neil sighed but nodded in agreement. He started the car and began to drive them to Wilmington.

For a few minutes they were both quiet. When Peyton spoke up again her voice was soft, vulnerable even. "Neil..?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we going to be alright? Can we still work together and be friends like we have been?"

Neil sighed again. His voice was somber but it wasn't angry. "That was the deal, right? Of course we can."

Peyton smiled at him and they drove on in serious but comfortable silence.

Driving past a yellow house Peyton watched as a blonde haired man sat on the front porch with a four-year-old boy. Both of them had big mugs of something hot in their hands. It was only a short moment until they had driven past the house, but Peyton still saw they were both smiling.

"Uncle Lucas, why was Aunt P with that man there? I think he's no good." Brandon asked and took a sip of his hot chocolate. He got some foam to his nose.

"Why do you think he's no good? Your aunt Peyton seems to like him." Lucas asked interested. He could already feel himself getting worried.

"He doesn't even listen to Foo Fighters.." Lucas chuckled at his answer.

"You know, I bet your daddy doesn't listen to Foo Fighters either and he's still a good guy." Brandon smiled and nodded.

"I still don't like him very much.." the boy confessed. "Why can't you just marry aunt Peyton? You'd be so much better.."

* * *

**A/N: **So here it was.. What do you think? The next chapter is likely to jump to the weekend and Lydia and Peyton's sleepover. All requests of what you want to from that or anything else are much appreciated and will be taken into account. :)


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hi! I hope you're still out there, because I've missed you. I'm SO sorry I haven't updated before. It's been so hard to write lately. Actually both creatively and physically, but I guess creatively is the bigger reason. Anyway, here's finally something. I'm not completely happy with it. I was hoping to write more, but if I kept this any longer I'd never get it to you guys so I broke my plans down to smaller pieces and this is sort of the bridge to what happens over the weekend.**

* * *

Monday

The following morning Peyton knocked on the Bakers' front door. No one seemed to answer but since the door wasn't locked she stepped inside anyway. There was a dark blue blanket spread in the middle of the living room floor. There were still some leftovers from what must have been a romantic dinner and And the whole room was decorated with gerberas - Brooke's favorite flowers.

Seeing it all Peyton took two steps back towards the door. Brooke and Julian had clearly had some private time last night and she was not supposed to be there.

"Don't even think about it !" Brooke's commanding voice stopped her before she could make it all the way back to the door. Peyton turned to look at her best friend who was wearing just her dressing gown.

"Looks like you had a nice one-on-one date with the hubby last night.." Peyton smiled. "I really don't want to bother.." she stepped backwards a little.

"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. You are my best friend. You don't bother me.." Brooke stopped her again. "Besides, part of Julian's plan was to give me some peaceful time this morning so Brandon will go to work with him today and Haley is having Ellen for all day. Come sit down. I can't think of anything I'd like more than to use this 'peaceful time' painting my toenails with you."

Peyton nodded and made her way to the couches while Brooke picked up her nail stuff.

"Pick a color." Brooke instructed as she joined Peyton. Peyton pointed at a black one causing Brooke to roll her eyes. "Some things will keep you forever in your teenage."

"So, how was the date?" they said at the same time and then bursted to laughter.

"We already started about you, so just continue. It's probably more fun anyway." Peyton decided.

Brooke raised her eyebrows at her, but then let it go. Peyton could see how she melted as she moved on to think about the night before.

"Wasn't it just last time we talked, when I whined we hadn't had a one-on-one date since Ellen was born? Well, yesterday Julian came home from work really early." Brooke smiled blissfully. "He was really mysterious. He kissed me like he always does when he comes home, but then he just went to the bedrooms and didn't really say anything. A while later he came back with a two back-bags, one for Brandon and one for Ellen. He told me to get the kids to the car and take Ellen to Naley's and Brandon to Lucas."

Brooke paused for a moment to highlight the wonderful part coming up. "In the meanwhile he had set up the most delicious gourmet picnic, lit up the whole living room with candles and decorated it with flowers." Brooke pointed with her hands how the room was still decorated as it had been. "Gah! It was so perfect. We enjoyed the silence of not having the kids around and we flirted and he rubbed my feet and then things escalated. It reminded me of the times when we were going out. The passion and the playfulness and the possibility to be spontaneous.."

"Uh, no more details please!" Peyton raised her hand up to the aird, but smiled. "I love you Brooke and I'm so happy about your happiness. You are my best friend and you deserve it. But you gotta remember that I'm an old spinster. Marital bliss isn't exactly my expertise."

"Peyton! You aren't old. And spinster? You are 29 and way too hot to be called a spinster!"

Peyton rolled her eyes. "I think being this screwed up balances for everything else.."

"Okay, so what happened on Your Date? Sounds like it didn't go so well."

"I ended the trial. I know, who am I to turn down the only man who has actually wanted to be with me since I turned 21?" Brooke looked at her sternly. She didn't have to say it out loud to let Peyton know she had to stop the nonsense.

"A part of me is relieved. I don't really miss being his girlfriend. I don't even miss the idea. If I ever even had a very serious idea about it when it came to him. He's an awesome friend, but.." Peyton didn't finish the sentence, but continued in flow. "Then the part of me thinks that I just turned down the only man who wanted me. That I just sealed my pre-existing sentence to loneliness for life."

"Peyton.." Brooke basically whimpered. It hurt to see her amazing best friend thinking so little of herself. "That won't.."

But Peyton shot up from the couch surprising herself, too, how she exploded to her best friend "You know, you have no right to finish that sentence! Whatever stupid reassuring lines you were going to feed me, don't you dare finish them until you can say you're almost 30 years old, practically the only one among your friends without a family and it it has been YEARS that way. So unless you can say you know even something about what it's like, don't come talking to me about it like you'd actually know." With that she stomped out of the house, into her Comet and drove away leaving Brooke to sit on her couch and take it all in.

Brooke's hand played with her beautiful wedding band while her mind feverishly trying to find a way to make everything better for her best friend. Had she been naive to think for a while that they would just start gushing about the future or at least book a break-up recovery evening with a loads of ice cream and chocolate and some always needed girly time? Maybe.

The truth was Brooke obviously couldn't say she had experience in Peyton's current feelings. She had the most wonderful husband and two amazing kids. Although there had been times when she had been "the lonely one" in the group, she had already been married for the last five years. Brooke hadn't had Naley-timing, but she had still been younger than maybe most people. However, she also knew that in this day and age, Peyton wasn't by any means late to the party yet.

Her best friend was a smart, beautiful and successful woman with an amazing heart. Peyton would be wanted and loved and get everything she ever wanted. Brooke had no doubt about it. She search for her cell phone and event typed the message. "I'm sorry P. I know I don't know. But I still do know that that when everything is just right, you will be a wife to someone amazing and a mother of a bunch of awesome kids. I have no doubt about that."

She didn't send the message. It wouldn't have done any good. As she erased the text she thought about what her best friend would need to get what she wanted so bad.

Peyton just needed to find someone she wanted to share all that with. In a way Neil had been too safe. He could make her laugh, but that was just too shallow. Who could break down the walls she had built up? Who could be the one to receive and give such fierce and powerful love Peyton deserved and clearly wanted, too?

Brooke sighed. She knew the history. She knew there was one man who could bring up that Peyton. She hoped to God there were others, too. But so far she had only seen one man to make Peyton live life to the fullest. The passion and the will power just multiplied when Lucas was around. Whether they were "just friends" or a couple.

So hesitantly she chose Haley to receive her text message and wrote: "_I'm still extremely cautious of your best friend's love for my best friend. But if you are helping him to win her back, I want to be there, too. Team Leyton as long as it's Team Peyton._"

Brooke hit send. She knew Haley was over the moon about the obvious fact that Lucas still loved Peyton. She also had to admit he had been nicely humble about himself lately. It had been darn good speech he had given to Brooke about not being good enough for Peyton. She still agreed, but the desperate, pitiable best friend she had talked to this morning was not okay. If he could help bring some life into Peyton, it might make up for the fact he was Lucas Scott.

Brooke's phone beeped. 1 new message from Haley.

"_Uh! Great! Mia is out of town until next week, but then we need to meet up and talk! I'm so happy for your blessing._"

Brooke replied right away.

"_This is NOT yet a full blessing to the cause! Next week works. Why Mia?_"

They could take things slow, right? Evaluate whether broody could be worthy of Peyton again.. Then again it was Lucas and Peyton. Could they really take it slow?

Haley's reply paused Brooke's thinking. "_Oh trust me, we'll need Mia in this one._"

* * *

Friday

"Aunt Pey! What's this?" Lydia had just arrived to Red Bedroom office. She jumped to the chair behind Peyton's desk and looked at the computer screen. Peyton followed her goddaughter to her desk.

"That my friend, is Facebook." Peyton reached for the mouse to close the window, but the five-year-old was quicker and blocked her way to the mouse.

"What's that? Isn't that mama's picture?" Lydia was intrigued.

"Yeah it is. When you're over 13 years old you can put up a profile and talk with your friends there. Your mama just wrote there that she's excited to be driving to Charleston with your daddy." Peyton explained and closed the browser.

"But we should have talked to someone. Isn't that what we're supposed to do there?"

"Well right now we're supposed to go check out that band so we can drive to Wilmington and get started with the girls' weekend." Peyton sighed. She was feeling somehow really weak all of a sudden.

Lydia accepted. They closed the office and went to listen to the soundcheck at Tric's side. The wave of weakness had still not subsided and so Peyton was extremely happy there were a few couches at Tric.

Lydia on the other hand wasn't as happy with the circumstances. She had accepted it when Peyton said they needed to leave the office and the interesting social media applications. But unlike Brandon, Lydia didn't enjoy just sitting still and listening to a random band play. Even if she loved the company of her favorite aunt, hanging out like that wasn't socially fulfilling enough.

"Aunt Pey, I'm bored."

Peyton offered her coloring books and few other easily accessible activities, but it wasn't quite fun enough, when the visions of facebook and talking to her favorite people were still so clear on her mind.

"I wanna talk with someone."

"I'm sorry honey, I have to listen to this band a little bit, but I promise we can talk when we're driving to Wilmington. Won't be long anymore." Peyton was surprised how nicely she said it. She was feeling extremely tired and an unhappy five-year-old was really not what she needed to get the energy back.

"Well can I call someone then?" Lydia flashed her best Scott-smirk. She knew Peyton couldn't refuse it.

"Who do you want to call? Brandon?"

"Nooo." Lydia smiled sweetly. "I wanna call uncle Lucas? Do you have his number?"

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter will continue with Peyton&Lydia's weekend. Maybe Lucas will be part of it somehow, too.. Should he? Why would Haley and Brooke need Mia? A review would help help me get motivated again.. I'll do my very best to get back on track with writing and updating again. But considering the last half a year I can't promise more than my best effort to try and beat the obstacles.**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N:** My sincerest apologies for the delay. Your amazing support makes me want to give you an update every week even. However it's been tough to find the time to write and equally tough to find the words to write. In the lack of words, I've managed to neglect also replying to your reviews. That's all my fault and none of yours. They've kept me going even if it hasn't looked like it. I got such awesome inspiring messages that I'm extremely humbled and thankful for them.

THANK YOU! I've missed you all..

I hope you'll enjoy this chapter 15! It's dedicated to three people especially: **WATCHMEWATCHYOUWATCHME** (seriously scary nick, btw..) for signing up on Fanfiction to tell me you love this story. You did motivate me, sorry it STILL took so long. **Lexie-Rae** for posting a new chapter of Trinity. I FINALLY got through this chapter by not allowing myself to read it before I got this published. And also for the encouragement to keep trying. These last two happened pretty much at the same time and I'm extremely thankful for the push to get here.

**Disclaimer:** You know I don't own anything.. (Even the baby Lydia in Season 9 looks so cute she might very well be a toddler version of THIS Lydia)

* * *

Later in the evening

"..Guess what Uncle Lucas taught me on the phone, while you were watching that band?" Lydia's eyes shone in excitement. She had been talking without a break the whole drive from Tree Hill to Wilmington. Half of the babbling had been about her excitement for the weekend and the other about Uncle Lucas.

Lucas had been sweet enough to entertain his niece on the phone for over an hour. "He taught me to spell! Mama said that she loved spelling, when she went to school. I was wondering to Uncle Lucas, if I could be good at, too. Uncle Lucas said that I could and then he taught me! And guess what Aunt Pey? Uncle Lucas was right! I am good!"

Peyton smiled at her goddaughter and parked the car on her driveway. She still wasn't feeling well, but she was happy she had been able to drive them home safely.

"Lydia spells L - that's Lydia's letter.." the girl drew an L to air. She was so excited she didn't seem to have recognized the car had stopped and her aunt was rising from the car. By the time Peyton reached her door and got to unbuckling her, Lydia had finished explaining how to spell and write her own name and had moved on to Uncle Luke. ".. U - that's the letter that looks like a cup or a hole or a really steep pool. K - which looks like way too far opened scissors and E - which is like a not-so-good comb. That's L-U-K-E Luke"

Lydia hopped out of the car and then turned to Peyton. "Now we were just about to start your name, when you said we had to go." It was hard to tell whether she was blaming Peyton for the distraction or apologizing for not knowing how to write her name yet. Knowing Lydia it was probably a little bit of both.

They made their way inside and the second Lydia stepped through Peyton's front door, it seemed that Uncle Lucas was completely forgotten. "We have to watch a movie, Aunt Pey!"

"What makes you think that?" Peyton asked and then kicked herself for asking. After all, with the way she was feeling cuddling up on a couch and watching a movie would be the best possible activity to make it through the night.

Lydia was already by Peyton's DVD collections, but turned around and gave her the look that it was simply inexcusably stupid question. "We're having a girl's night. That's what you're supposed to do. Do you have any junk food?"

Peyton sat down to rest on the couch and chuckled. "Where did you learn that from?"

"Aunt Brooke." Of course.

Lydia knew which movies were suitable for her. There was a special 'Lydia-shelf', where Peyton had collected things especially for her. She chose Enchanted and Peyton got them glasses of milk and a few cookies.

* * *

"I'm a little tired already aunt Pey, where will I sleep tonight?" Lydia turned to her aunt, when the end credits started rolling.

Peyton mumbled something and moved in her spot like trying to find a better position. Lydia could see her aunt was asleep, but what really startled the little girl was that the grimace on Peyton's face made it clear she was in pain.

"Aunt Pey!" Lydia said with a slightly higher voice trying to calm herself down. She touched her aunt's face softly - the way her godmother whimpered in her sleep made the little girl not dare to touch any stronger. Peyton did not wake up, but the five-year-old could feel her burning up.

Lydia ran her little fingers through her hair trying to figure out what to do. What would Jamie do now? Panic began to arise in her and as first tears formed in her blue eyes she finally got it.

Telling herself to be a big girl and calm down she ran to Peyton's purse and found her cell phone there. Address book, Lu-.. in her mind she was ahead of herself and a few tears fell down her cheeks as she thought of how Uncle Lucas had taught her to spell Luke, but his real name was Lucas. What if she wouldn't find him on the phone? Why couldn't she have come up with the idea to start practicing letters better already earlier?

Another set of tears released as she found Uncle Luke's number on the phone simply as Luke and no other Lu- starting names to confuse her. She could hear Peyton whimpering on the couch.. She quickly called the number and held her breath waiting for her uncle to pick it up.

"Hey blondie" Lucas answered with a bright, smiling voice.

"Uncle Luke.." Lydia was overcome by so many emotions that her voice, too, sounded like a whimper. Then the panic kicked in again. She rambled on very confusingly about Aunt Pey and couch and movie and princess and sick and pain and sleeping and doctor a bunch of other things Lucas couldn't register. He only knew his little niece was in panic and something seemed to be wrong with Peyton.

Lydia was still crying and trying to explain what was going on when he was out of the door in a record time. Not even bothering to turn off lights he just ran straight to his mustang and started driving towards Wilmington.

"Okay, honey. Calm down. I'm on my way there to help you. Everything's going to be alright." Lucas calmed his niece down and silently prayed he wasn't promising her too much. "I'll be here on the phone all the time until I'm there with you. Now can you do something for me?"

Lydia nodded. And Lucas answered the silence with his instructions.

"I'll be here on the phone, but could you please go look at your aunt Peyton." Lydia walked back to the couch, but still did not verbally answer him. "Now is aunt Peyton breathing alright?"

Lucas could hear that the girl was bending over her aunt now. Peyton's breathing was heavy and she was whimpering. As much as he was relieved she was clearly alive, Lucas hated the sound of her agony. No wonder the little girl was in panic.

"Lydia, listen to me: sounds like your aunt Peyton is in a lot of pain right now, but is still going to be alright. You can try to wake her up so that you don't have to be alone. I'll be there in 10 minutes to take care of you both." Lucas instructed as calmly as he could.

By her uncle's encouragement Lydia had managed to wake Peyton up. She had been shocked how she had caused such distress to her little princess, she just didn't have enough strength to blame herself for the neglect yet. However, together they managed to get to Peyton's kitchen and get Peyton an ibuprofen to lower the obviously high fever causing the weakness and ease the pain.

Then they crawled back to the couch. Lydia found her aunt an extra fleece blanket and joined her on the couch.

"It's okay aunt Pey, uncle Lucas says you're gonna be alright." she whispered to her aunt earning a weak smile from the sick woman. The 5-year-old had calmed down and gained bravery from having her aunt awake again. "My mama always sings to me when I'm not well. It makes me feel better."

And so she pressed against her aunt's burning hot side, caressed her hand and began to sing one of her mom's biggest hits with her soft child's voice:

"...Come to me

..First one waiting

..Last to leave

Promise ... come to me

...Anything

... Everything you need"

Her singing was so soft, it was hardly audible at times and it was missing half of the lyrics, but to Peyton it sounded like a choir of angels had come straight from heaven to make her feel better in the high fever. She smiled and whispered. "I'm so sorry princess. I love you."

"I love you, too, aunt Pey." the little girl smiled as well and snuggled even closer to her godmother.

* * *

5 am. Peyton opened her eyes to realize she was in her own bed and not in the living room she had her last recollections from. Lydia! Where was she now? Had she managed to neglect and traumatize her dearest goddaughter twice in less than 24 hours? She still felt weak and worn off and her throat was aching, but it was much better than last night. She felt so relieved when she turned to her side and noticed the princess lying there next to her - peacefully sleeping.

Peyton slipped quietly out of her bed and made her way to the kitchen to put the kettle on. She had possibly few hours to get herself cured and avoid making Lydia go through last night all over again.

"Hey, you're up. How are you feeling?" she jumped hearing a sleepy male voice from behind her.

"Luke.. God, you scared me. What are you doing here?" Peyton panted.

"Lydia called me last night. She was so worried about you that I thought it best to drive here to help out. I'm sorry I just rudely let myself in. I knew chances were that you'd be really sick and Lydia wasn't allowed to open the door, so I found your spare key from a similar plant you used to hide it at in High School." Lucas noticed he had begun to ramble and looked at his feet slightly embarrassed.

"It's okay." Peyton smiled at him. Then the guilt and worry hit her again. "God, you must think I'm a terrible godmother.. So irresponsible.. Putting Lydia through that last night.."

She was about to go on but Lucas raised his hand signaling her to stop. The kettle whistled telling that the water was ready. She took it poured some into a mug Lydia had given her the Christmas she was 3 years old. It was one of those mugs you got to draw on with special porcelain colors. The 3-year-old's drawing was hard to figure out. But Haley had typed an explanation to the bottom. It said 'Me and aunt Pey. When I grow up I wanna be just like aunt Pey.'

"Peyton, I don't think you're a terrible godmother. And the mug in your hands is a great proof that neither does Lydia. Considering I spoke to you just few hours earlier, I know your fever rose to really high so suddenly that it must have just taken your body by surprise. You couldn't have known. I'm just glad that you're alright. Lydia will be fine, too."

"Luke.." Peyton challenged. She did not believe him. He was taking it way too lightly.

"Look, I hope to God I'll never get a phone call like that again. Lydia was in such a shock I could hardly understand what was going on. And I was scared" He pressed the word 'I'. "I was already out of Tree Hill by the time I got confirmation that you weren't in fact dead. God, that was one of the worst half-hours of my life. And maybe you could have prevented some of the horror, but you didn't know it would turn out that way. It could have happened to anyone."

Peyton breathed in the steam rising from her mug and just let his words sink in.

"Don't wallow in self-blame. There's a 5-year-old little girl sleeping peacefully in your bed. She's fine and she will be fine. You just take care of yourself so that she'll get to have fun with her favorite aunt soon again." Lucas stepped a little closer to test her forehead and retreated back to his original place. "You're still in fever. Get back to bed, Peyt. You'll still have few hours before she wakes up." he instructed and walked back to her living room.

* * *

Lydia woke up at 8 am alone in her godmother's bed. She opened her blue eyes and looked around the room as if to figure out where she was. She heard sounds from the kitchen, like someone was making breakfast. A smile lit up on her face and she jumped up and ran straight into the kitchen.

"Oh." she stopped at the door, disappointed to see her Uncle Lucas there instead of her aunt Peyton.

"Well, good morning to you, too, princess. Is that any way to greet an uncle who made you waffles." Lucas chuckled.

"I'm sorry Uncle Lucas. I just wished aunt Peyton would have been here."

"I know sweetie. Come here." Lucas sat down on Peyton's kitchen chair and took Lydia to his lap. "Aunt Peyton is doing her best to get well and back to playing with you soon, so she's asleep now."

Lydia nodded sadly and pressed her head against her uncle's chest.

"I'm really glad you're here Uncle Lucas" she whispered.

They just sat there for a moment until a smile started forming on Lucas's face. As the smile grew into a grin, his fingers started tickling the melancholic little girl. Soon they were both laughing.

"I'll tell you what. Let's put our waffles in bowls this time and make aunt Peyton a plate of fruit. She needs vitamins to get better. Then we can go wake up aunt Pey for a little bit and eat our breakfast in her guest room. I bet she'll let you eat in the bed with her."

"YES!" Lydia shouted so loud it was bound to wake up Peyton. She jumped to her feet as if to get started, but then stopped and turned around to wait for orders how to make that great plan happen.

A few minutes later when they were finishing up the breakfast preparations, Peyton shambled into the kitchen. She rubbed her eyes and smiled at the view in front of her.

Lydia had an open syrup jug in her hands and she was waiting for Lucas to finish cutting a hot waffle and put the smaller pieces into two bowls in front of them. There was something wonderfully honest and true in the the way the 5-year-old poured syrup on the waffles. She didn't care about calories or modesty but kept pouring until the waffle pieces were basically swimming in the syrup and Lucas told her it was enough. Lydia chuckled lightly. She was clearly very pleased with her bowl of waffles in syrup.

Lydia turned around and saw her godmother standing by the kitchen door smiling at her. "No! Go back to bed! You are not supposed to be up yet!"

Peyton was about to protest, but the little girl was already pushing her out the door so she opted to just follow the instructions. She was feeling better than the night before, but still quite weak. Her own soft bed with a few extra pillows felt like a really appealing idea.

The bed felt better than she had even dreamed. Maybe it was the slightly oversensitive state she was in, but she only now realized that there can be a big difference in comfortability between her guest room's cotton linens and her own bed's satin ones. She had switched over to the guest room at night to protect Lydia from her illness. But now that the little girl was awake, she could switch back over to the bedroom.

It had been too long since Peyton had last celebrated Mother's day. But the way Lydia and Lucas marched proudly to her bedroom with a tray full of breakfast was just as good as she had imagined Mother's day mornings to be. Lucas helped Lydia onto the bed and handed Peyton a bowl of fruits and Lydia her syrup-waffle bowl. He placed a big mug of steaming hot tea to the night stand next to Peyton and Lydia's grape juice to the other side and finally sat down on a chair by the bed to eat his own waffles.

They ate in silence for a while. Lucas didn't know what to say - Lydia was so enchanted by the amount of syrup she got to have and too worried it'd be taken from her if she spoke up about it too early. And Peyton - she wanted to savour the moment, pretend for a while that this was her life rather than the one that was really hers and still awaited for her when Lucas and Lydia would leave for Tree Hill after the breakfast.

"I'm so sorry baby that I had to get sick and ruin our weekend." Peyton apologized to her goddaughter. "Maybe it'd be best if you spent the rest of the weekend in Tree Hill with your uncle Lucas. You could actually have fun."

"No way!" Lydia protested so passionately she was almost yelling at her aunt.

"You know I'd want nothing more than to do all kinds of fun things with you this weekend. But I'm still not feeling well. I will have to take it quite easy this weekend to get better. It will be boring for you here."

Lydia added intensity to her pout. If the girl wasn't so cute, she'd have looked a little scary with her angry, frustrated face.

"No, I don't want to go to Tree Hill. I wanna be with you!" She exclaimed quite frantically. Then she continued with a much calmer but extremely persuasive voice. "If I go, it will be your fault if I never reach my potential."

"Reached your potential? Where'd you even pick up that one? And how come I'll do that to you?" Peyton asked not knowing whether it was appropriate to laugh, but the girl was just so darn cute.

"Everyone says that. I've heard daddy and Jamie talk about it and Uncle Lucas said it when I was watching Ravens practice. And you and mama when you were talking about the demos." both adults smiled at her. "I didn't know what y'all meant, but I asked Jamie and he said it's getting to be the best you can. SO if I don't get to stay with you I won't ever be the best."

"Okay. But why would that be?" Peyton noticed Lucas had backed out of the argument so the discussion had to be handled between the girls.

"'Cause I may want to become a doctor or a nurse or someone else who helps take care of sick people and mama always said that it takes a lot of practice to become the best." Darn that girl was too smart and persuasive for her own good.

Peyton looked to Lucas for help, but he just raised his hands slightly and smiled.

"Oh, honey you'll have plenty of time to practice. I just don't want you to get sick with what I've got or ruin your weekend by letting you get bored here."

"Good. It's settled then" Lydia smiled and hit her hands together as if to seal the deal.

Lucas swore she had copied her energetic and decisive being straight from some moment where Peyton had been negotiating with a band and she had been following it all closely. It was hard to say no to Peyton when she was in her full professional mode. A quick glance at the blonde woman and Lucas knew she had just been out-negotiated by a 5-year-old. Peyton was speechless she only raised her eyebrows questioningly, but there was no way she'd have the energy to win the argument.

"See, I don't wanna get bored, too. So I should be here. I love you and I love uncle Luke. We can just have a fun weekend in your bed so you can take it easy."

Peyton didn't know what to say. She did know that her goddaughter was a people person.. It didn't matter to her so much where she was or what she was doing. She cared most of all about the company she was in.

She just really didn't want to keep Lucas from his life, but judging by last night she didn't want to stay alone with Lydia while she was still feeling so weak. In Tree Hill Lucas could at least be in his own home, get some other friends to babysit better..

She could call Nathan and Haley and have them come back home. But they really deserved weekend away. Haley was pregnant again and who knows how long it might take until they had another chance for something like this weekend.

"Lydia, dear, Could you practice your healing powers and bring aunt Peyton an orange from the kitchen? C-vitamin is very important in recovery." Lucas asked to get Lydia off the case for a moment.

The girl was out of the room in a few seconds.

"I'll take her to Tree Hill if it'll make it easier for you to recover. But if you don't mind or would rather not be alone, let us stay here and take care of you." He didn't waste any time after the girl was out of the door.

"I don't need taking care of. This is about you and your health and comfortability." Peyton avoided a direct answer.

"I know you can survive on your own. But you should allow yourself the luxury of being taken care of. Now's a good chance for that." Lucas answered her softly.

They just looked at each other for a moment. Both evaluating and considering each other's motives and the whole situation.

"You're not really coughing or sneezing. Chances are we've either already gotten your cold or we won't get it at all. And as for the comfortability. I can speak for myself and her both, when I say that we'll be more comfortable with you so we know how you are and can spend the weekend in your company than we'd be in Tree Hill trying desperately come up with something to do and wondering how you are."

Peyton sighed. Looking deep into his eyes she could see he was sincere. All of a sudden she felt extra-hazy. She told herself she was simply too sick to interpret it as anything other than her bad-luck cold. It still felt so nice he cared. The way he looked at her made her heart beat faster and her whole being feel weaker, but it also felt so good - so healing - that she couldn't mind the poor physical state as much.

"I picked the biggest orange you had aunt Pey. So you can get a LOT of Sea-Vitalins and heal Really fast." Lydia came back running and proudly introduced the fruit to her aunt.

"Thanks baby." Peyton smiled tiredly. It felt nice how the little girl cared about her as well. Maybe it was alright to not be so alone for a few days. "Go pick a movie. If your uncle Lucas is alright with staying, you are both invited to a lazy weekend in Wilmington."

Lydia looked at her uncle pleadingly. He smiled at her. For him it was a no-brainer. Going back to an empty house and think about the horror he had experience the night before. He could visit all his regrets and favorite might-have-beens. Or he could spend a weekend in Wilmington basking in the bliss that Peyton was still very much alive and he could DO Something to make her feel better.

He had loved her more than half of his life and most of the time unfortunately sucked at it. Rare were the occasions he been even close to reaching his potential in loving her. But no more. She was still alive and though he hadn't felt that way in a while, so was he. From this day on he'd practice loving her the way she deserved to be loved. This weekend would be the weekend he got his life back. It would be the first weekend of the rest of his life.

From this day on he would not wallow in self-pity thinking of all the wrong turns he had taken. He would learn to be the kind of man Keith had taught him to be. Strong enough to stand through hardships without running away. Strong enought to love a woman who might even be falling in love with someone else. He'd be there for her like Keith had been there for Karen. No more running - he would learn to love her the best he could and stop thinking what it meant for himself.

Looking at her resting her eyes with an adoring 5-year-old cuddled up to her side he finally realized that maybe loving her didn't just mean pain and frustration. Maybe loving her would mean finding his integrity. Maybe loving her would be much better than what he had been so scared of.

She looked so beautiful lying there - even if her hair was one tangled mess and her skin was so pale she would not have needed make up or costume to dress up as a ghost for halloween. Maybe - all these years he had thought loving her so hard only because he was a coward.

Maybe loving her was not only good and right. Maybe it was natural. Maybe it was the way he was born to be.

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**A/N: **The song Lydia was singing pieces of is BJG's old song _Then Slowly Grows (Come to Me)_. It's pulled me through some pretty lonely/sad times, so I highly recommend searching for it on youtube, if you don't know it yet.

I hope you liked this chapter! I'd love to hear whether you want another chapter of the Lazy Weekend or if you wanna move on to the next week with other characters back in the picture, too. And anyway, any thoughts and ideas are always appreciated.

I just want you to know that no matter how long it takes for me to write sometimes, I'm still NOT giving up on this story or Would You Be My Brother. (I've also felt extremely inspired for a 3rd story, but to not have 3 stories hanging I'm using that inspiration to just write it for now and I think I'll only start publishing it if I can update it somewhat regularly. Feel free to argue against this plan if you think it'd be better differently..)


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N:** I'm gone for months and now I update twice in one weekend.. That's the power of reviews right there! I asked whether you wanted more Lazy Weekend or move on to the next week. Right after I realized I really wanted to take my time with the weekend and then I started getting agreements from you. - A crazy haze of inspiration and the next update ready already now. Thank you!

I hope you enjoy Chapter 16:

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By 3:40 pm Lydia and Peyton had already watched three Disney movies. During the first one Lucas had driven to Tree Hill to shut the lights he hadn't turned off leaving in such a hurry. He had also taken a shower and packed some clothes to change since it was decided he'd be staying at Peyton's for the rest of the weekend.

He had tried to be calm about it, but when he was driving alone in his car on his way back to Wilmington and he had an overnight bag on the seat next to him he couldn't help but feel giddy. He was on his way for a sleepover at Peyton's. Granted it wasn't what it sounded like. He would have the guest room and the girls would bunk in Peyton's bed. But it was already an amazing feeling to be invited to Peyton's for the weekend.

Lucas had let himself bask in the feelings for a good five minutes. But as he had gotten off highway right outside Wilmington and had to stop to traffic lights he slapped himself on the cheek and told it was time to quit the fantasies. Thinking like that would violate his new life. He just wasn't 13 anymore.

Lucas had gotten back to Peyton's around the time the ladies had finished the first movie. He had gotten Peyton to agree to a nap and taken little miss Scott for grocery shopping. They had walked around Walmart picking up things either of them remembered Peyton to like. There was a chance he'd hear about it later. That they'd gone a little overboard. But the way he saw it, it was the perfect way to start the new life.

Well, what really made it perfect, was when a man in his mid-40's had looked at his cart that was so far just full of fruits and vegetables and commented to him how wives were such a pain for putting so many vegetables to the shopping list. Lucas hadn't had the time to tell him he didn't have a wife and that actually no one had even made him a list - he was simply going a little overboard for a friend and he'd probably pay for it as soon as she was well again. No, just as Lucas had been about to speak up Lydia came running to him with a cucumber she had picked up. The man smiled at Lucas and commented "then again, suffering through vegetables is a small price to pay for having that cute kids with someone". Then the man was gone and Lucas couldn't help but smile. In the morning maybe for a little bit he had let himself imagine the three of them were a family. And while his actual dream was to not have to borrow from his brother's family, it felt nice that someone imagined the same for him. Then he realized he was again thinking so wrong. He would have slapped himself again, but Lydia was there and it didn't seem like a good habit to teach her.

Luckily Lydia's happy babbling had helped him focus again. In the car back home - well, back to Peyton's - they had made plans to keep practicing reading and writing and spelling if aunt Peyton needed another nap. But by the time they had gotten back and out away the groceries they had bought Peyton had woken up and the girls had continued the movie marathon. Lucas joined in around the time when Snow White first met the dwarves. His soup was fine on the stove waiting for the movie to finish. To Lydia's delight they ate the soup bundled up on the living room couches while watch the third movie.

In all honesty, Lucas hadn't watched much of the 3rd movie either. He had really tried to, but from where he was sitting he also had a really good view to the couch where Peyton and Lydia were lounging. Every time Lucas tried to focus on the movie either Peyton or Lydia would squeal or whimper or sigh. Watching the girls watch Beauty and the Beast was actually more interesting and entertaining than actually watching the movie he had already seen.

"I don't think my eyes can take a 4th movie. It was fun, but I'm reaching my limits.." Peyton sighed and closed her eyes as the credits started rolling.

"Should you take a nap aunt Pey?" Lydia leaned over to observe her godmother.

Peyton laughed. The girl had taken to the role of an attentive nurse. She worried about naps, took care of vitamins and she had even learned to look after Peyton's hydration. She was no doubt Haley's kid.

"No, I'm good Silly D. I don't think I'm sick enough to sleep at this time anymore. Don't wanna mess up my rhythm completely."

"Okay.." Lydia said her thoughts clearly already in something else. She was looking at her uncle and aunt intently. "So what shall we do.."

"There are some puzzles you could make.." Peyton suggested.

Lydia looked at her suspiciously. "I can make puzzles with mama at home."

Lucas and Peyton exchanged slightly worried looks. The plan to stay in Wilmington might have been a mistake after all. How'd they entertain the girl if she didn't want to do anything she could do at home as well.

"Ooh, I know!" Lydia squaled. "We could play Question Game."

"What's Question Game?" Lucas asked intrigued. "Like 20 Questions?"

"I don't know I'm only 5. What's 20 Questions?" Lydia was slightly confused.

"It's a game where someone thinks about something and then the others ask questions to find out what it is. But the thinker can only answer yes or no to the questions." Peyton explained.

Lydia thought for a moment. "Well it's not Question Game, but can we play it so that you can only think about something fun, like cool people?"

That was so Lydia.. But why not?

"Okay." Lucas and Peyton answered at the same time. Chuckled at the situation and Lucas then asked who would start.

"Aunt Peyton." Lydia answered without hesitation. "And you ask first."

"Okay you ready blondie?" Lucas winked at Peyton. She nodded. "Is this person a man?"

"Yes."

Lydia thought for a moment and then ran to Lucas and whispered something to his ear. Lucas whispered her an answer and then nodded for reassurance until a bright smile appeared on her face. "Does he have dark hair?"

"Hmph. Yes he does." It wasn't supposed to be quite this easy..

Lucas chuckled. Her reaction gave her away a little bit. "Has he ever played in the NBA?"

Peyton rolled her eyes. She knew he knew. "Yes he has."

Lucas leaned to whisper to Lydia. "Now who would be a man who has dark hair and has played basketball in the NBA?" Lydia thought for a moment and smirked. She looked so much like her father when she smirked like that. "Is he my daddy?"

Peyton smiled and nodded. Lydia shot back to her place next to Peyton on the couch and snuggled by her godmother. "Good game. Now I know how to play so uncle Lucas make it harder!"

"Alright, you got it." Lucas smiled. Lydia signaled Peyton to start questioning.

"Well is this person a man?" She was fairly certain it wouldn't be since the last one was.

"Yes, he is." He would have loved to add something snarky like "or so they say" but he held his breath and kept quiet.

"Is he hot?" was Lydia's next question.

Both Lucas and Peyton gasped at it. It was lucky Nathan was all the way in Charleston.

"Some people seem to think so.." Lucas muttered a little embarrassed by the situation.

"Uncle Lucas that's not a yes or a no answer." Lydia scolded. Wasn't he the one who suggested the game and now he wouldn't play by the rules..

Lucas rolled his eyes and growled "yes."

Peyton was just about to ask her next question, when Lydia tugged her hand and whispered so loud even Lucas could hear it "Aunt Pey, this game is fun. Don't ruin it with a boring question."

Peyton bit her lip. "Would you like to ask the next question as well, then?"

Lydia nodded. "Is he good looking?"

"What, you just asked that?" Lucas was confused.

His niece looked at him like he was losing his mind. "No, I asked if he was hot. It's not the same. You see, Some men may get kissed a lot even if they are ugly. And you're good looking, but you're not that hot."

Peyton was trying her best not to laugh. Lydia was right. This game was hilarious. She shifted her eyes to Lucas in hopes to calm herself down and avoid annoyed Lydia. In her mind she had to disagree with her goddaughter. Lucas was most definitely not only good looking but down-right hot. Even or especially as he was looking all embarrassed by his niece's bold comments. The blue button up shirt certainly sealed the deal.

"I guess he's good looking, too." Lucas admitted quietly. He was clearly praying for a

"My turn. Does he make movies?" Peyton came to rescue. It just all felt like he was referring to Brooke's comments.

"No."

Again Lydia whispered so loudly Lucas could hear it, too. "It's not Julian. You don't think he picked daddy again?"

Peyton wasn't sure. But there was a way to check it out. "Does his first name start with N?"

"Yes." Lucas answered. And Peyton mouthed to Lydia "I think it could be."

"Is it daddy again?"

"No."

Peyton and Lydia looked at each other as if to draw clues from the other's thinking. Then Peyton figured it out. "Is it Neil?"

"Yes."

"Hmph." Lydia frowned. She crossed her arms and backed to the other corner of the couch. As far away from Lucas and Peyton as possible. "That wasn't fair.."

Peyton and Lucas looked at each other in wonder. "I'm sorry but what wasn't?" Lucas asked. It felt like this was his fault somehow.

"You said he was hot and good looking. That doesn't sound like Neil. I KNOW he doesn't get kissed as much as daddy or uncle Julian. And he's not ugly, but I don't think he's quite as good looking as daddy or Jamie or uncle Lucas or even uncle Julian."

"Lydia.. that wasn't very nice." Peyton scolded her a little bit about the attitude, but then she softened her voice and explained. "You know these things are always a matter of opinion. It isn't polite to make a big noise about those opinions. Besides, it's quite rare that people get kissed quite as much as your daddy or uncle Julian. Growing up with so many very special men, it's especially good to learn to take it easy with comparisons."

"Okay." The girl said quietly. "I'm sorry Aunt Peyton, Uncle Lucas."

Peyton ruffled the girl's hair. "It's alright, baby."

They were all quiet for a moment. It wasn't an awkward silence. It felt important. Like they were all letting the silence to heal them and build connection.

"Aunt Pey, I think we should take this to the bedroom.." Lydia said eventually. Lucas and Peyton both swallowed hard to diminish the shocked laughter that was just demanding to burst out. They had no idea what the girl meant by it, but she sure meant it somehow innocently - certainly not how the adults were used to mean it. It was either that neither of them had actually had any use of the phrase in a long time or that the silence before had been sweet enough, but both Lucas and Peyton were quite proud of themselves for surviving the shock so well.

"Baby what do you mean by that?" Peyton asked and Lucas couldn't help but think how amazing it sounded that she called the little girl 'baby'. He could imagine her one day asking 'baby what do you mean by that' from a little curly blonde haired girl, who would call her 'mama' in stead of 'aunt Pey'. That child would be the luckiest kid on the planet.

"I mean that I like this - just being like this with you two.. But I think it'd be better if you lied down properly. Couldn't we just go be like this in your bed?" That sweet little girl..

Peyton had to say she agreed with the idea. "Sounds perfect. Let's go." She took the girl's hand as if in sign of simply transferring the moment to another room. Lydia seemed to grasp the meaning of it as she reached out to her uncle and in Peyton's lead the three of them walked to Peyton's bedroom - sweet little Lydia between the two adults.

Peyton settled to her side of the bed and Lydia to the middle. Lucas didn't quite know what to do, but because Lydia had directed him to come as well, he opted towards the chair he had used during breakfast.

"Where are you going uncle Lucas?" Lydia asked an patted on the empty part of the bed. Lucas looked at Peyton for an opinion but she did not seem fazed about it. She just smiled at him and so he climbed onto the bed next to Lydia. They fell back to the comfortable silence each of them just enjoying each other's presence and staring at the ceiling.

"Can we now play my Question Game?"

"Sure, baby just tell us how it goes." Peyton answered softly smiling. Her eyes were closed, but she was feeling better than she had in the last 24 hours. She could actually enjoy the comfort and that was exactly what she was doing.

"Alright. So the game goes so that we randomly pick one of us and one of the others gets to ask the picked one a question. It has to be a nice or interesting question - nothing mean. And then the picked one will have to answer it honestly. But it should be good, because they are nice"

Hearing the game rules, Peyton couldn't help but wish Lydia had been there when they were in High School and in desperate need of some social games. The Question Game sounded much better than Brooke's Truth or Dare without-the-Truth-because-No-one-really-tells-the-truth-anymore or all the drunken I Never where someone was bound to pick something mean and someone always ended up hurt.

Lydia made some weird calculations in her head and the announced that Aunt Peyton was the first one to answer.

"When you were my age, what did you want to be when you grew up?" Lydia asked the first question. Lucas liked the game already. Surprisingly they had never talked about anything like that. What was she like before her mom died? What did she dream of? How did she see the world back then? It was enchantingly interesting..

Peyton had to take a while to think about it, but it was alright. They all knew now that the silence was good, too.

"I think I wanted to be a mom. I admired my own mom Anna so much. She was the coolest woman I knew. She was beautiful and kind and caring and funny. She sang to me at night and taught me a lot of cool things about music and art. And life.. I wanted to be just like her." Peyton paused, but since her two companions seemed to wait for anything and everything she wanted to say she continued. It felt good to reminisce her mom for the woman she was and not just the loss of her.

"When I was your age, Lydia, I didn't really think what I wanted to do. I just dreamed of one day having someone to love the way my mom loved my dad. I dreamed of listening to music and falling in love with it together with someone I loved. And of having a child - or maybe more than one - to do all kinds of fun things with. Being just like my mom. Loving like she did and being loved just like she was."

Lydia scooted closer to her godmother and took Peyton's hand into her own tiny one. "I think YOU're the coolest woman I know." A few tears rolled down Peyton's cheek.

Five minutes later Lydia announced that her random pick had now fallen on uncle Lucas. She seemed to have changed the rules a little already, because she didn't really wait to see if Peyton wanted to ask a question first. She simply felt inspired and asked straight herself. "What's your first memory of aunt Peyton?"

Peyton turned to her side towards Lydia and Lucas. Where'd that come from? A smile formed slowly on Lucas' face as he thought about it.

"It was at the beginning of 6th grade. Your mom and me went to different elementary schools than your dad, Peyton and Brooke. So that was the first time we went to the same school." Lucas told and Peyton couldn't help but think how great an author he made. He could make even a review of school system sound interesting. And judging by Lydia's shining eyes she wasn't the only one enchanted by the story even if it was her story and not the little girl's.

"She was the first person I saw when I walked to the quad with your mom. Haley loves school so she wanted to be really early. There were only a few people when we arrived, but I didn't see anyone but this one girl.." He paused to gather the image from his memory. "All skinny arms and tangled mess of hair.. She was sitting on this big rock near the entrance, she was drawing something on her sketchbook and I had no idea what your mom was talking about. I just kept staring at her and basically just trying to make note of every little detail about her. And well, just determine if she was real."

Lucas was so deep into his memories that only as he stopped speaking he realized how honestly he had talked and that Peyton was actually there to hear the story. Luckily she was once again lying on her back so he did not have to make eye contact with her yet.

"So what happened then?" Lydia asked enchanted by the story.

"The bell rang, Haley dragged me to class and for months I just saw glimpses of her somewhere around the school." Lucas said sheepishly. But damn, that little girl's shining blue eyes were demanding for more story and so even though it felt awkward to have Peyton hear about his adolescent infatuation and dangerous to have extremely-honest and social Lydia know all that, he continued. "It took a few months for me to learn her name was Peyton Sawyer and that she was a 6th grader as well."

"So did you just talk then and become friends?" Lydia asked excitedly.

Lucas chuckled nervously. This was the point his niece would learn that he wasn't quite as cool as she possibly imagined. "No.. It took years. Every year in the beginning of a school year I made predictions with your mom - sort of what we hoped would happen that year. And every year mine was something about Peyton. That I'd talk to her or take her to the movies or.." last minute he realized he'd better not tell about him wanting to make out with Peyton, let alone the one about marrying her. "But I only talked to her for the first time when we were 16. Junior Year in High School."

"That's when mama and daddy talked as well!" Lydia beamed.

"Yes it was. It was only a little while before that. I worked for my uncle Keith and he sent me on a service call. It turned out it was Peyton's car that had broken down on River Road."

"The Comet?" Lydia almost squealed.

"Yeah, the Comet." Lucas confirmed.

"Oh, the coolest car in the whole world.." Lydia said dreamily. Neither of the adults could really disagree.

"And what's your first memory of uncle Lucas, aunt Pey?" Lucas was relieved that the focus had moved away from him. He had already said too much.

"Wouldn't it be our turn to ask you a question now?" Peyton asked. "I've already answered a question."

"But I don't remember my first memory of you or uncle Luke." Lydia smiled innocently.

"Oh well.." Peyton said softly. It was still nonchalant enough that Lucas knew it was all as it had been. She was still the cool one and he was the infatuated nerd. "I almost ran him over with my car."

Lydia giggled.

"In my defense. I was listening to a really good song, it was dark and all of a sudden he just ran to the road right in front of me."

Lydia laughed a little more and now Lucas joined her. "Aunt Pey, I really don't think a good song is good enough reason to run over someone.."

Peyton realized she was actually being judged by something she only ALMOST did. "I didn't actually run over him. I saw him just early enough to hit the brakes and stop the car right before he was under it.." Now Peyton joined in the soft laughter, too. Maybe her defense wasn't good enough. "But yeah, you're right. Don't ever do that for any reason, baby."

Lydia took a moment to calm down from the giggles and then said. "Yeah, but I think it was still worth it.. You got to start making memories with uncle Lucas in them. I wish I could remember my first memory of you."

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**A/N:** The rest of the weekend just didn't seem to fit right to this chapter so I'm holding it off to something that will be looked back on later in the story.

Please review and leave any comments, thoughts, wishes..

In the next few chapters there's coming up at least: the Haley+Brooke+Mia meeting about Leyton, Nathan taking Peyton somewhere, but let me know if you have wishes what you'd like to see. There are gaps to be filled in my plans even for the next few chapters.

Also, I know it's been a good 50 000 words of Leyton fiction without them yet getting even as far as kissing again. I've wanted to take the time because there's a lot of history at this point and they are at the point where it's pretty serious. There's only so much they can handle anymore at this point so they have to make it right. So just bear with me. I've already picked a Wedding Song for Leyton - they'll get there, but it will still take time to get the two to a place where they can just get together and be happy. In the words of Whitey Durham:

_"Who knows where life will take you, the road is long and in the end the journey is the destination."_


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry it's been ages! I have not forgotten about you. I've just been struggling with life.. I hope it hasn't affected the quality of this story. Thanks for your patience and all your encouragement after last chapter and while waiting!**

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It was over a week later than originally planned when Brooke was finally expecting Mia and Haley over for the meeting. She tried to get her sweet little boy dressed and ready for a day 'to work with daddy', but the boy wasn't helping her much. Brandon had always had a special gift of being exceptionally cheery in the mornings. But he didn't channel the cheeriness to playing or getting the day started efficiently. No, being his father's son, Brandon was being especially sweet and affectionate. Brooke was used to waking up to the little boy's kisses and cuddles. However this morning the sweet trait wasn't at its best. It was still as lovely as ever, but not that practical with only limited time to get ready.

"You look really pretty today, mama." the boy beamed and tried to brush her hair instead of putting on the light blue button-up shirt Brooke had chosen for him. Brooke glanced at the clock realizing Julian would need to leave in five minutes.

"Thank you handsome, but we really need to get you dressed now. You know you get to go to work with daddy today." she picked up the shirt and got to helping him.

"Yes!" the boy squealed while helping his mom with the shirt. "And Uncle Lucas will be there. Daddy said I get to be Uncle Lucas's asssisstannt!"

Brooke chuckled at the boy's weird, excited pronunciation. "Well then, all the more reason to get ready quickly."

Brandon thought for a second, nodded and gave his mother a big smooch before running off to get his things.

He almost ran into Julian, who walked into the living room with little Ellen in his arms. "What's up with our boy?"

"He's excited about the day. Getting ready." Brooke gave her husband a kiss took the baby from him.

"Mm, it's going to be a good one." Julian smiled. "So you're hanging out with Mia and Haley today? What's that all about? Why's Peyton not joining you?"

"Because.. We will try to work something out for Peyton. And we don't need her interfering in our quest for her happiness. Not just yet, anyway." Brooke smiled coyly. "So Do Not tell Peyton about today!"

Julian nodded in hesitant agreement, but did not have a chance to reply before Brandon ran back to his parents with a back-bag on his shoulders, ready for the day. The doorbell rang at the same time and the next five minutes went in the haze of good-bye kisses and welcoming Mia.

"So.. Not that I have anything against having you here, but why did we need you here? I mean Haley knows Lucas better than anyone and I have similar history with Peyton. Haley never really explained it." The two women and a baby left in the house sat down in the living room.

"I think she asked me here, because I had promised my help and knowledge if this ever became something you two wanted." Mia started carefully. As much as Brooke had always fascinated her, this meeting was quite awkward.

Luckily Haley marched straight into the living room just then. Mia looked at her a little surprised. "No knocking or ringing the door bell? How'd you get in?"

Her question got both Haley and Brooke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. "Brooke, or any of us really, rarely locks the door."

"Good to know!" Mia smiled and hugged Haley.

"Anyway, before we get down to the business. I have bad news for you." Haley continued. "I double-checked the North Carolina marriage law and it requires at least 6 months' separation before you can file for a divorce. We know it's over, but as long as Lucas and Lindsey are still officially married, I know Peyton won't even consider anything. She's been through too much. She won't risk it."

Mia and Brooke both nodded their heads in agreement but stayed quiet just processing the disappointing news.

"Maybe it's a good thing. I know you both believe in Lucas' love for her. But he screwed up big time. He shouldn't just be let off the hook with it. I won't allow Peyton to be his rebound from a failed marriage. We might need the time." Brooke finally spoke up.

"So what, we're just gonna wait around for 6 months and then see where they're at?" Mia was still clearly frustrated. "I have been waiting for almost half a decade. Peyton would NEVER be Luke's rebound. You two of all people SHOULD know that."

"Mia's right. Since we set up this meeting, we shouldn't just wait and do nothing. We just need to take it slow." Haley challenged Brooke, though soon saw she agreed as well.

Brooke sighed. "So slow. How the hell do you encourage progress but slow when it comes to Lucas and Peyton?"

Haley chuckled. It was quite true. The two had never just dated casually. They shared a long history and overwhelming amounts of love for each other. Slow wasn't an easy thing to pull off. All or nothing were much more natural options.

Mia raised her hand a little awkwardly. Haley and Brooke both seemed to understand each other from a perspective she had never gotten to see. She felt a little out of place, but she had an idea. Actually one she had believed in for a long time. "I was thinking music."

The two looked at her interested to hear more.

"Brooke, you asked why I was here. And the reason is that I was there when Lucas decided to write a love story trilogy based on music that Peyton had discovered. He took my songs and created a character who was a writer, pining for this brilliant, beautiful blonde music lover. While staying loyal to Lindsey's marriage they still had this big passionate love letter exchange in the form of Luke's Who You Are Without Me trilogy." Mia confessed.

Mia looked at Brooke and admired how expressive her face was. You could see how the beautiful brunette was scrolling back her memories of the trilogy. "And Peyton answered right back. The way she took on the project - how she pushed me to write even better, make new Lucas-worthy material, how she accommodated Lucas's needs in the creative process and used all her business contacts to make the trilogy even more successful than Ravens.."

"..It was Peyton's way of loving and caring for Lucas the way she always has." Brooke finished the sentence.

"And vice versa. Intentional or unintentional, I truly believe one of Lucas's motives was also to bring Peyton and her music to full potential." Haley reminded. "It offered important new ventures for Red Bedroom."

The three women smiled and nodded in agreement. Everything made more sense now.

"Lucas and Peyton.." Brooke laughed quietly. "It's like they found a new way to THUD each other when the connection was otherwise at risk."

Haley let out a giggle but Mia just looked at her confused.

"Anyway, what was your idea about the music?" Haley brought them forward with the topic.

"We agreed that they should build the inevitable relationship slowly. I think that requires a lot of self-reflection. I think we could affect their playlists. Bring in songs that will make them think of everything that's happened. Their relationship and then little by little also the future." Mia explained.

"Oh and music.. I like it!" Brooke squealed.

Haley smiled. "Lucas, too, uses music to deal with things. But how do we get music to work for the right purpose?"

"Oh, come on! It's not like there's much left for us to do anyway. They already love each other they just need to learn to trust it and decide it's alright pursue the love. With two music geniuses and my brilliant self this should be a piece of cake." Brooke rubbed her hands together excited.

* * *

There was a slight break in the action while the production coordinator was on the phone with the studio executive's assistant. Everyone else was just casually chatting while waiting. They were settled in Tric's backroom, which had just enough chairs for everyone in the production team plus little Brandon.

Julian could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. He glanced quickly at Brandon, but the boy was settled tight by Lucas' side. He had been given his own script, which he was coloring similarly to how Lucas had color-coded notes on his own version.

_Pay attention to the music Lucas listens to!_

That's all his dear wife had said. No I love yous or I miss yous. Not even wishes for a good day, checking in on their son.

_Nice talking to you, too, dear! What's this about? J_

It didn't take long until he got Brooke's reply.

_My best friend's happiness in life may depend on it. Still no telling her, though! Love._

Julian smiled. He had known when he married Brooke his life with her would be anything but boring. That he'd be kept on his toes for the rest of his life.. And he still wouldn't have changed a thing.

_Okay. You got it, babe. Just tell me all about it tonight._

Before Julian could hit send he felt a soft nudge on his side. Brandon was standing behind him, his one hand tucked in Uncle Luke's.

The little boy looked up to his 'uncle' waiting for him to speak up. "They told it's gonna take at least a half hour, I promised Brandon we'd go see if his aunt P. is at Red Bedroom."

"When?" Julian scowled.

Before Lucas could answer he felt a pull towards the door. Brandon was certainly no longer interested in talking with his father. "While you were flirting with your wife." Lucas answered half way out the door. "At least I hope it was Brooke."

By the time they reached the door to Red Bedroom Records, Lucas had caught up with the little boy. They stepped into the office a subconscious giddy smile for the prospect of seeing Peyton plastered on both guys' faces.

"Well, well if it isn't my favorite boy and his new-found-uncle." Peyton smiled right back and spread her arms for Brandon to run straight to her lap.

Lucas gave the two some space and did not make it all the way through the room. He just shyly followed the godmother-godson interaction.

She raised her eyes from the little boy's embrace and smiled at Lucas. Somehow the sight took her back to when they were 16 years old and she almost ran him over. The same kind of mysterious, sort of poetic look in his eyes. She couldn't read that face back then. She had been too angry and frustrated to even try. Looking back, she thought perhaps the biggest reason back then was that she had been scared. That look had serious consequences and wrapped up in herself she hadn't been ready for his love.

Everything had changed since then. Twice over. Yet she still lacked the guts to try and read the expression in his eyes. Perhaps she wouldn't even have a word for it. It was indescribably enchanting and she wasn't the writer..

"Are you just going to stand there or do I get a hug from you, too?" her eyes sparkled as she broke free from the spell of his gaze. He laughed awkwardly and and walked over to give her a brief hug.

"What are you up to?" Lucas asked and sat down on a chair in front of Peyton's desk.

"Oh! You'll NEVER guess what happened today.." Peyton's eyes are shining as she replies to Lucas and receives a kiss on her cheek from Brandon.

"Robert Smith called you up and asked if you might sing the Cure to Red Bedroom?"

Peyton's face fell. "No, nothing quite THAT cool. BUT.. I got asked on a date!"

Now Lucas's face fell, but Peyton continued without recognizing it "By. Your. Brother!"

Lucas burst to laugh. "Nathan asked you out? That's so high school.."

"No, this is a step up from high school. In high school I was yet to meet Brandon." Peyton laughed and the child in her lap beamed as she gave him another cuddle. "Besides, Nathan hardly ever asked me out when he was my boyfriend, if you know what I mean.."

"Uncle Nathan?" Brandon butted in. "Uncle Nathan was your Boyfriend, aunt P?"

Peyton looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Yes, honey. But that was a long time ago."

"But uncle Nathan is aunt Haley's true love.." the boy was trying hard to make sense of it all.

"That's right buddy. We hadn't even met aunt Haley back then. We didn't know yet." Peyton tried to explain.

The boy nodded compassionately and gave her a big hug. "First my daddy and then Lydia's daddy.. You've been with everyone, but where's your true love?"

Good question. The adults both knew Julian and Nathan weren't quite everyone, but the question was still valid. Peyton hugged the boy back tighter and couldn't help a few tears falling down her cheek.

A knock on the door brought them from the deep thoughts. It was a P.A. popping his head in and telling Lucas and Brandon they were ready to continue. Brandon gave a quick kiss to his godmother's forehead and jumped up running towards the door. Lucas rose, too, but he turned around at the door to finish the earlier conversation. "Hey, Peyt, what is the date?"

"A basketball banquet in New York. With Haley's pregnancy she wasn't feeling up for it and I guess she trusts me by now." Peyton winked. "Thanks for stopping by!"

He nodded and waved her good bye as Brandon was already dragging him towards the meeting. Tric was surprisingly busy for that time of day so they had to scamper a little getting to the other side of the bar.

In front of the right door Brandon stopped and turned to look at the man he had come to adore. The boy tugged his hand signaling to kneel and get to his level. Then he whispered "You should ask aunt P out on a date. Aunt P deserves a true love, too. And my mama won't let me get married until I'm 25."

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**A/N: I hope you liked it. Coming up in the next chapters, Lindsey will have big news for Lucas and Nathan taking Peyton to New York.. I don't dare to promise when I'll have it written, but even if it's been ridiculously long since my last update - I'm not giving up on this story. One day it will be completed.**


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